Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Sunday, August 31, 2008

Enjoying the weekend!

Its been an enjoyable weekend!

Friday we went up to Grace Centers of Hope, we had a big breakfast at home, Phyllis made pancakes (banana & choc chip), and we had biscuits & gravy, sausage, and quiche without the crust. We served by doing some stuff in the kitchen, and 3 of the kids went to the thrift store to help do 'stuff'. Later, I made dinner for Phyllis, Gibbie, & Lexi, it wasn't anything super fancy, it was just yummy, home cooked food. It was just a good day.

Yesterday was a beautiful day on the boat, read a bunch of my book, got a little sunburn, it wasn't too hot so I didn't spend too much time in the water but it was VERY relaxing. I came home and watched one of my very favorite movies, Invinceable with Mark Wahlberg. And I did do some cleaning... how does the ceiling fans get so dirty if they never stop spinning (what the heck!)

Today is another day on the boat and Alive! I love being on the boat and this summer we just didn't get out like usual.

Tomorrow is a big party for Kirstin, we are celebrating love. She leaves for Uganda on Tuesday and she needs the proper send off! Funny thing, I asked for her requests... she only had one. Puppy chow. Ha! That is probably the easiest request I've ever gotten. We are going to have a lot more than that, I can't wait to celebrate her!

I love long weekends! The schedule is about to start, back to school on Tuesday for Phyllis. I usually am ready for the schedule to start back up but this year... I could enjoy the summer forever!

Happy Labor Day weekend!!

Psalm 116:7 (msg) I said to myself, "Relax and rest. God has showered you with blessings. Soul, you've been rescued from death; Eye, you've been rescued from tears; And you, Foot, were kept from stumbling."

I love this song...

Saturday, August 30, 2008

she believes in love!

I know that Phyllis is mine so of course I think she's awesome. But this kid of mine, oh man.

She's putting on a benefit to stop Sex Trafficking (as she says 'with a K' cuz that's how it's spelled). She found a cause, love146, to work for with the help of her core group leader at Alive, she's working with Chad (worship leader at Metro) at Reborn Wear to buy/sell T-shirts at her benefit concert.

If I ask her to go on a day 'mission trip' the answer is never "I guess', she does it. And she does it with a beautiful heart, just don't talk to her about beans. She is always willing to help someone out.

And I know she got all those qualities from God, because that's where I got them from.

I'm so proud that she's doing the benefit. I think it's completely awesome that she would put up her own money for the T-shirts. $180 that she worked hard for to buy the T-shirts and send the profits to Love146 because 'she hates sex trafficking'. She believes those children deserve to have a better life, because they are loved by God.

I am one proud mom that is raising a child who loves.

1 Tim 4:12 Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Faith?


Matthew 6:25-34 25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I sometimes feel like I have a strong faith. And sometimes I feel like my faith is like a weak fruit roll up. I never really doubt God, I have never been one of those people who has said “where are you God?” It’s just not me, although I understand that people think that, and I can see where they are coming from. I get that. I just sometimes want God to come down, RIGHT NOW and take care of what I need taken care of. I don’t want to wait. I am not a good wait-er. Most of my life I feel like I’ve had to survive and I’ve had to figure out how that looked (because it doesn’t always look the same), and that means that inside, I’m a fighter. I’ve labeled myself as a ‘scrapper’. My daughter will tell you, “if you mess with my mom, you better watch out”. This is not to say that I will pick a fight, or that I never walk away, this means that if it is something I am passionate about, you better be ready to scrap because I am going at it. And there is one thing you better not ever mess with, and that is my family (this could be blood or Blood family – they are the same). Anyway, where I am going with this, is I was thinking, am I such a fighter that I don’t believe that God will take care of it for me?

Ugh!

Little faith. How can I call myself a Christ follower if I don’t trust. Or if I worry. If I worry is that a sin saying “God I don’t trust that You will take care of it”? ugh.

