Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Sunday, February 28, 2010

more shushing....

Its one of those things, I don't want to have to say I'm sorry, not because I don't want forgiveness but because I don't want to hurt anyone, and if I don't hurt anyone, then I don't have to say I'm sorry.  For any hurt I cause, intentionally and unintentionally.

Its hard for me though, if I hold in one emotion, I hold them all in.  Because if I'm hurt or mad, if I start laughing, I'll cry, or if I say one little thing about me hurting, I'll start to cry.Its like when you hold things in, your blood pressure goes up.  People sometimes ask me if I have high blood pressure because I am a little on the high strung side... lol...  but in reality its not, because I don't hold things in.  The only time I've ever known that I had high blood pressure (officially) was when someone gave me a hard time on the phone while I was about to get checked out by the doctor.  They had to take it 4 times, finally that fourth time it came down (after I cried) otherwise it was medicine for me...

There are two things that worry me about holding things in... one - that I'll blow up like a big stick of dynamite and that will be bad.  The other is that if I hold one emotion in, I'll hold back love.  And that would be horrible for me.

I hope in this time while I'm shutting up, God speaks really loud!

1 Samuel 3:10 10 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening."

Peanut butter banana waffles

2 1/4 cups whole-wheat flour

4 teaspoons baking powder
1 cup creamy peanut butter
2 eggs, beaten
2 1/4 cups milk
1 ripe banana


Mix all together, make waffles… enjoy!

sshhhhh....

I asked about 10 times to be on this one team.  Maybe more.  They kept saying it hasn't started yet.  Then I asked yesterday about it... 'it started two weeks ago, come to the next one, we really want you to be there.' and then another comment about how I do all the stuff that everyone forgets.

After a long day I'll tell you the truth I just wanted to scream 'really?  you really want me to be there?  WHY BECAUSE I DO ALL THE STUFF NO ONE ELSE WANTS TO????' but instead I said "thanks, but I think people underestimate how creative I am" and then while I was talking someone else walked up and the person stopped talking to me because they were talking to someone else, when the walk up walked away, the person I was talking to just walked away, like I wasn't there. 

Sometimes its hard not to just scream "WHAT ABOUT ME???".  I get that I am reliable, I probably seem like I am always there.  But I'll tell you, sometimes it just really hurts. 

Sometimes I just have to sit there and be quiet and pray that God quiets my soul.

Psalm 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,


3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.


4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.


5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.


6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

I want to love BIGGER!!


I was talking to someone once (this person happens to be addicted to crack) and they said something to me like 'really, what's the worst thing you've done?  Ran a stop sign?' but you know, I feel sometimes like I'm the biggest sinner, that each one of those lashes and the beating that Jesus got was all because of me.

When the the Pharisees asked Jesus, what is the greatest commandment He didn't say "don't do drugs, don't drink, don't steal, don't commit adultry, Matthew 22:37-40  37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

So if God tells us those are the two hightest on His list, that makes me a big wretch.  Because I don't always love God with all that I am.  Sometimes I just don't trust Him, and if I don't trust Him, doesn't that mean I don't love Him with everything I am.  Oh, and let's go with that who love your neighbor as yourself.  I don't even like myself that much, so how could I love anyone else? Yikes.  But I want to love Him more! and if I say it, and I keep saying it, and everyday I love Him a little more, then I guess I'm on the right track, right? Everyday is a surrender, it's loving Him more than me.

And I just think that if I start to let Him control my life, and I let Him in me, then I'll love myself and if I love myself than I really can love others like we're supposed to love.  What if I take care of myself, I eat better, I feel better, than maybe I can help others.  I can love them, so they learn what real love is and they can love themselves and Jesus too.  I think it really has to start at home (myself), I've got to really focus on Him, so it will stop being about me, and more about Him.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”- 1 John 3:18

Friday, February 26, 2010

Friday Fave

Pat always does her Friday Fave and today I decided to join her :)

Today my friday fave is King Arthur Flour white whole wheat flour.  I try to always use whole wheat in everything, the problem is sometimes is gritty.  I discovered this at Meijer or Walmart. I love it!!!  I just discovered it about a month ago, and I'm on my third bag because I've been making so many waffles!!



Thursday, February 25, 2010

Thank You Jesus for Levi and Judah!!

I don't watch the news, rarely.  I just hate all the hate and suffering and I just don't want to watch it.  I wonder if I could have my own news show about all the good that is going on.  No crazy meanness and greed, just love love love love crazy love!

When I was at Baker we went on a field trip (did you know they did that in college?) and we went to see Hotel Rwanda.  To tell you the truth, I had no idea prior to that.  I remember leaving the theatre, crying, thinking, that my heart was breaking, because of that movie, I did a little research just to understand.

