Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Sunday, October 31, 2010

Hug o' War

I will not play at tug o'war.
I'd rather play at hug o'war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.

Shel Silverstein
from Where the Sidewalk Ends

Today Pastor Chilly (I often wonder what his real name is lol) was breathing the word of God into our lives and he said something about how we play tug o' war with God, and I instantly thought of the poem by Shel Silverstein, about how I'd rather just embrace what God tells me to do instead of wrestling with what God says and then giving in because I know that its what's best for me.

On our way to church Phyllis and I were talking about how great it would be to open another Grace Centers of Hope, model exactly like the current one. Do exactly what Pastor Clark and his crew do. Every time we'd see some vacant buildings we'd say that would be perfect. And I would see this crazy vision of the church being the church. Then we drove past Cass Tech (the old one) and it would be perfect. And then I know that in my small mind I don't even know where to begin just to fix the building let alone fix those broken lives of the people of God. I have no clue. But God does, and I was thinking about how great it would be to be a vessel for God. Oh my word! How exciting! And then it happened. God gave me an opportunity. A guy standing on the overpass. with a cup. If you know me, you know that it is not easy for me to give those people money. Not easy at all. I've give you a sandwich, my time, but my money? That's difficult. I have heard stories about how much they collect and what they do with it, and I don't like it. However, God is working in me. The other day outside of Starbucks there was a guy asking for money. He didn't see me so he didn't ask. And then, in my head/heart God said, "the Word doesn't say help the least of these if they ask" and so I turned around and gave him, whatever, I don't even know. And today, God gave me an opportunity to be faithful in little things.

Grace.

I want to be faithful in little things. I'd like to be faithful in big things too, but little things is where I am called now. With a giving, generous, cheerful heart.

You are a faithful Lord, let me be a faithful servant.

Romans 12:8 if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.


I do wonder what it would take to transform Cass Tech....

Family

What does your family look like? I know a lot of people who are great picture families however, there are not great stories. What goes on behind closed doors (or even open ones) is not so pretty.

I don't know why but God has been crazy working on me about seeing what others see. I guess kind of an 'empathy' sort of thing. Its not always about what people say, its about what they feel. He's given me this great new vision to see past what people are saying.

My family looks kind of crazy I think sometimes. Today I was at a funeral and I was looking around at the family of the one who went to be with Jesus. (Which as a side note, funerals are a lot more peaceful when you know the person is going to be with Jesus. Can I get an 'Amen'?). Their family was large and loving, not perfect but loving.

My family is one of love, but there is also a lot of heartache. As I was at this funeral, and its been crazy lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking about how different my life would have been if I had married Mike. Its not that I want to go back in time, because that is not my intention or that today I'd want to be with him, because that's not how I feel either, I just think my plans (our plans) were so different. A bunch more ducks (kids) maybe 3 or 4 who knows + Phyllis, living in a house that I drive past everyday, I am not sure if we ever talked about me working... I can't remember that. But that wasn't how it turned out. I'm not sorry about that, because I believe that wasn't God's plan, however there are days that I long to be married. I find joy that I am where I am supposed to be, however, quite often I do wish I was married. I wish that the banana waffles I made today were made for a large family that we would eat them before we all treked off before church on but instead those beautiful waffles were made for someone who has an empty belly!

Maybe my family isn't the one I had planned, but one thing I am learning these days is that your family is those that you love, and I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Psalm 26:8 I love the house where you live, O LORD, the place where your glory dwells.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Happy Friday its time for my week in review!

Healing Broken Bones is a lot like having faith, there’s a lot you don’t see, you just have to trust.

10th grade girls really are the best! I love my time I spend with my life group girls.

The bible is alive and living!

I must live and love intentionally. No more ‘I miss you’s’ I’m making breakfast coffee dates, even if the date gets moved it still gets set! I am setting dates with my friends that I love.

I really need to get on a better schedule for working out.

People love cookies, even if they are made from a cake mix with a few add in’s. Today was yellow cake with chocolate frosting, and spice cake with pecans and raisins.

I must make applesauce this weekend!

Life is just a vapor. Funeral on Saturday.

Fuel Lock-In coming up. Praying for God to move. For kids to find love and friends and most importantly, JESUS!

Luke warm dinner with someone you love (because they kept falling asleep before they came to your house) is better than a hot dinner without them!

Halloween is not bad, unless YOU make it that way.

How can my baby be a senior already??? Senior pictures this Sunday!

I love my life but not happy being single, but joyful that God has me right where I’m supposed to be.

Why do people think they can do it better than me? Just because you’re older… doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing. Why not learn from my trips around the block?

I really do have some good friends at work.

I love loving! In people I know, and random people. Yesterday at WalmartI bought an employee a water, and you would have thought I bought her a TV!

Weekends are a busy time, but so great!

Cake Mix Cookies

I've made these before, then Pat re-introduced me to this gem of a recipe!  Easy and good!

1 cake mix
1 stick of butter
1 egg

Mix well.  Roll into teaspoon size balls. 

Bake 350.  9-12 minutes.  Remove to cooling rack after 1-2 minutes

So far I've made...
Lemon with lemon glaze
Spice with pecans & raisins with white frosting (with sprinkles)

Yellow with chocolate frosting(with sprinkles)

Chocolate with peanut butter chips
Cherry Chip with white frosting (with sprinkles)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Break my heart for what breaks Yours, and let me do something about it!!

Today I got a phone call from a dear friend. Someone I love and pray for, however, I think in many ways I have failed my friend. I just think I didn’t love her enough. I hope that in today’s phone call, she knew I loved her, and that I will be striving to be a better friend, I will strive to love her more. Sometimes I do think ‘someone else is probably doing something’. I tell my kids “you are someone else’s ‘someone else’ “ I not only failed my friend, I failed God. He gave me the opportunity to love, and I fell FLAT on my face. Ugh. And so I will remain on my face, asking Him to show me more opportunities to love. No matter how big or how small, even if it just means whipping up a batch of brownies.