I was thinking about my post from the other day. Ugh. All stuff that I just shouldn’t worry about. I should fight the urge to think I am not worthy, I have to remember that just like I tell “my kids”, you are beautiful and wonderful, and smart and funny, you are a child of God, and He loves you, He will forever be with you no matter what else happens in you life, it’s true about me too. I have to remember that I am set apart, that I will not fit into this world easily, that I have a different path, the bible says that the wide road leads to destruction (Matthew 7:13), that’s the easy path to take but the end result… not so good. That skinny way, the way that God asks us (and we must obey!) is not as easy, it means that sometimes it’s so narrow that only me and God can fit through it. It means that unless we reach out to God and His love, it might even become lonely. It means that we have to leave our baggage behind. I can imagine being on a very thin mountain path, getting to the top of a beautiful view, but all I can carry is me, anything else will cause me to stumble, cause me to fall, and I’ll never make it to my destination. I’ve got to let it go. You know that corny saying “let go and let God”. Corny but true. If we want to stand on the Mountain of God, we’ve got to trust Him.

I know my worry and scrapping is covered with Grace. I don’t deserve it, but I’m greatful. I really only know one way to combat worry to really fight all that is wrong in the world (and that dark & scary place I call my brain) and that is to replace those thoughts with The Word. To know it to stand on it, and to sometimes hide behind it. To use it as the shield it was intended to be, to be the sword that cuts through it all. To pray on it, to pray with it, to say it, to believe it.

Matthew 17:20 20He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Overwhelmed

“you’re so strong… I can’t even compare myself to you”

Seriously, are you kidding me? Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is Phyllis. The past few days (I hate to sound like a drama queen) I could seriously see why people are so overwhelmed they kill themselves. It’s not about big things, I can get through big things, I can put on my waders and tredge right through the mud like it’s a day at the beach. I’m usually crying the whole time, but I get through. It’s little things. It’s like when you’re outside in the summer, and mosquitos are EVERYWHERE. And you can’t stop being bit, you can’t seem to swat them all, and you’re frustrated and overwhelmed because you know there is going to be pain (itchiness) when the night is over. But it’s time to put on the bug spray…

It’s about feeling rejected
It’s about wondering what is so wrong with me that I am still single!
It’s about thinking, if I only would have made the right choices
It’s about having to give my dog away (that’s today)
It’s about not being able to do all the things I’d like
It’s about a new position that I’m taking on (at church)
It’s about already worrying that I am inadequate and I’m going to screw it up
It’s about finding out that someone I dated and loved, dated someone else (and I didn’t know) the whole time and LIED.
It’s about wanting to go back to school and get my Master’s in Theology but knowing there is no time (or money)
It’s about someone deciding that something didn’t look right in my life (and there wasn’t anything going on!), started a whole bunch of drama and can’t even find the time to discuss it with me
It’s about not ever being a priority
It’s about somehow wanting to save every child in the downriver from ever feeling unloved and not knowing how to do that or even what it looks like
It’s about wishing I could be more fake and just put on a smile
It’s about feeling like I am in constant prayer and nothing seems to be resolved
It’s about watching a beautiful girl leaving for Africa and wishing there was something more to do then throw a party for her
It’s about feeling like the worst mom on earth (even though I know that’s not true)
It’s about wishing that I could tame my big mouth
It’s about my friends saying “you never have time for me”
It’s about not standing up for myself and doing things I don’t enjoy
Its about not going to work out because I am so fat!
It’s about not having the money to go to Chicago and seeing Hillsong United when I really want to, and I’m 35 and WHERE DOES MY MONEY GO? I’m not irresponsible!
And my list could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

I have faith, I know I am here for a reason and I can probably combat every one of those things, but sometimes I am just too tired.

I’m not so strong. Not by myself anyway. I am strong in Christ. He’s got my back. He holds me up, He is my protector, my Savior, my Strength, my Healer, my Father, my Friend, my Beloved, my Redeemer, my Truth, my Source of Life.

He is faithful! He is a Mighty God. And He can take care of it all.