Its four years later and I was thinking about 'our boys' who really belong to Adam and Katie, but we've all kind of adopted them.  I'm sitting here thinking of the mighty, loving God that we serve and how He loves us.  How blessed we are to have them in our lives, and how I can't imagine a single day without them.

So today, I'm thanking God for so much, for freedom, and most importantly, Levi and Judah!  You are an awesome God!!

Psalm 86:10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Where the love lasts forever...

its seems that all this gray is making me blue.  I've had a ray or two of sunshine (I got 3 5-gal water cooler thingies at Walmart yesterday for half off! for the mission trip.  I know NERD, however, I feel like it was a blessing from God, I think I only need 2 more!) here and there, but I'm ready for spring!

I've been kind of in a funk, I can't tell you one thing or another, I just know that I feel like I'm not being used (by God) and I'm tired.  I'm switching programs at work, and I love my old team (most of them) and I am excited to work on my new team (I love the eng lead! and program manager) and it will be good, but I'm not a big fan of change, so I think there might be some issues there (even though my head knows there shouldn't be) and really I am excited!  Also, my heart is breaking for some people who are having a hard time being real, my heart is breaking for choices being made by others, its hard to see others hurt themselves (but doesn't make me love them less).

I was listening to 'where the love lasts forever' by Hillsong United and normally I post the Youtube and the lyrics at the end... but here they are... (I gotta keep you people guessing!)

Your mercy found me
Upon the broken road
And lifted me beyond my failing
Into Your glory my sin and shame disolved
And now forever Yours Ill stand


In love never to end
To call You more than Lord
Glorious friend


So Ill throw my life
Upon all that You are
Cause I know You gave it all for me
And when all else fades
My soul will dance
With You where the love lasts forever


And forever I will sing
Lord forever I will sing
How You gave Your life away
Just to save me
Lord You saved me


Where the love lasts forever I will be with You
Where the love lasts forever I will sing to You
Where the love lasts forever I will dance with You
Where the love lasts forever

I was just thinking about how this funk is just a vapor, that loving the Lord is forever.  That its often in the quiet that we grow close to Him, a lot of people look forward to heaven because its paradise, but really, while we are here on this earth, the love lasts forever, in this time, I'm just trying to be quiet.  Being still is not easy for me, however, it is necessary. Also I will stay focused completely on Him. In the song it says:
So Ill throw my life
Upon all that You are
Cause I know You gave it all for me
And when all else fades
My soul will dance
With You where the love lasts forever


How can I do anything but praise Him when my life is in His hands, living for Him?

Phil 3:13-16 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Weightloss or not so much...

I was doing so well on my weighloss, eating healthy, making good choices, and then I don't know what happened, I think I got bored...  And so I fell off the wagon... hard... I'm up about 4 pounds from where I was, and not happy with the choices I've made.

Yesterday alone I think I ate 6 cookies.  SHEESH!

And what kills me is that I have the good food in the house to eat! 

So after yesterday, a stomach ache, and not pooping good all weekend, I am back on it! 

My favorite breakfast sandwich for breakfast, Salad and soup for lunch, not sure what I am going to do for dinner but it will be healthy!  And my snacks are all packed for the week.

I will tell you, I'm disappointed in myself, but I'm not giving up!  I think that everyday is a new surrender, we can only learn from our mistakes but not focus on them so much that we beat ourselves up...  I am going to start making cards and scrapbooking so that I take the focus off of eating and doing things I enjoy.  And 15-30 minutes of treadmill walking 3-4 days a week will help too!  But really its not just about the choices, its a heart condition.  I've been struggling with a bunch of stuff, one main one feeling like I'm not wanted.  And when my heart isn't right, nothing else is either.

I've got a lot of work to do, I've got a big job ahead of me, there are so many who need to be reached!  and...We are going to Cedar Point in 3 months and the mission trip in 6 so I'd like to be healthier by then!

2 Cor 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Beautiful heart award

I received this Beautiful Heart Award from Trish over at Its Me Again Margaret...thank you. I never get awards so I was excited to see this!!  Check out Trish's blog, I love her heart and she's inspiring!
Instructions:

1. List 4 things that keep your inner self beautiful.
2. List 4 things that keep you physically beautiful.
3. Tell us about a precious memory you keep close to your heart. [Optional]
4. Share this award with 5 other people that you think have a beautiful heart too.
5. Link the blogs of the people you chose and link the person's blog who awarded you.
6. Have fun!

Inner beauty

1. Jesus, without Him, I'm just like every other jerk you know.
2. Encouragement, I love to tell people when they are doing something great, that they can make it, I love cards, giving and receiving.
3. Love...love...love.
4. Spending time with God, in music, His Word or in prayer.

Physical beauty (this one is hard)
1. A good haircut
2. Wearing colors that look good on me
3. Eating healthy
4. Not a lot of makeup

Share

I have so many memories of my peanut head.  I think my latest favorite is after choir conference she just ran up to me and hugged me!  And that we are always laughing together!

