- (of a person) sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations
It’s a funny thing, I am rarely disappointed in people. There aren’t too many people that I have high expectations of. I am a realist, I know people are human, and I know they will mess up, I expect to give grace, but rarely does anyone disappoint me. I put my faith and hope in Jesus Christ. And I may be disappointed in someone’s actions… but usually not people. There are, however, a few, very few people, that can let me down or disappoint me.
And that happened. I woke up this morning and thought “I am so disappointed in him”
I even caught myself and said “you know better than to put any hope in a person” but I did. And he let me down. And I was sad. And you know I said last week, I could endure the holidays or enjoy them, the choice was mine.
So I read my advent calendar. Did some of my bible study. Made myself one of my very favorite breakfasts (egg salad with avocados), and headed off to work. I got to work and something really great happened, but all day this nagging disappointment haunted me all day. I put on praise music and chose to focus on Jesus and all the goodness He brings.
The first song I heard was a song by Fred Hammond
I really love the song, and decided to download the rest of the album, and I found myself praising Him! Trusting Him and knowing that He has a plan, and while I may be saddened, disheartened, and disappointed, that will only last a moment because my faith and hope and trust is in Him. I will give grace, and forgive because that is what is required.
|Photo Credit: Pat Trent|
I came home from work. I made dinner and saw that some people I love were going to an Advent Service, LOL and I asked if I could go, however, I didn’t know it was this big ta-do and there were tables, and decorations… and I totally crashed it! LOL But my friend Amy Rennie (http://www.absolutefaith.net/) was speaking and if you have ever heard Amy on her radio shows or heard her speak, you know you don’t want to miss it. And somehow Donnie Osmond was going to be saved or something so I just HAD to see that!
|Photo credit: Pat Trent|
I went, I felt kind of uncomfortable at first because I thought “you’re such an idiot, how do you even come up with these crazy things like crashing a woman’s advent event” but maybe I was just overcome with the Holy Spirit and knew I needed to be there. I don’t know but that sounds much nicer than I was a nut case and just showed up (who does that?!)
Amy gave the word and it was really amazing, she spoke/taught about three women of the bible who were are great part of the Christmas story. Elizabeth, Mary, and Anna.
These three women were all very different and as Amy spoke of each one I could relate to them. Each needed restoration, the kind of restoration that can only come from God. Amy spoke of Elizabeth who needed her dignity restored (been there), Mary needed her reputation restored (done that!), and Anna needed her purpose restored.
Now I will tell you that I never thought leaving a church could be so hard on one’s heart. And one of the things that is difficult is figuring out where God will have me serve next. Serving in a multitude of places has never been difficult for me. Just go where called. God opens the doors and I walk through them. But going to a new church, I have no idea what God wants and when Amy spoke about Anna and when she said “she needed her purpose restored”, I could have sobbed right there. I know how that feels!!
She spoke of the three women and what they had in common. They were devoted to God. Absolute devotion. They would do anything the Lord asked. And I want to be that kind of woman. Isn’t it great that the choice is mine?!? These women were not extraordinary on their own, but they were because they were chosen by God. What an amazing teaching! To be chosen by God! What a privilege.
|photo credit : Pat Trent|
As I left, driving home, so thankful. Feeling a little (very little) less weird about crashing the Advent Celebration I know that God wanted me to hear that message. He reminded me that I am called to live in love, and kindness towards others. To forgive. To give grace. To live an extraordinary life. To let go of hurt. I must let go of this hurt and baggage in order to fulfill the purpose He has for me (I kind of wish He’d let me in on what’s going to happen). I can’t hold on to something and expect God to fill my hand with something else.
Today, as I went looking for Emmanuel, I found Him in places I didn’t even know I’d be looking today. I found Him in disappointment and party crashing. I guess He really is everywhere, we just need to have our eyes and our hearts open to see Him.