2 Sam 22:33 It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

Overwhelmed

“you’re so strong… I can’t even compare myself to you”

Seriously, are you kidding me? Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is Phyllis. The past few days (I hate to sound like a drama queen) I could seriously see why people are so overwhelmed they kill themselves. It’s not about big things, I can get through big things, I can put on my waders and tredge right through the mud like it’s a day at the beach. I’m usually crying the whole time, but I get through. It’s little things. It’s like when you’re outside in the summer, and mosquitos are EVERYWHERE. And you can’t stop being bit, you can’t seem to swat them all, and you’re frustrated and overwhelmed because you know there is going to be pain (itchiness) when the night is over. But it’s time to put on the bug spray…

It’s about feeling rejected
It’s about wondering what is so wrong with me that I am still single!
It’s about thinking, if I only would have made the right choices
It’s about having to give my dog away (that’s today)
It’s about not being able to do all the things I’d like
It’s about a new position that I’m taking on (at church)
It’s about already worrying that I am inadequate and I’m going to screw it up
It’s about finding out that someone I dated and loved, dated someone else (and I didn’t know) the whole time and LIED.
It’s about wanting to go back to school and get my Master’s in Theology but knowing there is no time (or money)
It’s about someone deciding that something didn’t look right in my life (and there wasn’t anything going on!), started a whole bunch of drama and can’t even find the time to discuss it with me
It’s about not ever being a priority
It’s about somehow wanting to save every child in the downriver from ever feeling unloved and not knowing how to do that or even what it looks like
It’s about wishing I could be more fake and just put on a smile
It’s about feeling like I am in constant prayer and nothing seems to be resolved
It’s about watching a beautiful girl leaving for Africa and wishing there was something more to do then throw a party for her
It’s about feeling like the worst mom on earth (even though I know that’s not true)
It’s about wishing that I could tame my big mouth
It’s about my friends saying “you never have time for me”
It’s about not standing up for myself and doing things I don’t enjoy
Its about not going to work out because I am so fat!
It’s about not having the money to go to Chicago and seeing Hillsong United when I really want to, and I’m 35 and WHERE DOES MY MONEY GO? I’m not irresponsible!
And my list could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

I have faith, I know I am here for a reason and I can probably combat every one of those things, but sometimes I am just too tired.

I’m not so strong. Not by myself anyway. I am strong in Christ. He’s got my back. He holds me up, He is my protector, my Savior, my Strength, my Healer, my Father, my Friend, my Beloved, my Redeemer, my Truth, my Source of Life.

He is faithful! He is a Mighty God. And He can take care of it all.

2 Sam 22:33 It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Today wasn't my shiniest day. I barely shined at all. When someone told me today "you're blessed and a child of favor". I simply replied "not today". When someone joked with me, snapped back. I cried during worship, the only tears that Jesus can wipe way. Not the kind of remorse (though I'm never completely innocent), they were the tears when I just say "thanks for being there" And I'm speaking to Jesus. We sang "You never let go" by Crowder today. Joy and pain, sun and rain, You're the same, You never let go" . No matter what you think of me after I say this... it's the only song of worship that I engaged with God today.

I have days like these. Days when all I want is to find the arms of Jesus, and lay there. I don't want to be funny, quite frankly, I find no humor when you try to cheer me up, it really just gets on my nerves. My heart is screaming "leave me alone" and if you look into my eyes you'd see that too. Unfortunatly people think they can cheer me up. If I wanted to talk, I would. I love you, really, but just please let me be.

Someone said "are you ok?" I said "why?" "you look sad" "I am."

There isn't much you can do for me on days like today. I don't want you to either. I want to figure it out on my own, well, me and God, and I want really nothing but to be by myself. I will come out of it. I promise. Because it's not for anyone but me and God to figure it out.

Today, I was hurt, and mad, and rejected, and sad. I could still count my blessings, but it didn't change the way I felt.

I am a child of God, I am a child of favor. Today and everyday.

Proverbs 3:3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.




You Never Let Go - David Crowder
When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills hope

Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You're the same
Oh, You never let go

Friday, August 22, 2008


Since it's zucchini harvest time, I dug this recipe out... it's very yummy!! This my friend Eliz's (From work) zucchini bread recipe! Enjoy!

Eliz’s Zucchini Bread

3 C Flour
2 t Baking Powder
1 T Cinnamon
1 C Brown Sugar
1 t Baking Soda
1 t Salt
1 ½ C Sugar
1 C Oil

2 C Peeled and Grated Zucchini
3 Eggs

1 t Vanilla
1 C Raisins
1 C Chopped Nuts

Preheat Oven 325*

Mix First 8 ingredients, then add zucchini and eggs. Mix in the rest!