You know I am highly moved by music. ‘Amazed’ by Desperation Band. “You sing all around, but I never hear the Sound”. I want to hear what God sings, I want to feel the comfort of Him, the direction He gives, I want to hear and feel His love everyday. But know this, and I’m speaking this to myself, so I hear it loud and clear, I do not want to become busy doing, I want to be LOVING. In order to live this crazy life, in love with Jesus, I must be less of me (busy) and more of Him (loving).

I do not want an opportunity to go by without loving. Others and myself.

I sound like one of those ‘churchie’ people. I don’t want that, I just want to be one of those people that point people straight to a God who loves them.

John 3:30-31 30He must become greater; I must become less. 31"The one who comes from above is above all; the one who is from the earth belongs to the earth, and speaks as one from the earth. The one who comes from heaven is above all


Today's (in)courage http://www.incourage.me/2010/10/me-me-me-me-me.html

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I wont' be the same!

I was driving to work today, praying, and popped in the Alive Band CD ‘Come Home’, well, it was already in there, I just turned it on, ‘I won’t be the same’ came on, I was thinking about how different I am now but somehow still the same. Is that weird? There are things in my life that I can’t seem to let go of, making me the same, and there are things that are so different.

I was in Brazil for really 3 days if you don’t count travel. A guy at work thinks its funny to tease me about how many guys I slept with from Brazil (his number is 5). Just in case you are wondering… the answer is zero. I can tell you that there was a time in my life I might have considered it. I might have met someone, had a few drinks and who knows where it would have lead to. Now, 5 guys in 3 days is quite excessive. That kind of stuff just doesn’t really cross my mind these days, You see my life if different, my heart is different. ‘Though I’m broken, still I’m whole’. Everyday God just works and works in me if I allow Him.

Yesterday I was at the gym, I kind of didn’t want to go, but remembered who I was before and who I want to be, and I know that its part of the journey to take those steps on a treadmill, elliptical, or Zumba. Yesterday it was 45 minutes on the elliptical, and I conquered 5 miles in 44 minutes (that’s 8.8 per mile – not too shabby), and I was thinking about what I could have been doing instead, how I could have been loving (sending notes, making punkin waffles, or I’m not sure), that’s how my mind works, what can I do? I’m a multi-tasker, what else can I do? It’s a scary thing, you can miss a lot, but that’s a whole ‘nother post. Anyway, God simply said ‘you need to do this for you, you need to remember that in order to love others, you need to love yourself, you need to do things for you’ that’s sometimes a foreign concept for me. I like (really) taking care of others. I do love to go to the gym, I love the way I feel after, I love the feeling of accomplishment that it brings when you work harder, accomplish a new goal that was set, beat your last goal, but really, I love that I have taken a step towards being more like who I am supposed to be, the woman that God intended.

‘Everyday you are not in the gym, your competition is’. Who is my competition? I’m really not sure, maybe it’s the fat girl and the skinny girl competing against each other, maybe its satan competing for my heart, to keep me from being who I need to be. I’m not really sure. But I know that everyday I am not working on me with God, whether its in His Word, praying, or at the gym (or outside running) I am not being who I am intended to be. Someone who loves, herself and others.

Thank You Jesus for changing my heart. Thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for bringing me hope of greater things to come.

Bridge to ‘I won’t be the same’ ~Alive Band
Its You alone who brings life and hope
You alone can make us whole
Its You!

Phil 1:20 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Show me!

I have a friend who sometimes (used to be everyday if I asked) send me a song to listen to; the words almost always blow me away. I got this song I am not sure when, but today I was listening to a song by Carolina Liar, ‘show me what I’m looking for’. I was just typing away which happens quite often, these songs all of a sudden hit me, the words stream into my heart. Usually you could find me with tears running down my face.

I have been quite up and down lately, ok, let’s be real, I’m always up and down, I struggle a lot, I used to struggle because I wasn’t rested and I wasn’t reading my bible, but I knew where I was always supposed to be, I was youth staff, and still am on a way scaled back rate. But now, I don’t know where I am supposed to be, I know that God is an on time God, He has a plan, I need to just let Him mold me but sometimes I just feel so lost. In the midst of day to day when I’m doing what I do, but feeling lonely, which according to Mother Teresa is the worst kind of poverty, its hard to not feel lost, its hard to see if I am where I am supposed to be. I just sometimes say, no really, its cry, ‘SAVE ME!’ I don’t know how to be this way, I don’t know where You want me, I hear You, I know that I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, however, it doesn’t look like a) anything I’ve ever done before or b) anything I’ve ever seen before. I am walking in faith, faith that seems very much like a mustard seed.

This is what I know… I’m supposed to love in little things. Things that probably don’t look like big things but I know that I am going to be guided that they may LOOK like little things but they will matter to the recipient. I don’t even know if that makes sense.

But I just want TO KNOW! I want to know where I’m going, this road I’m traveling, I just want to know where I am going, where my end destination is, but I don’t get to know, I just get to know the direction but not the destination. But I don’t get to know. But since I don’t get to know, I love the part in the song ‘save me from being confused’. At this point, I want to be not be confused I just want to be confident in my journey. Which is a heart issue, I’ve got to trust. I do believe, help me in my unbelief!

Mark 9:23-24 23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"




Show me what I’m looking for ~Carolina Liar
Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Love more

I think that sometimes people tend to think they have to do something big to make a difference.  For example, go on an overseas mission trip or put some huge 'thing' on but really it usually takes a lot of things to add up to that big thing, and those big things make huge impacts.  And let me say I am not putting those things down because those big things make BIG impacts but sometimes for some reason, sometimes people think that they can only be effective if its a huge thing.

The other day I was at the movies with a friend, I tried to buy her tickets but she wouldn't let me, she kept handing me the money back, and instead of arguing with her over a blessing, I turned around and handed the people behind us the money and said 'enjoy your movie'.  I'll tell you, if someone did that to me, I'd be so thrilled and probably shout out a 'thank You Jesus'.