My 5 picks for the Beautiful Heart Award are...

1. Sara at To everything
2. Constance at Slim Pickin's
3. Deb at Deb's Random Thoughts ...and ART
4. Megan at My life is in Your hands
5. Jessica at Mommyhood
Love to All!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Friends

I'll tell you the truth, I know that we were created to be in a relationship with Christ/God the Father and with others, but it doesn't take much for me to be by myself.  I could give you a million reasons why I just go off to do life on my own.  And I'm lucky because I don't have to.

Last night was Phyllis's Wyandotte Alumni concert.  Friday nights are my life group/bible study night.  I only committed to going every other week because last time I got stressed about it and just scrapped the whole thing altogether.  I was invited to join a life group/bible study by some people that I knew but wasn't super close with, but I really liked them, so me being me, I said I'll do it but if I'm late don't stress me out, and I can only come twice a month... and its funny because I always want to go EVERY week however my crazy schedule gets me there when I can. And I love it because I feel no pressure, which for me is huge because I feel like I have pressure from every angle.  Work, home, being a mom, family, church.  I know a lot of it I bring on myself, but I often feel this huge pressure to be everybody's something...  So I missed last week (ninth grade sleepover) and I was going to miss this week.

And I must tell you the truth, when I first started, I was totally intimidated by the fact that almost everyone had already been in a life group with each other already.  They knew each other, already loved each other, and even though they NEVER made me feel that I was the 'new person' I was intimidated (those voices in our heads... sheesh!). 

Last night while sitting in the auditorium, I got a text, and they were all coming to Phyllis's concert, it might not seem like a big deal to you, but it was a big deal to me (and it was a big deal to Phyllis too!)! Then after we went bowling (I SUCK at bowling, but I like to do it) and it was so fun!

It seems crazy that these people who just kind of came into my life have turned out to mean so much to me, it seems funny that now, I can't imagine life without them...

Ecc 4:10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Friday, February 19, 2010

balance

I'm kind of an all or nothing kind of girl.  I'm trying to get better at not overloading myself.  Somethings aren't that big of a deal when I take them on, but then, some big project comes up and it consumes me and then I'm crazy pressured...

I want to get back to the gym, a couple days at the gym, a couple days on my treadmill at home but I just can't seem to find the time.  Right now Phyllis is in the middle of the musical, preparing for an Acapella performance so that means there is extra stuff added in. 

I also want to do some work on my house.  When can  I do that?

Its almost overwhelming.  I just keep trying to think, in due time.  Hopefully after the musical/Acapella performance I can start the projects (me and the house) I want to.

Can't I win the lottery and pay someone to work on my house?  Not the whole thing, I'd be happy with 20 or 30 grand...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Please Lord!

There is a song by Casting Crowns ‘While you were sleeping’. It’s one of my favorite songs. It’s about how all these different nations missed Jesus. Including America.

I had one of ‘those’ days yesterday. Bought someone lunch and made a dessert for today because people were jerks and its always better to have the balance on the side of good :)

There was one moment when I got up took a very BIG deep breath, walked away from my desk instead of my normal reaction. I prayed. And I only had two words PLEASE LORD. That’s really all I could muster. My brain wasn’t functioning, I could feel my blood pumping, shooting pains. Not good. PLEASE LORD.

And I often think about how I will look to the world. I think about it with my weight, how am I any better if I reach for a paczyki instead of my bible. How am I any different than anyone else? If I let my anger and my anxiousness (and selfishness) get the best of me, how am I any different? PLEASE LORD.

What if I miss an opportunity to be Jesus to someone one, what if I miss the opportunity to love because I’m being selfish and thinking only of me? What if instead of the places named in the song, you insert my name. What if? If you want to know the truth, that’s probably one of my biggest fears, what if I miss an opportunity to love. To show someone Jesus who needs it, or someone on the fence who is watching me, because they think I have something different and then I blow it. Ugh. PLEASE LORD.

PLEASE LORD, help me in my unbelief, help me to love bigger and better, help me to shut my mouth and help me to turn hurt into encouragement, help me to be unselfish and more selfless. Help to me to help others. Help me to be a better steward of my time and my money so I can help others, in Your name, for Your glory. PLEASE LORD.

Romans 8:35-39 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

While you were sleeping - Casting Crowns
Oh little town of Bethlehem
Looks like another silent night
Above your deep and dreamless sleep
A giant star lights up the sky
And while you're lying in the dark
There shines an everlasting light
For the King has left His throne
And is sleeping in a manger tonight

Oh Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
For God became a man
And stepped into your world today
Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
While you were sleeping

Oh little town of Jerusalem
Looks like another silent night
The Father gave His only Son
The Way, the Truth, the Life had come
But there was no room for Him in the world He came to save

Jerusalem, what you have missed while you were sleeping
The Savior of the world is dying on your cross today
Jerusalem, you will go down in history
As a city with no room for its King
While you were sleeping
While you were sleeping

United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we're lying in the dark
There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night

America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again
And leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
As a nation with no room for its King
Will we be sleeping
Will we be sleeping

United States of America
Looks like another silent night

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Spinach!