Pour into 2 greased loaf pans. Bake 1 hour.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

love...



Last night I attended Grace Gospel Fellowship, there was a guest speaker, Jeanne Fowler. She wrote the book Peter’s Lullaby. She was a victim of child abuse, she is now a child abuse survivor. God is using her story for His glory.

Children are near and dear to my heart, I happen to love teenagers. LOVE THEM. Even the ones who seem unlovable. Those are the ones I love the most. Of course I have my favorites (but I really do love them all).

She spoke yesterday. She spoke of heartache and loss, but she also spoke of people who made a difference in life… because they loved her. They showed her love in more than just words. Her story has affected many people, and I would be that her story has affected thousands of children.

I can't tell you how the story of this woman has touched my heart. My heart aches for children who are in foster care, that's part of it, but not all of it. Sometimes 'the world' seems too big to conquer, like one person can't make a difference. But one person can. I think of her 'Aunt Bea' the one safe place this woman knew as she grew up, the one person who loved her. She taught her how to love. I know the story is so much bigger than Aunt Bea, but she's what I can't stop thinking about. This ONE lady loved this ONE child, and now children, gazillions of them are affected because of this LOVE. Sometimes I wonder, can I really make a difference. Just me. But I think if I've got nothing else, I've got love. And that's enough.

I can't do a lot of things, and we won't go into all the things I can't do. I think today, and everyday, I'll think of the one thing I can do... I can love.

One life at a time. I'll love.
“By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.”- Psalm 42:8
I love this song, two different versions... both beautiful




And by the way... if you get the chance, buy the book support the cause of loving children.

So Small by Carrie Underwood
What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh it sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

My friend Marilyn

You’d think she’s too good to be true if you didn’t know her.

She’s funny and smart and has a heart of gold, and I can’t imagine life without her now. I remember before I met her Kevin would say “You have to meet Marilyn”. I remember thinking ‘alright, I can’t imagine she’s all that’.

You know what the crazy thing is… she is all that. It’s almost like God sent all His sunshine in one person. Whenever I call her or she calls me she says “is this Marvelous Margie” today she called me the 8th wonder of the world. Now, I never feel like that, but it always makes me smile, no matter what kind of day I am having. I love to schedule my volunteer days just because it’s an excuse to call her, even though I don’t really need an excuse.

The thing about Marilyn is that there is not a fake bone in her body. She is as genuine as they get. I bet if they cut her open, her heart would really be made of gold. I don’t know if that’s really possible but I know anything is possible with God.


Marilyn is also probably one of the zaniest people I know. She does the craziest things. Things that I wouldn't even think about doing, let alone having the nerve. Last year we were working on the Christmas window at GCH and we were looking through the Christmas stuff and she came up with some kind of crazy head band thing... and one of those t-shirts that has a crazy picture on it, and we were rolling on the floor in laughter. Her spirit is filled with laughter!

Knowing Marilyn is like having your own private cheerleader. I’m surprised she doesn’t have pom-poms in her purse just waiting for the perfect moment to bring them out. There has been a thing in my life that she’s been praying for, almost a year now, and she cheers me on and gives me words of encouragement when I need them. I can’t even tell you how much that has meant to me. I know when God’s Word says to encourage each other, He wrote the words from
1 Thes 4:18 Therefore encourage each other with these words on her heart.

I guess I just feel blessed today because of her and I wanted to share her with you.


Oh, and one more thing... she's not only beautiful on the inside... she's a knock out on the outside!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Live out Loud!!!

We did this ginormous thing today where we went out in the community and loved on people who need it. We did a lot of different stuff from taking cookies to nursing home residents or flowers to the people who serve them. Pizza or pastries (not donuts... lol) to police stations... food to people who work at a hospital, we cleaned up parks. Why? because we love them (and the people in the community), and we're thankful to them for their sacrifice. We loved out loud.

I have to tell you, I'll be completely honest here. I didn't take what I'd call a mini-mission. Not because I didn't believe in what we did (because I do, I think it's great for people who love Christ to show His love), I didn't take a mission because I didn't need to. Oh, yeah, go ahead and say it, because I'll say it with you "Jerk".