Knowing that I haven't been a good friend lately to some friends, I feel bad, so bad that it almost paralyzed me.  Just because I am hurting, does not make it ok for me to hurt people

I've been challenged this weekend to do something everyday in the name of Love.  Maybe not some great thing, maybe mail a card, or drop some cute Halloween stuff in the mail to someone, a candy bar, homemade waffles, show up with dinner for the Alive Staff or people working at the new building.  Nothing extravagant.  Just love.  It doesn't always have to be big, it just have to be love.

1 Cor 16:14 Do everything in love.

Love begets love, love knows no rules, this is the same for all. ~Virgil


picture from here

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Soft Oatmeal Bread

Ingredients


1-1/2 cups water (70° to 80°)

1/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup canola oil

2 teaspoons salt

1 teaspoon lemon juice

3 cups white whole wheat flour

1-1/2 cups quick-cooking oats

2-1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast

Directions

In bread machine pan, place all ingredients in order suggested by manufacturer. Select basic bread setting. Choose crust color and loaf size if available.

Bake according to bread machine directions (check dough after 5 minutes of mixing; add 1 to 2 tablespoons of water or flour if needed). Yield: 1 loaf (16 slices, 2 pounds).


Nutrition Facts: 1 serving (1 slice) equals 158 calories, 4 g fat (1 g saturated fat), 0 cholesterol, 296 mg sodium, 26 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 4 g protein.

http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Soft-Oatmeal-Bread

So happy to be home

hI would have blogged yesterday however, I was 'nesting'. When we came in, stuff was everywhere from our week (I had a suitcase and 2 carry-ons PLUS my purse! and Phyllis had a ton of stuff). I was so happy I stopped at Block's on the way home from the airport (though I'm sad its their last weekend!) so now we have fruits and veggies! All my stuff is packed by the door to go back to work (coffee, computer, chocolates, and some stuff to mail).

Today... (no particular order) - some of this might pour over into the week ahead

1. RCDetroit2. Italian Wedding Soup
3. Homemade Bread
4. Waffles
5. Laundry
6. More cleaning (dishes!)
7. Gym (I so need to go to the gym! - get back in the routine!)
8. Figure out how to move computer upstairs!
9. Increase donations - get rid of stuff
10. Pray

1 Sam 1:10 In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD.

(pic taken in Brazil)

Friday, October 22, 2010

Obragada (Thank You)

Its an amazing thing the way God grabs your heart. As I drove through the town of Sao Paulo I couldn’t help but be heart broken by what I saw. I didn’t see any children and I think that God intended it that way because I am quite sure, if possible, I would have emptied my suitcase and got as many as I could in my suitcase and brought them home.

It was absolutely amazing the conditions the people here live in. As I sit in the VIP lounge thinking about how ‘broke’ we are and I should not ever say that again. I think even on our poorest of days, we were not poor. I found out that minimum wage here is about $1.50/hour, there is no welfare, there is no unemployment. If you need to eat, you need to work. I was so saddened by what I saw, and I only saw two hours of it as I drove through the city.

And it sickened me to think I was complaining about the hotel that had two twin beds, it looked like some of the housing I saw was as big as my hotel room, and I bet there were FAMILIES living there, while I just spread my stuff out all over the place. I am a jerk.

It makes me so greatful to be born where and when I was. I makes me greatful that I had not only the opportunity to go to college but truly greatful that someone else paid for it (my employers). How greatful am I that I have health insurance so that when my daughter has a chronic disease (JRA) we have the opportunity to go to the doctor, we have the funds to pay for insurance, and co-pays. Let me never forget Lord. NEVER. Let me be thankful that I can arrive home, and go to Panera to get an iced tea. Let me be thankful that I can probably eat on the food in our freezer, fridge, and pantry. And I probably threw out enough food before I left to feed one of those families, living in those tiny houses for a couple days. Let me never forget to be thankful. Obragada ( thank you) Jesus for your constant provision in my life. OBRAGADA! Let me never forget to be thankful! Let me never forget that God is a God of provision, He, most importantly, provided a way for me, and everyone I love to have eternal life. He provides for me daily in millions of ways, from the first breath I take as I wake to all those in between until the next morning, food, and water, and clean EVERYTHING. Amazing. But by the grace of God go I. One decision away from a mess. Lord, Obragada. Thank You.

It’s a scary prayer, but break my heart for what breaks Yours, but also make a way that I can love like You, that even as one person, I can make a difference, that I will be a chain of love, linked to You. I don’t just want to have a broken heart, I want to do something about it.

I don’t know what that looks like, will I someday adopt? Domestically or overseas. Will I just adopted kids that are around by loving them? Will I love those who are considered my peers or the elderly or the homeless? Let me hear Your voice Lord, let me hear what You have in mind. Walk every step before me, making a way of love, and leaving a path of love in my wake.

Dear God, never let me forget what You’ve done from the cross. The way that You made a way, because I couldn’t earn it. I couldn’t do enough good. I need You Lord, through everything, You made a way.

I thin k of the song ‘Savior King’. I love You Lord, I worship You, Hope which was lost, now stands renewed.

I worship You, Lord. What does that look like? In my words and in my actions. What does that look like? And I’m sorry to say, it probably doesn’t look that way now. But Lord, I’m thankful for You, I’m thankful for what You’ve done. And I love You.

You made a way, when there was no other way. Obragada.

Seasons Change

I love the change of seasons in Michigan, well, I don’t like going into Winter but I know that it is God’s way of having the ground rest and that’s what it needs to do for a beautiful spring, a warm summer, and a plentiful autumn, just cuz I get it doesn’t mean I like it.

There is a saying that says that some people come into our lives for a season or a lifetime. I don’t like that change of season. When I love someone I want to love them for always. I often find myself reaching, grabbing, and clawing to make their season longer. Like not wearing a coat in winter because deep down I don’t want to admit winter is here.