I love spinach, I add it to a lot of stuff, including my stuffed shells, it's my way of sneaking in a vegetable... its packed full of nutrients.

Yesterday we went to this place called 'Little Daddy's'. I LOVE the Tommy's salad, lettuce, tomatoes, celery, onions, beets, cukes, chicken, feta, dressing, dill. YUM! I asked if they could replace my lettuce with spinach, seriously, it was AWESOME!!!

look at all the benefits of spinach HERE.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Back on Track

It was a bad week, and crazy leading up to it, however, today I am back on track. I seriously think I gained 6 pounds last week!! I didn't weigh in... so I am not sure!

Today I started out with my normal breakfast sandwich

Arnold Bread (1)
Veggie Cheese (1)
Spinach
Tomato
Morningstar Sausage patty (1)
Egg + Egg White (2)

My snacks (morning & afternoon) were planned, blueberries, tomatoes, string cheese

For lunch I had a hummus, tabouli, tomato on a whole wheat pita with garlic

I was supposed to go to Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner however, I looked to see what I could eat… NOTHING! That is probably one of the worst resturaunt if you’re trying to eat well… yikes, so I asked my friend if we could go to Little Daddy’s and I LOVE Tommy’s salad so we are having that instead!

It doesn’t matter what happened in the last two weeks, there may be consequences (on the scale & in my clothes but I am moving forward… and by the way, I LOVE my breakfast sandwich!

I made some yummy stuffed shells for dinner for this week. I wish I could find whole grain jumbo shells, but I filled the shells with ground turkey, zucchini, mushrooms, fresh spinach, garlic, covered it in spaghetti sauce (not in a jar but made with tomato paste & packet spaghetti) and sprinkled with parm cheese. I can’t wait to have them!

So… back on track with my eating which will help with my budget as well (eating more at home and less out).

Saving Money!!!

I have no problem running around to get the best price. I’ve been known to make 5-6 stops for what I need. I also have a lot of prices in my head. I just got the book ‘Family Feasts for $75’. I love it! I already ‘get’ most of it, but I started making a real comparison for grocery shopping, wondering ‘am I getting the best deal?’ We have so many options in our area, Walmart, Target, Meijer, Aldi, Savealot, Kroger, local fruit/meat markets. I love to save money so I can spend it somewhere else/save it/or bless someone! She suggested you do 10 items, then keep adding. I went to Walmart and Meijer this weekend so I added them.

It’s a start! Imagine, if you can save an extra $20-30 per trip and I go anywhere from 2-4 times a month (for example, the difference for my morningstar patties if I buy them from Walmart instead of Kroger is $1.51!!!) I buy those once a week almost $79/year!!), that’s quite a savings. Even on the low end… $20 X 3 = $60/month X 12 months = $720/year. And for me, I don’t mind shopping, actually I love grocery shopping, so its fun! (the photo is my actual beginning of my list)

With $720/year you could (these are close to my heart):
Give 720 Africans clean water (Bloodwatermission.org)
Sponsor 1.5 children (Compassion International or World Vision)
Send 9 Alive/Fuel students on the Detroit Mission Trip
Pay 72% of an Alive/Unite Colombia Mission Trip
Feed 240 people at a Soup Kitchen (based on $3/person/meal)
Give 144 people shoes who need them (http://www.soles4souls.org/donate)

Luke 16:1-14
1Jesus told his disciples: "There was a rich man whose manager was accused of wasting his possessions. 2So he called him in and asked him, 'What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your management, because you cannot be manager any longer.'

3"The manager said to himself, 'What shall I do now? My master is taking away my job. I'm not strong enough to dig, and I'm ashamed to beg— 4I know what I'll do so that, when I lose my job here, people will welcome me into their houses.'
5"So he called in each one of his master's debtors. He asked the first, 'How much do you owe my master?'
6" 'Eight hundred gallons[a] of olive oil,' he replied.
"The manager told him, 'Take your bill, sit down quickly, and make it four hundred.'
7"Then he asked the second, 'And how much do you owe?'
" 'A thousand bushels[b] of wheat,' he replied.
"He told him, 'Take your bill and make it eight hundred.'
8"The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. 9I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.
10"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 11So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? 12And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?
13"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."
14The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. 15He said to them, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Seriously losing my mind

Today is my first day back to 'reality'.  Sunday is the beginning of my week and one of the seven busiest I have in a week :)

I don't know what happened to last month, but it flew by, and in it, i think I lost my mind.  Seriously. Things I thought I took care of, I apparently didn't.  Things I thought I did, I have discovered today that I didn't while I was checking on the first thing I did.... 