I didn't need people to assign a task to me, to love on someone. But sometimes it's overwhelming when we want to help a whole hospital of staff and we can't by ourselves but our brothers and sisters in Christ come together and we are able to bless them (yes, the WHOLE hospital from the nurses to the switchboard) with some cookies or pizzas or a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

I think there are so many people that come in and out of our lives, even for a split second, that we can love on. We can buy someone's coffee who is scraping out their change or we can give the waitress an extra dollar tip because she's about to buy school supplies for her kids... or the car wash guy who is hungry and their is a line up of cars. Oh, and how about that junk you have in your basement or the 15 extra shirts/pants/shoes that you are saving to wear "someday", someone could wear them tomorrow.

I think about Grace Centers of Hope that is raising pennies for their new daycare they are going to open. 30 Millions pennies. That's a lot of pennies. But that means that those children who go their will be safe, and fed, and loved, loved by someone who knows and unashamedly loves Jesus and will pass it on. I've raised about 1000 at my desk already...

We live in a country that has more than enough. MORE THAN ENOUGH I tell you, and most of us have WAY more than enough. Give some. Give some of your time, your money, your stuff, your love. Sometimes I think about how selfish I am, I could give more, and sometimes I just don't. I use the excuse, I give enough. But how much is enough, are we measuring our 'enough' is there an enough ruler or an enough scale. When is enough really ENOUGH?

I'll tell you when enough is enough... when every last person knows Jesus, and not only knows Him, but when they LOVE Him. When there aren't any more to be touched by what God did for us...

That's when enough is enough. Now, go love someone!

James 2:14-26
14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
18But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds."
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

19You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

20You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless[d]? 21Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,"[e] and he was called God's friend. 24You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.

25In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? 26As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.


Saturday, August 16, 2008

This weekend!


1. My dog is still alive and apparently no need for the $300 worth of tests that the vet wanted to run... I thought vets were a rip off, funny how when you only have $60 they will give you lots of stuff for free... ugh... she even gave a gabbie howl this morning. but now I have to give her that stupid medicine


2. I forgot all my stuff at work yesterday so I have to run by there today...


3. I'm hungry... greek omelet with side of tomatoes please


4. Thrifting...


5. Stuffed Zucchini


6. Loving out loud


7. staying away from the 'tin heads' (Dream Cruisers)


8. Vacuuming the car (and cleaning out the inside)


9. enjoying sunshine


10. Miss Phyllis (she's camping)


Friday, August 15, 2008

Love of the Word

I love Paul. Not from the Beatles but from the Bible. Often, I am not sure what to read or where to start. When all else fails, read something by Paul. There is a lot to choose from, there is so much wisdom and guidance in his writings, it' s hard not to fall in love with every word, even the words when he tells us to stop being knuckleheads.

I think of all the books, Romans is my favorite. My heart jumps, almost like leaping on to pages as soon as I open them. If I had to pick two favorite scriptures they are both from Romans...

Romans 12:2 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (the bolded part is around my neck everyday)

But I think my very favorite is:
Romans 8:38-39 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

How can you not love that. No matter how hard anything pulls or pushes, no matter what you do or don't do... nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Man, that just blows me away. Doesn't it just make you all joyful inside!

Don't ever forget that.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

over and over

Sometimes I can listen to the same song over and over again. One time I drove 45 minutes and just kept hitting the down arrow and listened to the same song over and over and over again... I am God by Kirk Franklin. Yesterday, I did the same thing, for 20 minutes. Phyllis hates it when I do that, so I don't do it when she's around.

Food... same thing. I can eat the same thing over and over again until I am sick of it. I ate Arabic (Middle Eastern for you politically correct people) everyday for a week until the VP said "please stop you smell like a walking garlic clove). I probably did.... mmmm.... chicken schwarma....

Lately though, I haven't been able to get close enough to God. I read, I listen, I worship, I pray, studying, and I love what I am reading, I just can't get enough. Scripture verses everywhere, bible in my purse, at the gym, I've been goggling different things. It's something that I am glad I am hungry for. His love is constantly surrounding me, and I am learning new ways to look at the same verses I've read over and over. Verse that I didn't know why I received them until I really meditated on them.