I feel like I am in one of those winter seasons. God is telling me so much to rest in Him, but along with that means that I had to let go of some stuff, a very wise friend said that God can’t put something in your hand if you are holding on to something else. Makes me wonder all of a sudden (like as I type this) about my heart wanting to purge a lot of ‘stuff’ and how hard it is to let it go… hmmm… Gotta listen to His voice for about this. But I have some friends that I will always love, they have brought some great lessons and mostly some great love as they came into my life. And as I changed seasons I wondered how our friendship would weather. And now, after a lot of prayer, I have heard the Holy Spirit speak to me, ‘you’ll always love each other, it just might be a little different’. I find great peace in that, something that I have been longing for, for so long. I needed peace about it. I needed for God to speak to me, I needed Him to say to me ‘don’t worry, there is always love’. Crazy, huh? I think I just needed to change my attitude about it, I needed to always see love.

I’m on my last day of my trip, I arrive tomorrow, I can’t wait to get home, but so thankful for this time that I could spend without the distractions of life (I wonder how I was relieved of so much distraction, and I was still distracted?) and just to listen. To think about how great things really are in my life, how maybe things aren’t exactly how I want them to be, but they are exactly as they should be, and holding all the cards, all the plans, is a loving God, who never lets go, the ultimate life guard who never takes His eye off the sparrow. He has a plan for everything. I feel so encouraged by His love for me as I walk into this next season.

Gal 4:10 You are observing special days and months and seasons and years!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Attitude

Attitude really is everything, you can't change a whole lot of things, but you can change your attitiude. 

While I have been here I've thought about the way things are at home, and as much as I say I do not like downriver, I find myself longing to be home. After reading this book 'choosing to see' I am amazed about the things that God does for a reason, the people He puts in our paths, even for a moment.  Amazing that He knows what we need when we are going to need it.

I've kind of been hurt lately, but really its my attitude on how I deal with it, its been a lot of things lately.  And probably most of it I haven't been dealing with very well to be honest. I've probably caused as much hurt as I have been hurt.  Way to go Margie... sometimes I'm such a jerk. 

But today I was just thinking about God's grace and how sometimes I just don't appreciate it,  and it was at that very moment that God said 'I love you, my grace is sufficient for you'.  And so whatever is coming my way, it is for His glory, sometimes its hard, and in that book, there was a quote, 'Endurance is not the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory' ~William Barclay.  Wow.  That really hit me because I've been pushing through some hard things, but I don't know how much of it could be pointed to God's glory, and that really makes me said, and really its because my attitude sucks.  Time to change that.  Time to see the love that's given to me, and give it to someone else.  Its time to see the roses not the thorns, and to realize that those thorns were put there to protect the roses, because God has a plan.  And His plan is way better than mine, and the sooner I realize that and stop trying to retreat the better off I will be (and those around me too).

I'm so thankful for this trip, it has given me a much needed attitude adjustment. 

2 Cor 12:9:10 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

so far...

So I land in Brazil, someone was arranged to pick me up, he's got a snazzy sign so I know its him.  Ok, so far so good, I feel gross, I need a shower, and I've got to pee.  First class is awesome!  When I win the lotto, I'm flying to Greece first class.

However, driver guy does not speak any english.  ANY.  We get in the car, we're driving, I ask him how long to the hotel.  Smile and nod.  So I'm getting nervous because its been a long time and I read an article on sex trafficking, don't ever do that.  Finally, I get an answer out of him.  3 minutes.  10-15 minutes later we are still driving.  Finally totally frustrated I scream 'CALL JESSICA (my contact) RIGHT NOW' well, it turns out, we were 2 minutes from the hotel, me in the car ready to cry.  Why would anyone send someone to pick you up when they know you can't speak the language and he can't speak English.  Note to self, learn the language.

The hotel has 2 TWIN beds that I have had firmer pillows than these beds. Its horrible, and I think the streets are cleaner than the hallways.  But its a place to rest my head, so for that I am thankful.

The food... eh...  I'm surprised I don't like it more... have you seen the size of my butt?  but eh... its not that great.

I'm more than 2/3 done with my book.  I should have brought 2. 

Things can always be worse, and I feel God's presence while I'm here!  Hope things are well wherever you are!

Psalm 118:24 This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I am that 'person'

So I realized today... I am that person...

I sometimes text during movies. 

And while at the airport I have had 6 gray totes for all my stuff.

I know I probably should checked my bag, but I don't.

And I have had a small purse, and a laptop bag and luggage. 

Oh boy...

Monday, October 18, 2010

Running Bucket list


It’s a crazy thing… If you would have asked me yesterday after I finished the race ‘would you do that again’ the answer would have been a very loud ‘No’ however, now I would. I would do things quite differently though. Next year’s goal: 2:19
I have been so surprised by those who have cheered me on and who cheered me as I finished this leg of my journey. I am also surprised by those who have made ‘digs’ about it. Hurt by those who I thought would celebrate with me, knowing how hard emotionally this was. I do realize that some people may never understand how great it was for me. But all in all it was a great experience, and looking back, its an item that wasn’t even on my ‘bucket list’ even though I don’t have a bucket list… Something I’d never thought I’d do.

I decided to set some easier goals to achieve since it will be a year before I run another half marathon:

1 mile: 9 minute
5K (3.1 miles): :30 hours
10K (6.2 miles): 1:05 hours

Currently I have run 1 mile in 10:55, 3 miles in 39 minutes, and the 10K I ran in October was I think 1:25 so those are both goals that are gonna take some work but its gonna be great to achieve them.

All by the grace of God, that’s for sure.

Phil 3:14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus

Sunday, October 17, 2010

2010 Detroit Half Marathon



I can tell you that this weekend was… amazing and HARD!

I finished in 3:19! I don’t know if that’s good, which I guess isn’t all that great for anyone but me.