I was so anxious yesterday.  Just thinking about the craziness of my life is making me crazy.  Yes, it's easy to say, slow down.  I am sure in your side of the computer you say "geez Margie, take a break"  that might be so easy for you to say...

But let me tell you this, its not that easy for me to DO.  I had signed up for a committee a month ago, and I am going to have to tell them 'sorry, I can help the day of, but i just can't swing the extra commitment'.  I feel bad, however, I need to take care of myself and my family.

Today I made dinner for tomorrow.Stuffed shells and I went to the market(s) and got stuff for the week so that we are ready to go!  A little planning helps in a BIG way.

I chest is kinda tight today, just anxious and praying that God will relieve it today!

I know that people have it way worse than me, but if you get a second, please send up a prayer on my behalf!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

I will never be the same

I traveled for work this past week, and  barely made it out of El Paso because of snow.  But my God is good, and He can part water and stop snow and even make airplanes fly if He so desires.

I went for work, and being the nerd I am, I was excited for the trip even though I knew I'd be out of my element and you know I'm not that flexible...  but it was good.  God moved in my heart so many times. 

As we were on the bridge out of Juarez, MX there was a man holding a sign (in espanol) that said "need money for diapers" and he was holding a boy that must have been 12-15 age who was handicapped, I wanted to give him money but the people in the van said "that's not a good idea" and my heartbroke.  I think I shoudl have taken the risk and gotten out of the car to give him the money.  Don't they say that you'll regret the things you don't do more than the things you do...  ugh.  That boys face has been in my heart and vision since I saw him.  Yikes.  As i am sitting here, my eyes are welling up because we really are so incredibly blessed.  When Phyllis was young, yes, I stood in CVS and figured out the cost of each diaper to make sure i got the best deal, but I never had to stand on a bridge and beg for the money.  Really, how blessed am I? I probably throw away a week what some of the people in Mexico (or around the world) eat because I just don't feel like having that today.  Thank You Lord, for my many blessings, And Lord, help me to be a better steward of the gifts that You have given me.

We had to have faith to get out of El Paso, and we certainly had favor.  I found out at about 12:30 AM that our flight was cancelled, and I was able to rebook on a different airline to get home (scheduled) about the same time as the original flight.  I had a ninth grade sleepover and I didn't want to miss it planned for Friday night!  It was postponed an hour because we had to de-ice in Atlanta...  But we made it, and the flights before and after us were cancelled, really, i'd say that easily over 90% of the flights were cancelled...  With everything going on, my mustard size faith got us home!  Thank You God for being faithful, thank You for Your grace.  Help me to increase my faith, if I can move a mountain with mustard size faith, what could I do, through You, with a grapefruit sized faith?

In the airport i was going to get some over-priced magazines and looked down and the book "have a little faith" by Mitch Albom was there, expensive, and more than i would have normally spent, but I'm half way done, and i bought it.   Mitch Albom is one of my favorite authors and I was thankful to get his book, and so far, and 4 times the price, I think it would have been worth it.  Part of it is set in Detroit, and I've been guided for an additional place to serve on the Detroit Mission Trip.  I'm calling Monday.   Thank You Lord for Your guidance, Lord help me to discern the direction You have for all areas of my life.

I cried when I got home.  Truly, there is no place like Detroit, it's heartbeat is so loud it calls you back to it.  Its soul is warm and welcoming.  It's splendor, oh it's greatness, for things it was, for what it is, and all it shall be!

I will never be the same after this trip.  NEVER!  and I am so thankful for His work in me, that He never gives up, for His grace, and His favor. 

There truly is no place like Home.

Hosea 11:8 "How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zeboiim? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

bisquick recipe

Go Here

Do not be conformed

Yesterday I was talking with a bunch of people and I made mention that I make my own Bisquick, they informed me that it already came in a box, and so on and so forth.  I actually was put on the defensive.  let me first start by saying that I think that you are no better or worse of a person if you buy bisquick from a box or the off brand for that matter.  But I choose to make my own.  It's easy, I can make it with whole grain flour (yes still shortening) but I know what's in it instead of chemicals, and to be honest, I've never looked at the side of the box (until today) to see if there are any words i can't pronounce.

I am trying (though you'd never know this week) to bring healthier choices in our house, and I'd even like to learn to make granola bars instead of buying them, if you have a recipe that's good, please send it my way.  Sometimes it's simple things like changing from white flour to whole grain white flour or making your own Bisquick, or buying more fruits and veggies and less process stuff. I think (totally my opinion here) that sometimes a gradual swing is better than going hog while. 