Do you think you can feel so close to God, yet not close enough?

John 1:1 1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.

Monday, August 11, 2008

It looks like a lot to me


1 Zucchini (because we already ate one), a few cherry tomatoes, 2 hot peppers (those tomatoes better come soon so I can make salsa!). It seems like quite a harvest to me. I think about what my garden started out like. I had grand ideas for a HUGEMUNGOUS garden this year. Around the perimeter of my backyard. However, the plans were slightly changed. Cars broke, no time. So I planted my vegetables in odd places, known to us as the “ghetto garden” tre chic, I think not. I wasn’t even sure what would grow (no cantelopes). I have tons of tomatoes on the way, cucumbers starting to grow from tiny blossoms… it seems grand to me. I try to be thankful for whatever God sends me.

And (Ok, I’m misting up already) Phyllis danced last night. I wasn’t just any performance, it was a WORSHIP dance performance. God is moving in her life and she mimicked that by dancing before Him and her fellow Alive students with friends and sisters and brothers in Christ. Many of you know, she had Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis, she is now healed (I say forget that whole ‘remission’ thing, she’s HEALED). There were days when only strollers for a nine year old and wheel chairs and carrying her were the only options. “Mom, they are staring at me” I’d reply with a simple “stick your tongue out at htem, they’ll stop” and they did (I know… what a way to deal with a situation, but hey, it worked). There were days in my life, on my knees that I thought “she’ll never live a normal life”. And I was right. She’s not what the world considers normal, she’s an outcast. She loves and follows and lives for Jesus. She’s on the front lines for her friends at prayer meetings, making pancakes, coordinating “stop sex trafficking concerts”, she’s not normal. But back to my point, no matter what life I had to life with her, she was a blessing, not just any blessing, but my blessing, sent straight from heaven, though I didn’t ask for it. I was thankful, she was, and is the light of my life (outside of Jesus, of course). You can watch it below but you can't really pick Phyllis out.

I can’t help but sit here today, thankful. Thankful for people who prayed for me, thankful for a God who is loving, merciful, and grace giving. Oh am I thankful. I sit here typing away on a computer, in a house, I never thought I’d have but by God’s grace and love, here I sit. I certainly don’t deserve it, but I’m greatful. I'll count my blessings as long as I live.

Matthew 13: 12Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.


















Saturday, August 09, 2008

Thankful

1. 2 Zucchini, 3 cherry tomatoes, 2 hot peppers
2. Getting re-signed up at Fitness USA (who would have known the "lifetime" memebership would come in handy!
3. Great friends
4. Alive & Fuel start back up!
5. Hoops & YoYo cards that make grammy laugh!
6. God never stopped pursuing me
7. His Word
8. His Love
9. His grace
10. His life

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Walking under an umbrella

Jer 6:16 This is what the LORD says:
"Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.
But you said, 'We will not walk in it.'


There was an incident in my life that I guess it’s almost two weeks ago now, someone decided that it “didn’t look right”. It doesn’t look right? Well, let me tell you a thing or two… The times in my life that I did the most sinning were the times when things looked the best to everyone else. If you would have met me in those times you would have said “wow she has it all together” all the while, I was far from having it all together. As Beth Moore said “if I told you the stories, you wouldn’t need a perm for 6 months”. It’s true. I wasn’t living a life that God honoring, and I’m blessed there is/was grace because it was bad.

Now, I have an open door life, I might not invite you in, but if you come walking in, you’ll see it all. I don’t hide what I do. Because I don’t need to. I have things I still struggle with, and when I do, I reach out to someone I know who can help me with through it, and keep me accountable. Everyone has their own way of getting through it, and that’s my way.

I think of the way I lived before, still covered by a blanket grace that I don't always understand. Now I’m thankful for it, I climb right under it, waiting for the storm that I’ve created to pass. I think about the way I lived before, like walking out in a downpour without an umbrella. Now I walk under the umbrella of God. I let His way be my way. It’s not always easy, but it’s easier than hiding and keeping secrets.

I’ve learned this after trying it too long on my own, crawling on my knees to the feet of the Lord… that walking under the Lord’s umbrella, following His ways whether I completely understand them or not, is completely the way to go. I’ve learned that His plan is better than my own.