This is kind of how I look at it. There are some things I do that I have such a hard time with because I over think it, and sometimes, I just jump right in the pool without checking for water. The jumping applies here. I really had no idea what I was up against or what I was really doing. I’m crazy. And then… 3 friends join me. It was probably one of the best experiences of my life, and probably one of the hardest.

Let’s just start with eating and drinking. We started about 7:20 and finished about 11, on a normal day, NOT RUNNING I would have had breakfast and possibly a snack. This day I had about 4 bites of a disgusting breakfast sandwich, a bite of a larabar and a funsize bag of peanut m&m’s. I tell you the truth, I’ve never had a banana that tasted like heaven until I ran the half marathon! And I know for certain I did not drink nearly enough water.
I probably only ran half the time, it was WAY hard! You can’t anticipate the going up (or even down) the bridge, and once you start walking your muscles get stiff. I know we walked the last 3 miles or more. How do you run on no fuel? Its hard.

But let’s talk about the finish! EJ, Lindsay, and I walked across the finish line linked in arms. It was awesome! My girl wasn’t there but she was at RCDetroit, and so I met her there, and as I walked in they were singing ‘How great is our God”!! Perfect ending!

Our God is great! I could have not put one foot in front of the other without Him, without His grace, without His mercy, and without His direction. He has been guiding me through all this, all along! And let’s not even forget the awesome people that have encouraged me in so many ways through this! It has been an incredible journey!!

I’m so glad I did it, even though it was HARD! And I am proud of myself, 4 months ago, I never would have made it, but with His strength, I made it!

Phil 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength!

P.S. I finished looking fabulous, still wearing lipstick!

P.S.S. If you wanted to buy me a gift certificate to Daybreak Salon and Spa, I would NOT be sad!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

A different kind of day in the D

It’s a crazy thing to think that tomorrow I will be running the half marathon. Now, you know that I’m not running the whole thing, but I’ll be doing it. Completing it.

4 months ago, I could not complete a mile. That’s crazy, 13.1. Thinking back to our first challenge and being defeated before we even started I thought I’d never be able to complete a 5k (and I was allowed to walk) how crazy is that?! It was a good lesson in ‘whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re probably right (Henry Ford)’.

I am glad that I am doing it with 3 other friends, the kind of friends that become family.

Mostly though, I’m doing this with God. This whole journey is about him. Every step, every breath, its about His grace.

I got a cute shirt that says ‘I know I run like a girl, try to keep up’ in a great green color. You can find it here √†http://www.onemoremilerunning.com/Short-Sleeve/Run-Like-A-Girl-Short-Sleeve/prod_581.html?review=write

I got my nails painted a great OPI color called ‘you must have red my mind’ and then realized the color matches my shoes!

Please pray for me and my friends (the 3 I’m running with and the many others that I know that are running) for no injuries and a great time with God.

I can’t wait til I can say ‘13.1 been there, run that’

Happy Sweetest Day!!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Last couple days... and a few days ahead

I’m tired.

TI-RED! Its Friday, thank the Lord!

Its been busy at work, thankfully manageable but busy.

Its been crazy with Phyllis, thankfully, while inconvenient, she just has a fractured 2nd metatorasal. On crutches for the next month. Hopefully people will start hanging out at my house since she can’t go anywhere. Visitors are always better when you’re off your feet.

Since today is Friday, then obviously, yesterday was Thursday, I came home, cooked dinner, then realized the avocados that I was going to use for guacamole were not ripe, so I went up to Meijer while our Mexican casserole was cooking walked in the door with two minutes on the timer, served dinner, then cleaned up (how on earth do two people have so many dishes!!), cleaned, wet-swiffered the floors, wiped down the steps to the basement, two loads of laundry, straightened up Phyllis’s closet, folded two loads of laundry, baked choc peanut butter cookies, then chocolate chip (PRAISE GOD for three ovens), made chocolate covered strawberries, did more dishes (from baking), and then finally fell out. I think I was sleeping BEFORE my head hit the pillow.

I am thankful that tonight is bible study, I love the book of Luke, I love my friends, we are having dinner for EJ’s b-day, bible study, and a movie, if I can make it that long.

Tomorrow is a crazy day, polish change, pick up running packet, check in at hotel (praying the room assignment gets changed – long story on how I screwed that up!), and a fun night with friends. Sunday is the race. I’m excited for it, and for it to be over.

Leave for Brazil on Tuesday! I’m flying First/Business Class, which I’ve never done before and I’m excited for that! Anyway, hoping to be able to pack one bag not to be checked for my trip, its only three days, don’t need much.

Hope things are well in your neck of the woods! Lovetoyou!

Luke 15
The Parable of the Lost Sheep
1Now the tax collectors and "sinners" were all gathering around to hear him. 2But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, "This man welcomes sinners and eats with them."
3Then Jesus told them this parable: 4"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
The Parable of the Lost Coin
8"Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins[a] and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? 9And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' 10In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."
The Parable of the Lost Son
11Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
13"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[b]'
22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.
25"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'
28"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
31" 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

13.1 miles and beyond

Its almost race day. 13.1 miles. what was I thinking? do you know 13.1 miles is a long way. Go on walkjogrun.net and map it out in your neck of the woods. I did it, and its from Fort & Emmons to Fort and West AND BACK! and I paid to run it, and I am excited, more because I love Detroit and am excited to run in the heart of our fair city. And planning on the Turkey Trot, just not sure, 10k or 5k, running with Eliz if I decide to do it. I am sure I will. Oh, and got a note from the hotel 'we're waiting for you'. They have no idea what they are in for :) Excited because Phyllis will be at the end waiting for me but my dad and step mom won't (my dad hurt his knees, understandable).

Today is the feets doctor for Phyllis. BELIEVING that there is already victory, and believing that God will take care of all this.

Got a call from a guy I almost married yesterday. That was a little crazy, glad he's doing well, its kind of funny how his life is so different than the one we had planned.

Going to Brazil next week, excited. Never been to Brazil, or that continent. Wish I could see the giant Jesus but it is too far away. Its spring there. How great is that? As things come to a close before winter here, I get to witness renewal there.