And what's funny as it just occured to me... when we sin sometimes it's a slippery slope that at first it seems gradual and then before you know it, we are a mess, well, maybe it can be that way for the good stuff too, if we get used to eating better we will make better choices and pretty soon better choices is the majority of what we do.

Yesterday I was kind of put on the defensive about stupid bisquick, but sometimes its our faith that we need to defend.  In our lives a lot of things come at us, and in Romans 12:2 it says Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

I think there are lessons in all things, and yesterday/today, it was Bisquick.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

running


I love traveling, I am traveling for work, for pleasure.

But no matter where you lay your head, there truly is no place like home.

I happen to live in the Detroit area.  If I had my choice, I would live in the city of Detroit.  I really do love the city of Detroit, in the history of its greatness, in the future and potential it holds, and the heartbeat of a city.  The city smiles, and the sunshines on it like no other, we have silver linings in all our dark clouds.

I was talking with some friends about our upcoming (Spring Break 2011 - Cali trip will be postponed) trip to New York.  I said I am a city girl.  They were talking about a marathon, its not that i don't want to do a marathon, its that I just don't have the time to prepare (please don't be my time police and tell me I need to make time).  But they were talking about a relay.  I mentioned it to Phyllis and she was totally up for it, we could run together.  We will see.

Its convicted me to start running, first on the treadmill and then outside. 

I'm excited!  Besides, I hit a huge bump in the road with my diet because I am traveling and eating way too much of things that just aren't good for me...

1 Cor 9:25-27 25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Compromise

com-pro-mise  /ˈkɒmprəˌmaɪz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kom-pruh-mahyz] noun, verb, -mised, -mis-ing.
–noun 1. a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.
2. the result of such a settlement.
3. something intermediate between different things: The split-level is a compromise between a ranch house and a multistoried house.
4. an endangering, esp. of reputation; exposure to danger, suspicion, etc.: a compromise of one's integrity.
–verb (used with object) 5. to settle by a compromise.
6. to expose or make vulnerable to danger, suspicion, scandal, etc.; jeopardize: a military oversight that compromised the nation's defenses.
7. Obsolete. a. to bind by bargain or agreement.
b. to bring to terms.
–verb (used without object) 8. to make a compromise or compromises: The conflicting parties agreed to compromise.
9. to make a dishonorable or shameful concession: He is too honorable to compromise with his principles.

I live in the land of the Autoworker.  I live in the land of what used to be 'the big three' until Toyota came up, and made it 'the big four'.  And let me start by saying I am not making an political, judgemental or ANYTHING against what is happening with Toyota but it got me thinking today about compromise.  (and please don't either!)  Because in the whole realm of the recalls, people are going to lose their jobs, small shops are going to close, and that brings nothing but heartache and sadness.

I'm not taking about compromise like "I don't want to go see that movie or I don't really like that place for dinner' kind of compromise.  I'm talking about the kind that you decide to compromise your integrity. 

Its a crazy thing living for God, when you compromise in some kind of sin, when you make the choice to sin, its not just for the minute that you do it, it's about the focus it takes off God in your life and focuses on you.  Because most of the time (if you're living for Christ & depending on what it is AND if you're compulsive like me) then you're focusing on what you've done instead of focusing on what you should be doing (loving, serving, growing disciples, furthering the Kingdom,etc).

I was thinking about the decisions that someone or a group of people made in the Toyota thing.  I don't know if it was about money or if it was indeed an accident, but now instead of doing what they are supposed to do (sell cars) they are focusing on fixing the problem.  A lot like what we have to do.  We stop doing what we're supposed to do, and we focus on the mess we've created.

And you know I've got mission trip stuff on the brain, i was in Walmart yesterday, planning cereal (what a nerd!) but there is one thing that we just don't compromise on the Mission Trip... safety.  We just don't.  Because if something were to happen. I don't want to see any of my kids hurt or worse and their lives are too important.  I make no compromise about that, if you leave in the middle of the night, or you go outside, you go home, that's it.  We send them with plenty of stuff (water, food) so that their health stays optimal. But what if for one split second, for whatever reason, I said 'sure go walk down to the Wendy's at 11PM at night' and I compromised.  I could probably sit here and list at least 15 things that could go wrong.

Or in my life, what if I decided to compromise and at our sleepover the girls wanted to try some beer or other mixed drink.  I could think of at least 10 things that could go wrong, but in a split second, it might not seem that bad (for the record, I do believe it's bad and I would NOT do that!).  I could say to myself 'one little drink in the safety of my house wouldn't matter'.  but it would.  And then what?  instead of leading and loving those ninth grade girls, I've let them down in ways they may never understand, I've let the church down, and most importantly, I've let God down.  All those people trusted me.  He trusted me.  I'd have to stop what I was doing, try to clean up the mess I've made.  I'd take the focus off of God, and put it on me.  No thank you.

So now I'm thinking, what in my life am I compromising on?