Matthew 11:25-28 25At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 26Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.
27"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

There is no one else

How many times have I heard God speak to me this past year and didn't do anything about it? Was it God or ? How many times did I hear the same guidance to finally say "Oh, I get it, duh?" That's what happens when I'm not quiet enough, not focused enough. I wonder "was that God?"

He's in our lives because He chooses to be, whether we listen or not, is up to us.

Today I was reading Matthew 11, lots of good stuff in there but the one thing that kept resonating was verse 3 to ask him, "Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?"

Should we expect someone else? I wasn't there so I don't know, but can you just wonder what God is thinking... "SHOULD YOU EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE? THERE IS NO ONE ELSE!" (Well, duh, we know He's IT!) but He's not like that, he's kind and gentle and sends them off.

There is no one else. There is no one else to save you, there's no one else that you should bow down to, there's no one you should trust more, there's no one else you should serve more. And there is no one else you should LOVE more.

His words and His love should be hidden in our hearts but proclaimed in actions to all we know and love.

When He calls, answer. When He loves, love Him back.

There is no one else.

Rev 21:5-7 5He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
6He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Peace in Priorities

Matthew 37-39 Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worhty of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

I remember quite a long time ago, someone said to me "your priorities must be clear, God, Family, Work". what? Nothing comes before my family. Not even God, I thought, He'd understand, He's God after all.

You want your life to be in order, get your priorities straight. Love God first. He not only wants it, He commands it. After all, when asked Jesus said the most commandment was 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38).

For a long time, God was not first in my life, He was someone I ran to when I was in trouble that I knew I couldn't get myself out of. He was my last hope. Until one day when I was so "far gone" that I realized, He wasn't my last hope, He was my only hope. That's when it all changed. That's when I found peace. Peace and Joy which are so much better than being happy. Joy comes from the inside, that no matter what happens on the outside... Joy. And in that joy, there is a peace, that quiets my soul when the world is LOUD!

So I quickly discovered, want peace and joy? I needed to get my priorities straight.

1. God
2. Family
3. Everything else

I didn't really know if I could do it. I didn't think I could put anything before Phyllis. I thought, I love her a lot. But then I realized, love God first and everything else falls into place. I was taking the dog for a walk yesterday and I said "it's You and me God". I've been so... confused is not the right word. But even at 35 I couldn't figure out what am I supposed to be when I grow up. I like my job, I love my daughter, my church, is this it? But when I'm quiet, and I can hear God, that's when I know there is a plan, that I do need to prepare for the plan. And somehow, I can find peace and rest in that plan, and it's not up to me. I have no control, the plan will not succeed or fail because of me (more failing will be done than succeeding if it's based on me). There is great peace in that. Just to live in God's arms, that's peace.

1 Cor 7:15 15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

Sunday, August 03, 2008



I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
but she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually changed

And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will live like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Ooh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will live like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Things you need to do to have 100 fold life

1. Treasure the Wonder
2. Protect Your Heart
3. Expect the test
4. Dig Roots
5. Stop the choke
6. Retain the Word
7. Press forth to your 100 fold

I attended the Beth Moore Simulcast at Metro yesterday and today. I feel really bad. The reason? I feel bad for the other 69,999 women who were in attendance all over the world, because God was speaking directly to me :)
It was a great two days. I'm thankful to God for showing up and speaking so direclty to my heart. I'm thankful that He also touched the lives of countless others.

Thank You Jesus for endless blessings, mostly, thank You for calling me until I answered, and loving me when I don't deserve it.



In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Friday, August 01, 2008

A secret

A secret can only hurt you if you keep it. It can riddle you with guilt. It can make you feel miserable inside.

Here's my secret. I sometimes listen to satan when he tells me I'm worth nothing. That I can't. Sometimes I hear his word, louder than I hear the word of God. Maybe I don't hear it louder but sometimes I listen to it more. I allow him to use people in my life to echo what he has to say. You're not good enough, smart enough, you're nothing. You're only good enough to sit in the back. And sometimes he even tells me that my own father doesn't love me, that I mean nothing to him, and that I will never be good enough for him. And... I listen.