That's it.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Help me overcome my unbelief

Its been a crazy week! I am anxious to get to the doctor tomorrow to see the results of Phyllis's feets. I will tell you that I've been a mess. Not sure why though.

I believe that Phyllis can be healed by God.
I believe that she will be healed by God.
I believe that there will be such Glory for Him in all this.
I believe in victory of the Cross

I believe it all, I want to believe it all, and yet... here I am thinking but 'what if?'. I'm such a moron. My mind instantly goes to the index card on my bathroom mirror, Mark 9:23-24
23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

Help me overcome my unbelief, help me to overcome my 'what if?'s'.

and do you notice it does not say 'help me in my unbelief' it says help me OVERCOME my unbelief, there is a big difference. It is because in Christ, we are MORE than conquerors through him who loved us.

I got a text today, I hope she doesn't mind that I'm sharing this...
Psalm 18:32-34
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.


So then she tells me anoint Phyllis with oil. Now this born and raised (until 31) Catholic girl believes in the anointing of oil (thanks to a certain Kim Castleman and Marilyn Tenore who explained it all to me one Sunday night) but I've never actually done it myself. I kind of chuckled and was like "does she know who she sent this to? I don't know how to do that". And then I prayed. Just guide me Lord, I believe this is your instruction, I believe that it will work, but Lord, help me overcome my unbelief. And so tonight I'm going to do it, with a heart that truly believes that there will be victory and glory in all of this.
On Sunday when I was worshipping, God gave me that vision of Phyllis running on red clay in Africa. Running. A vision of pure beauty.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Eminem

If you know me, you absolutely know that I love Eminem. Not like ‘that’s my boy’ I love him kind of thing. I really love him. I pray for his salvation, I pray for his heart, I pray for his freedom, and to be perfectly honest, I LOVE LOVE LOVE his music. I can relate to his lyrics, and for the past few hours I’ve listened to ‘I’m not afraid’ over and over again.

I can’t even put into words all the feelings I have rambling around right now. Even though I know people didn’t mean to hurt me, they did. And that’s hard.

My baby is sick, chronically, do I know that God can heal her? Of course I do, but that doesn’t make me less… angry. There I said it.

I’m not afraid of what tomorrow or the day after that will bring, I know it will be alright. I just want some normalcy in my life, whatever that is. It’s a funny thing though, I don’t have something to keep me busy, almost like God said to me, we will deal with what we have to deal with, without distraction. Maybe you don’t realize how hard that is, but it’s hard. Sometimes you need something to focus on so that you’re not consumed by the yuckiness of it all. A lot of times for me it was work, or youth group, or working out, but that doesn’t make it go away, it keeps you from dealing with the feelings that you need to deal with.

Music is a great thing for me, it gives me the words when I don’t have them. And today its Eminem. I wish that I could tell you that I don’t love his music but I really do!

Part of my problem is that I am a ‘scraper’ I wish I wasn’t but I am. When the going gets tough, the tough scrap. Sometimes, like this instance, there isn’t anything to scrap. I can’t fight things like this, so my insides are kind of a mess. So I guess I’ll just apologize in advance that my blog may be a place where I vent or work it out of whatever… and like today, I may be all over the board.

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Weekend

Yesterday I went to Cranbrook, took me almost twice as long to drive there and back than I was actually there. I parked, and realized I was hungry, there is nothing in the middle of cranbrook, but I had a small bag of cheezits and a bottle of water and off I went. As I walked I realized how beautiful everything was, as I got closer to the water, the smell overwhelmed me. I walked on the paths and heard the leaves crunch under my feet. I don’t think my mind shut down long enough for God to get a word in edge wise however it did feel good to get all my feelings out.

There were a couple times I just stopped and whatever was going through my head, there was sadness, anger, just a lot of stuff, I prayed through it, I prayed for those who I just can’t believe aren’t there for me. Who haven’t sent a ‘anything I can do for you?’ I expected something from one friend, and nothing… I guess its true that in times of hurt and hardship, you really do learn who your friends are. You realize that if someone has no reason to use you, you aren’t their friend. Its horrible and hurtful, but I guess its better to know.

And then today I ran 8.8 that’s right, almost 9 miles without stopping. That seems crazy to me, but simply amazing and I will openly admit I don’t remember most of it. I did a lot of praying. Thanking God for the vision of Phyllis walking on red dirt in Africa. It was such a great day, it was beautiful and with the exception of the terrible lunch at American Coney Island… perfect. I even laughed when the tranny from Janet’s closet made fun of me simply saying to him ‘you can make fun of me all you want’ little did he know I prayed for freedom for him.

My heart is kind of achy but I’m gonna praise Him through it all. My faith is not defined by my circumstances. I may not like what’s going on but He’s a mighty God, and He’s got it all under control, and I will just rest in that.

Psalm 30:12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Something Fun!

I stole this from Kelly

Age: 37

Bed size: full

Chore you hate: Taking Garbage out

Dogs or Cats: Neither

Essential start you day item: Toothbrush

Favorite color: red.

Gold or silver: Silver

Height: 5' 5"

Instruments you've played: Flute

Job Title: Sr. Acct Manager

Kids: Phyllis

Loud or Quiet: I prefer quiet but I love the loud sound of laughter

Mom's name: Phyllis

Nicknames: Marg

Overnight hospital stay: Phyllis and once with her

Pet peeve: no integrity

Quote from a movie: Your life is an occasion, rise to it (Mr. Magorium's wonder emporium)

Right or Left handed: Right handed.

Siblings: Sister, Delores, deceased.

Time you wake up: today? 7 usually 5:15.

Underwear: yes, i wear them.

Vegetable you don't like: olives!

Ways you run late: I can do this 'one more thing'.

X-rays you've had: back.

Yummy food you make: mac and cheese!

Zoo favorite: Giraffe

Saturday, October 09, 2010

I don't know

I wish I could tell you what I need.

I don’t know what I need.