Revelation 14:2 (msg) And then I heard music, harp music and the harpists singing a new song before the Throne and the Four Animals and the Elders. Only the 144,000 could learn to sing the song. They were bought from earth, lived without compromise, virgin-fresh before God. Wherever the Lamb went, they followed. They were bought from humankind, firstfruits of the harvest for God and the Lamb. Not a false word in their mouths. A perfect offering.

Monday, February 08, 2010

El Paso & For this I was Born

El Paso is beautiful.  Its very brown in contrast with a very blue sky.  I got in trouble because I tried to take a picture during the no electronics time on the plan... WHATEVER :)  we were close to the ground anyway...

On my way to Dallas I read For this I was Born by Brian Houston I had purchased for Phyllis last Easter, poor kid gets all kinds of Jesus books that I decide she might want to read...lol...   so she read it, and I think she said it was ok.  because I am nerd and I like Hillsong and Hillsong United, I decided to read it.  I read all but 5 pages by the time I arrived in Dallas.

This book I would say is a definite get you back on the right path or if you're not really lost but a little less found, it was really good.  I really enjoyed the principles of the book, the reference to scripture, instead of the standard "Jer 29:11" verse, which is a good verse, but really, there are more than just that one about God's hope and plans for us. 

I am a huge fan of living out God's plan for us, and I love it when people get excited about what God has in store for them, but it drives me nuts when people stand around and wait...  Get moving people!  Nothing wrong with praying but we need to put legs to our prayers!  If you want milk, you don't stand in the middle of the pasture waiting for a cow to come by do you?  YOU GO FIND THE COW!  Seriously... ok, sorry.  But really the book just talks about vision and cause.  Being saved and called (and the difference).  I really really enjoyed it, so much so that I think that everyone who loves God should read it (request it from your library) especially if you're wondering what your calling is or how you can serve God. 

The book really spoke to my heart near the beginning it talked about how we can't let the things in our past hold us back from the vision, the cause of what God has planned for us (for His Glory) and I thought about my struggles and how I am going to back to the past and past hurt.  The Holy Spirit was really moving in me, move on, work through them, but move on, God will bring such greatness from such pain.

I really loved the book, I have someone in mind who I want to read it. 

Proverbs 29:18 (amp) 18Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish; but he who keeps the law [of God, which includes that of man]--blessed (happy, fortunate, and enviable) is he

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Ham Rolls

1 pkg. Azteca super size flour tortillas
2 (8 oz.) cream cheese
1/3 c. Mayo
2 tbsp. green onions, chopped
1/4 c. black olives, chopped
1 lb polish ham sliced thin

Remove tortillas from refrigerator. Combine cream cheese, Mayo, onions, and olives. Spread thin layer of mixture on tortilla. Arrange ham over cheese. Tightly roll up tortilla. Wrap individually in plastic wrap individually in plastic wrap. Place in refrigerator at least 3 hours or overnight. To serve cut into slices.

Believe it or not...

1.  I have a hard time following a recipe
2.  I don't really like roses (as a gift unless they are a bush)
3. I like Eminem & Kid Rock
4.  Don't like store bought cookies
5.  I love black sandals (I could buy 100s of pairs but I'm too practical)
6.  I think coffee is DISGUSTING!
7. I love to travel
8.  I love to stay home
9.  I struggle if the fact that I matter
10.  I know God loves me

Friday, February 05, 2010

its hard to ask for help

If you know me, by the time I ask for help, I'm desperate.  I always try to figure out things myself first, even though I have no idea half the time what I'm doing.  Sometimes there is great victory when it turns out, and sometimes a lot of frustration when it doesn't... 

I don't know what happened yesterday, but the pilot light on my hot water heater blew out.  I tried to light it, and I'll tell you the absolute truth, I was worried that I would blow up my house, but I tried, 4 times.  I made a phone call for some guidance, but it still didn't work.  I remember when I had to take a cold shower at the end of last year because the element thingie needed to be replaced (that really SUCKED!) and I was not looking forward to another one in the middle of winter with this sinus thing I got going on (made me thankful that I knew that no matter what this was a temporary situation).

So someone called me, someone who I would have thought would have said "I'll come over" especially since they were already out and they live within 5 minutes of my house.  But they said "I can come over tomorrow to look at it" (now this is my perception and my side of the story), but instead Muscle Mike came over and it took him 5 minutes after a meeting he had.