But that's not the truth. In Christ, I stand good enough, strong enough, smart enough, and loved.
I have this dream, maybe more like a vision, because I really can see it. That one day, I will be a woman of faith speaker. Not Women of Faith, but a woman of faith speaking. It sounds wierd but I can see a family traveling with me, a husband and kids, and everything. Odd, I know. I'm just me. And maybe this woman of faith isn't speaking from a stage in an auditorium to 1000s of people but to one at a time. I just know that's what I am supposed to do, to speak life.

To fulfill a dream, there is hard work and preparation involved. And sometimes there's disappointment because it doesn't work out the way we think it will. There's disappointment because we don't do what we're supposed to.

I've never really thought of myself as an 'upfront' person. I'm quite comfortable in the back. Cooking or cleaning or doing words or helping to run sound equipment or show a video or whatever needs to be done. But I have this dream.

There are parts of my life that must change. That I must become small, I must let God cover me, and mold me and make me, and CHANGE me, and seep into parts of my heart, that have been damaged and broken. I've seen Him do great works in me, however, He's not finished, and He has a long way to go.

Today God said to me, I gave you the dream, and in Me, you are good enough. Now start preparing. I know that every day will be a constant surrender. I know that it won't be easy. And I'm not exaclty sure where I'll end up, except in the Arms of Jesus.

I was reminded yesterday of this dream because I visited this sacred place, where good works will be done, and lives will be changed. DREAM. HOPE. WISH. (and for the record, a prayer is just a wish - turned upward).

The path towards today was winding and crazy. It was filled with HIGHS and LOWS. UPS and DOWNS. I struggled with where I would be today. I wrestled with it. And satan used some to stop me, however, God used His Mighty (MIGHTY!) warriors to get me where I needed to be (Thank you Angie, Debbie, Becky, Melissa, Corinne, & Megan).

My heart has not been what it should be. And God called out and reached out to bring me back.

Not sure what lies ahead on this path. I know that it is guided by a God who loves me, and never lets me go. It's a path, that no matter what, God will be the guide of it. I know He will never leave me.

I have so many scripture that are rolling around in my head, one of my most favorite scripture comes from Paul. That is the one that has been singing in my heart.

Romans 8:18-39
Future Glory
18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that[i] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

More Than Conquerors
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[j] who[k] have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l]
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.




Spreading Love, being gracious


I love to do things for others. Whether it's making/writing a note card or buying someone lunch, or making sure there is alfredo sauce when I know they can't eat tomato sauce. That's me.

I'm not so good at actually getting a blessing. I always feel like I am totally undeserving. After all, I know where I've been, I know what I've done, and I know what I continue to struggle with.

Yesterday I went out with one of my most favorite people in the world. We had dinner and she wanted to buy me dinner. I was like "let's just split it" and then came the look. It wasn't a mean look it was a look of "please, I want to do this for you, don't rob me of a blessing". So I let the blessings flow.

We are about to start a new series at Metro. Live LOVE LOUD! I've excited about the series, but I am most excited about putting it into action. I don't like to let love go unnoticed, or undone.

I have sometimes wierd ways of showing love, or what some might say are wierd. In my house, I always try to make sure that there is V8 Fruit Juice in the house, and favorite meals when I cook (just because I can cook, doesn't mean I always do) - Shepherd's Pie, Chicken Tacos, Enchiladas, cheese potatoes. I think little things are important, especially when cooking for others... I know Katie loves olives, but Adam doesn't. Ava loves parfait with blueberries and chocolate chips, Ashley means no peanut butter on a sandwich, and alfredo sauce on noodles, Billy - no milk products, Angie no tomatoes, Bethlyn no mushrooms...

I often tell people they need to know and understand how they love and how they want to be loved in return. To some love is BIG things, some it's a spoken word, and some it's a little thing that may go unnoticed by some and HUGELY noticed by others. It's important to communicate those things so that one is not feeling unloved.

All this being said about others, it's important to love ourselves. To know, understand, and live out what makes us feel loved. For myself, I can get caught up in living out what makes others happy (and I get joy in that), but I forget what I like. This weekend, I am going to a woman's seminar/simulcast and I'm excited to hear what God has to say, I'm going to get my nails done, have lunch, do things for me.

Luke 10:27 He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"