A long time ago… it seems like ages ago my daughter was diagnosed with JRA, she’s been healed from it and in remission for quite some time, although the official letter came last year on the day she flew to Colombia.

The last couple days have been this crazy ‘I don’t know what to do’ kind of days. I know that God is in the middle of all this mess, and that victory is on its way. And I know I’m surrounded by people who love me and that somehow I am not alone in all this, but that is exactly how I feel. I feel like that mom on December 7th who waited for her drunk fianc√© to show up at the hospital. Alone.

So many times in my life, I feel like its me and Phyllis against the world. We always have each other.

And people ask, ‘what can I do to help?”

I DON’T KNOW!

I don’t know what you can do to help. Really, you can do nothing but pray and listen and sometimes just have everything be normal, whatever that is. This sucks, and I feel alone. I don’t know what to do how to feel, and to be perfectly honest, I’m so pissed! My baby is at the beginning of her life, and I want her life to be more than survival or dealing with whatever, I just want her to be healed. I want to see her life this fabulous life and if I could transplant her feet into my body and my feet into hers, I’d sign up right now. I don’t want to hear ‘we all have our crosses to bear in life’ screw that. Ok, screw that. When you say that to me, I want to punch you in the face and tell you to ‘f’ off. Don’t say that to me. She’s had enough.

I wanted to go to Cranbrook today and I might still make it, I don’t know.

All I know is that I feel like I need to go there, I feel like I need to hear the voice of God and to see the beauty that is there, and I wish someone was there to hold my hand.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Finding Love in Little things

Sorry that this is my 2nd post today, there might be 30 more if I need to.

2 Cor 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

I need to find love in all I do, or I just won't survive. So... in my day, this is where I found love... God is love and He is found in all things

ON FB when people commented on my status or on my posts.
Here when sara said 'we're not having this mess' and a testimony is on its way
In friends who listen
In texts back that say I'm praying and loveyou
In finding coupons on my desk
In songs sent to me via text
In sending gum in the mail
In clean bathrooms
In making cookies from a cake mix
In naps in the car when you're so tired that you can't drive any longer, and God just comes over me and says 'rest here' in the parking lot of my old building. It was a great reminder of where I have been and what God has brought me through.
In cousins who love us

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

You make all things new!

SO I took Phyllis to the foot doc. Its been bothering her off and on but its gotten really bad so I called a doc that came recommended. I’ll be honest, I thought it was going to be something simple, physical therapy, shoe inserts, and she’d be fine.

That was not the case.

She has degenerative arthritis in her feet (both of them) and they are concerned about the ligaments. So we have an MRI on Monday at 8:30PM another doc appointment Wednesday, another appt next Thursday. THANK THE LORD my Brazil trip was postponed one week, otherwise that’s a really long commute back and forth from Detroit to Brazil and back again.

This is not the kind of arthritis I am used to dealing with, so that means new knowledge, a lot of research. It also means that I don’t know what I’m up against, so I cry. And throw up.

So I’m task person, I make a list, I was my immediate plan of attack.

First… I told God I loved Him, and I trust Him, and I know He has it. Simple but 100% true.

Second… send out prayer requests. No point in trying to do this on my own.

Third… satan to hit the bricks. Get to steppin’

I know, I KNOW! That is easily healed for the ultimate healer. I know that He will heal her. But if I know all that, how come I’m still a little nervous.

The bible says have faith the size of a mustard seed and say to that mountain ‘move’ and it will. No matter what happens, I know that God is here, He is in her and with her, and in me and with me. No weapon formed against us will prosper, and I know that God is the ultimate healer, and I am standing in Him through all of this.

But I’ll tell you, this is hard for me, its hard for me not to just hunker down all by myself and battle this (whatever it is that we’re up against). I know that about me, so if you see me, don’t settle for the “I’m ok” or “I’ll be alright” answer because that will be the answer that I give when I’m retreating. I’m just saying. When you’re in the middle of a battle its hard not to just focus ahead.

I’ll also tell you that I was SOO tempted at Panera to get a Cranberry Muffin (I got a turkey sand on whole grain), and simply just said “that will not help anything” that’s not the problem and eating is not the solution. I’m thankful I joined the gym yesterday with the plans of going tonight, it will be a hard workout I’ll tell you. Meaning I hope I can move my arms and legs tomorrow.

I turned on one of my favorite songs of the moment ‘shadowfeet’ by Brooke Fraser.

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that i've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day

when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you

Theres distraction buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
but I've heard rumours of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things
You make all things

So, as this song says “You make all things new” so I am praying, Lord make her joints new. I’m standing strong, You are my Rock, and my Redeemer! God take away this arthritis! I trust that You have got a hold of this and everything else in our lives! AMEN!

Monday, October 04, 2010

Unexpected Blessing

God speaks to me in the times when my heart beats the loudest, when I’m running. Its not even quiet, there’s almost always music playing.

Today I was praying for one of my old students, he’s in high school and his girlfriend just had a baby (she’s also in high school). Allow me to be transparent for a moment, will you (but for the record, I don’t need your permission). I am sad. I know how hard it is to be a young parent, I was a single mom with a lot a lot of help. However, that doesn’t make it easy, it just makes it a little easier. But that baby is an unexpected blessing. Kind of like Publisher’s Clearing House time a GAZILLION!

My daughter was an unexpected blessing. Unexpected blessings even happen to married people who were ‘done having children’ or ‘waiting for the right time’. They are something that we didn’t even know we wanted until we got it!

No child is unplanned. They may be unplanned to you or me, but they were not unplanned by God, He knew everything about them. He knew that they were destined for greatness. And that’s how we should treat each blessing, expected or unexpected.

Children deserve to be treated from the beginning as if they were destined for greatness, because they are. They deserve to be loved. I was thinking about how hard things have often been in our lives, but the story of God is woven tightly in our lives. He never left us. In the hospital bed He held us as I was crying, He has celebrated and laughed with us in times of greatness.