Its hard for me to ask for help, I will admit it.  I don't want to inconvenience anyone.  But really, since I'm trying to get over this hurdle, the real issue is that I don't really think I matter to the person mentioned above, who is supposed to love me, but they couldn't be inconvenienced for 5 minutes, so why would anyone else?    I often say that its not hard being a single mom, partly because its all I know, but partly because I don't want people to feel sorry for me.  Because on days like yesterday when some guy, who totally means well, hits on me and in my head I'm like "really?" (don't judge me) and I come home to no hot water and I just don't know how to do that stuff, I think "what kind of mom are you that your daughter is going to have to take a cold shower in the morning?", or trying to figure out a ride for her when I'm at work or how I'm gonna pay for college or even though I know I can pay for Colombia (if Phyllis gets picked) I'm still worried about that need.  I know that compared to some people's worries, that doesn't seem like much, but I got a list from here to China but we don't have time for all that.

I know I can't do everything, and I'm blessed because I have someone that I can ask (and what's crazy is that it's still not easy), and I'm thankful that God IS my provider, and that He love me, and He never stops working on me...

I love this scripture, it reminds me never to give up, and that includes, asking for help!

Romans 5:1-5 1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

I love my girls & holding back & confessions & a new book!

I was driving home last night from life groups (its still hard to call them life groups instead of core groups but I'm gettign there) and I was just so blessed by them.  I love my girls so much, they are so awesome and open.  I really think some of them are holding back a little (its hard to be brave), but their hearts are so beautiful, and their faces are like sweet angels, I love them so much!  I can't believe how blessed I am.  And its blowing my mind how much God is using the things I've struggled with to help them...  it took me a long time to do life groups, but I think He was really working in me to be brave and it was His perfect timing.

Speaking of holding back... I have this hurdle I'm trying to get over.  Have you ever tried to do the hurdles in track?  Me, no, but I get the concept.  If you do them and you trip, and especially if you 'bite it' its hard to try again because the fear of biting it again is overwhelming.  I kind of feel that way.  I feel like I'm running right up to it, and then I chicken out because I've 'bit it' before and it hurts, but I am trying to remember that when I do get over it, its going to be glorious.

Now for confessions...  I am very frugal, but lately, I've been eating out more than I should, not making dinner, and I need to get back on track.  I was reading Netta's blog, who often inspires me, she had mentioned this book in her blog, and so I was about to place an amazon order, it was $12.21, such a deal!  I think I am inspired!  I just started reading it, and it's really good, some things I already know, but it's like 'duh! why are you wasting money on that?' so I think I've found my inspiration to get back on track!!  I also got one as a gift for someone who would never expect it!!  I can't wait to give it them, I also think I am going to pick up 3 or 4 more copies for some people that are starting out and a few that I know will enjoy it too!!   
One thing in the book was to make a price book with all the prices of the things you buy at different stores so you can do a real comparison to make sure you're getting the best deal, I have a lot of that stored in my head, but I think I might start one on paper too!   

I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”- Psalm 18:1-2
Listening on my Mp3 player today...  Israel Houghton The Power One CD

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Neti Pot

Let me tell you, this post...  is about the Neti Pot.  If you don't have one, you should get one.  The moment I start to get a tickle in my nose or sneeze too many time, I 'netti'.  Its gross but all the boogs come out, and you get well so much sooner.  Anyone who knows me, as soon as you're sick, I'll tell you to get one. 

I don't get all the science part or the tradition of it.  I just know it REALLY works, gross, yes, but it works!

But seriously, it's cold and flu season, it's the best $14.99 you'll spend if you're sick...

and oh, yeah, if you're stuffed up, put Vicks on your feet (not your chest)put some socks on and go to bed.

Just trust me, I'm a mom, I know these things!

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Getting away

Today I posted on my facebook that I wanted to get away. I am...

I am traveling next week, I leave Monday and return Friday. I am looking forward to getting away with the exception of missing Phyllis, who leaves on Friday from school and won't be home until Sunday :( Oh I am going to miss her! she thought we should get webcam so we could still talk and see each other. It's a crazy thing, we are so close, and sometimes, most times, it seems like it's just us. We have family, but they are all close, with each other, and I think it was a slow slide away, but we seem so isolated from them, not anyone's fault, that's just the way it is.
I have a love/hate relationship with being away from home. I love the fact that I can relax, kick back, I will probably not do well at weight watcher's this week, but I can read and I am looking forward to seeing a good friend of mine while I am in El Paso. I plan on sleeping, time alone, reading, having some nice dinners.

I feel like my insides are a mess. I feel like I completely blew it yesterday, I have been so hurt for so long, I literally think I've cried every day in some fashion whether welling up or down right balling in the last two weeks. I am so focused on Jesus, but I am also so hurt.  Working through a lot of it. 

I started a new blog, I don't know if I'll do anything with it.  I feel like it should be private, however, what's the point of having it, if I can't help someone who may be going through the same things...

Monday, February 01, 2010


It is not always when we have something that we celebrate...
I say this because for the average person, it might not seem like I'm being crazy blessed, but God is working so much in my heart, He's keeping His hand over my mouth except when I seem to wrestle loose. Nothing really tangible in my hands but my heart is overflowing.
Nahum 1:7 The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him,