You see, I look at my daughter, and I think she is the best earthly blessing I could ever have. She is destined for greatness.

Jer 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

meme

I copied this from Pat’s blog .

1) What is your biggest pet peeve?
People with no integrity

2) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Since I haven’t really been anywhere, I can only say that I’d love to go Malta or Greece. I actually wouldn’t mind living in the City of Detroit.
Malta or Greece – because its beautiful
Detroit – because our city has a heart beat that never stops, the heart that people have for others, the great ‘little known’ places are fabulous.

3) Have you ever been searched by the cops?
No

4) What is the one thing on your mind right now?
A good friend going through some crap. I feel like I can’t stop praying about it.

5) What is your favorite song right now?
Cinderella – Steven Curtis Chapman, Remedy – Crowder, Ready to love again –Lady Antebellum, For Good – From Wicked, Someone to fall back on – Jason Robert Brown, Chasing Pavement – Adele, and last but not least, Shadowfeet – Brooke Fraser.
You see, I can’t just have one favorite.

6) What talent do you wish you had?
I would love to sing well.

7) What is your favorite drink?
Iced Tea

8) Describe yourself in one word
Loving – or at least I try to be.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to do this if you would like, and let me know if you do so I don't miss your answers.

Simplify!

Patch the holes in the living room and hallway for preparation for painting in November.
Straighten up garage in preparation for parking in it this winter!
Lay the carpet in the basement!
Clean house in preparation for the week

Run 3-4 miles
Check out First Baptist Dresses for Phyllis homecoming!
Laundresize!
Pray for Alive (I'll be doing this all day! no matter what else I am doing!)

Clean out linen closet (donation pile here I come!)

I did pretty good on my to do list yesterday, I didn’t run or clean out the linen closet. But that’s ok. I went downstairs to get something from the laundry and thought “I need more storage” and then I thought “no you don’t, you need less stuff” and so… this coming weekend, I am going to start purging, things that I just don’t need. I have a lot of extra kitchen stuff, blankets, etc. I am going to put a bunch of it away for Phyllis so that when she gets her own place, she’ll have some stuff to start out with. Kitchen gadgets, bowls, etc, the rest I will either donate or give away. I just have too much stuff! I’m blessed beyond belief but I think all the years of not having much have made me want to hold on to stuff.
Maybe its just me, but sometimes I hold on to things, and people in my life long after they should have been held on to. I had a friend, someone I cared for so deeply, and I should have said ‘goodbye’ long before so much pain was caused. I hold on with both hands so tightly that God cannot put a new blessing into my hand. I’m thinking that in all this purging that is about to occur, someone who needs something will be blessed, I will be blessed in getting rid of the clutter, in simplifying my life, so that there is less of me, and more of Him.
John 3:30 He must become greater; I must become less

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Honey Do Lists

I make my own Honey Do Lists...

Today is my first Sunday 'off' so I'm off to do some stuff around the house!

Patch the holes in the living room and hallway for preparation for painting in November.

Straighten up garage in preparation for parking in it this winter!

Lay the carpet in the basement!

Clean house in preparation for the week

Run 3-4 miles

Check out First Baptist Dresses for Phyllis homecoming!

Laundresize!

Pray for Alive (I'll be doing this all day! no matter what else I am doing!)

Clean out linen closet (donation pile here I come!)

Its gonna be a great busy day!

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Overwhelmed by the Grace of God

Sometimes I just can’t help it. I cry. And I smile! And I take nerdy pictures so that I never forget a memory.

Today I was sitting at the Downriver Council of Arts overwhelmed by the grace of God. My girl was singing as part of the AKT Theatre Caberet. Sorry if you missed it, because it was AMAZING! Angie Kane Ferrante… you rock!

The story of us, you’ve heard it, maybe you haven’t, I don’t know. But I watched my girl sing, and I’ll tell you the truth, it seems like just yesterday when I lay in the hospital bed with my girl as she was diagnosed with JRA (Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis) and here she was tonight, singing and dancing and jumping around, and I looked at her hand raised and I can see the effects it had on her wrist although no one else probably noticed. I think this girl singing, she didn’t deserve a mom like me, young, stupid, but thankfully hardworking and perservering. But still, this beautiful girl, she got stuck with me, and I worked hard and screwed up, but by the grace of God, I am a good mumma.

I think about being cured of JRA, and school of choice that landed her in the best music program lead by the best music teacher/director EVER, who has an amazingly talented daughter who lead the Roosevelt Drama Dept and now runs AKT! I think about how blessed I am to have this house, to hear music, to be able to afford the tickets, to have a job, to see her sing, to love students, to not have to walk home in the rain, to having the best daughter.

I can’t even tell you how blessed I am, I just keeping thinking ‘but by the grace of God go I” with tears streaming down my face.

I am blessed.

Thank You Jesus. It doesn’t seem like enough, but THANK YOU, arms high and heart abandoned, to the One who gave it all. Thank You, getting on the cross would have been enough, but You love me, and that’s certainly more than I deserve.

But by the grace of God go I!!

Romans 6:14 For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.

Friday, October 01, 2010

Crabby Patty

Just call me Crabby Patty.

I’m tired! I’ve been sick for 5 weeks. Yes, I know, reduce stress, drink water, and REST! Ok, I get it, however, when does one find time to do that rest part? When you are supposed to rest when you have a house, work, and you must take care of the everyday things in life. And did I mention, I haven’t exercised since last Thursday that does not make me any happier.

I just want to feel better, I went to the doctor, new antibiotic because I know have Bronchitis. Yes, I should stay home from work today, but I can’t. Too much to do. I work in automotive, its just like brain surgery, everything is an emergency. You don’t believe me, give it a week working in the industry, you’ll see. Its not that it’s a bad thing, its just the way it is.

I’m looking forward to some much needed rest tonight. And tomorrow. And Sunday.

Pray for me, will you? I need rest and I need to feel better. I leave for Brazil on the 11th and I do the half marathon on the 17th.