Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Friday, October 28, 2016

Faithful heroes

I just left a family night in the city at a church. I left tired, thankful, full of joy, and I'm not sure what was louder, the gym or Festival of Praise last week ;)

Feeding the kids, decorate your own donut, games, candy... I'd like to tell you it was organized chaos but really it was just chaos. It was crazy and not like I originally planned in my head. But we all know the saying "want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans" Hahaha 

The people who show up and serve there every week are heroes to me. They are faithful. It's not about spotlights or Facebook status, it's about loving even when you're tired or just to sick to go on, but serve you must. 

I'm thankful for them, they teach me what it looks like to live a life faithful to a calling. They inspire me to be the best version of myself.

What a great night. I'm so thankful 

Saturday, October 15, 2016

The lyrics of our lives

It was the first U2 song I ever heard. I was at a neighbors house and none of my friends listened to U2

The album War came out in 1983, I was 10.

It's my favorite U2 song.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Nice title. 

I had no idea what the lyrics meant.

I've heard the song 100s of times. 

Today as we sat around the table eating and laughing, and singing the words rocked me to my core. I was actually afraid to laugh because I was afraid that release would begin tears.

"Many have lost, but tell me who has won?"

I'm a scrapper. I fight. Even though I could plot a death to go undetected, my heart aches.

I really do want to change the world. God has called my heart to Haiti. The country certainly has seen its share of disaster. 

I just want to do something. 

Drug addiction
Mental illness

The need never ends, and while I have a heavy heart that I carry around.  How can I help? What am I called to? 

I must do something.

I'm tired of the tearing apart. War only divides. It tears apart. 

We need together. We need to be honest in our struggles so people will listen.

We need to not look at our differences as a hinderance  but as a strength to love more people.

I don't know how long we must sing this song, I don't know how long we are supposed to talk about it. 

Let's band together and do something 

I must do something 

You can listen to the song at the link below (lyrics below)

I can't believe the news today
Oh, I can't close my eyes 
And make it go away
How long...
How long must we sing this song
How long, how long...
'cause tonight...we can be as one

Broken bottles under children's feet
Bodies strewn across the dead end street
But I won't heed the battle call
It puts my back up
Puts my back up against the wall

Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday, Bloody Sunday

And the battle's just begun
There's many lost, but tell me who has won
The trench is dug within our hearts
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters 
Torn apart

Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday, Bloody Sunday

How long...
How long must we sing this song
How long, how long...
'cause tonight...we can be as one

Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Wipe the tears from your eyes
Wipe your tears away
Oh, wipe your tears away
Oh, wipe your tears away
(Sunday, Bloody Sunday)
Oh, wipe your blood shot eyes
(Sunday, Bloody Sunday)

Sunday, Bloody Sunday (Sunday, Bloody Sunday)
Sunday, Bloody Sunday (Sunday, Bloody Sunday)

And it's true we are immune
When fact is fiction and TV reality
And today the millions cry
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die

(Sunday, Bloody Sunday)

The real battle just begun
To claim the victory Jesus won

Sunday Bloody Sunday
Sunday Bloody Sunday...

Friday, October 14, 2016

Smaller parts

The mountains, they are a great lesson for me. 

I've been lucky to have traveled a lot of places in my life. 

I'm just a motherless kid. How many times I've felt like that 6 year old who missed her momma because I never remembered.  I'd cry when people asked, and sometimes I still do cry when they ask or just thinking about it. Like I'm tearing up now. 

I've seen the mountains in Colorado, the mountains in Mexico, the mountains of Haiti, and as I sit on this balcony in the Great Smoky Mountains I can't help but think of God's ultimate plan. Each tree has a purpose. He has laid the foundation of world. 

We are like these trees. Each one beautiful and wonderfully created by The One who loves us. Our beauty does not go unnoticed. Our purpose, whatever it is, does not get overlooked by Him who made us. 

The truth is that sometimes I'd love to be the beautiful red one. The one who stands out to be noticed for it's between.  But really my strive to be like an evergreen. Strong and true. I hope to be the person that provides shade but can let the sun shine on, I hope to be dependable, true, loyal, and loving to those around me.  I fall short so many times, but like in all things His love and mercy prevails.

I'm thankful to be just a small part of a Grander plan 

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Towards the sun

This morning the sun came up as majestic as it has every day before today. And just like every other time I've seen it, I was blown away. 

I took a couple pictures one of the mountains with the sun on its back, one with the sun on it.

I began to think. The view with the sun on its back, it beautiful however the view with the sun shining seemed, more majestic. 

I began to think of my walk with God, what's happened before today, the part where the sun shines on my back, it matters and its lovely but the view with the sun on it, is warm and inviting. Makes me want to run the race set before me.

I don't know all the details, but that's the way I want to go, trusting Him .

Saturday, October 08, 2016


For most of my Christian walk God has said "be still" and most of that time, if I'm being honest I didn't listen. That's the truth. THERE'S MUCH TO BE DONE!!!  

But lately I've calmed to a much slower pace. I pray about what to do. I use the priority system when scheduling. It often means I have to say no, but I'm much happier and more important, joy filled.

Last night  I played laser tag for the first time. I literally was so nervous i almost puked. It was fun! A lot of fun!!! (Try new things!!)

I am a lot calmer these days, I have CTFD moments but they are fewer and far in between.  I'm quick to apologize, and quick to hug.

I see my life surrounded in love because that's what i choose to surround myself with.

I can still see the thing thing or maybe what I'm missing but that's not where my focus is. Being single is not a disease. And there are bonuses in being single. I can spend my time anyway that I choose, I can have cheese and crackers or cereal for dinner. I get the whole bed. Sure there are pros to being married, but since I'm not married, I'll choose my pros. 

I can still see things I need to work on like my weight (and I'm better than I was). It's not just a weight change it's things I have to work on in my life and heart. But if you know me, you know I'm not afraid of hard work! So
I'll do it!

I'm just so thankful! I've filled my life with love, and that's what I've got!!

Still have the "must do something" attitude but I am quiet and pray first!

Tuesday, October 04, 2016

31 days of love - People I love... Katie Dorband

There are few days in your life when something people say is life altering.  Sometimes maybe you don’t know it, but one sunny day, on my way to Buckley after getting home from Haiti, one phone call changed my life. 

“I have to tell you something, can you come over on Monday? I need to tell you in person. “ I Knew she wasn’t pregnant.  So no new muffins.  I actually thought I did something wrong.  You know I am always saying things that are dumb and mildly (or more than mildly) inappropriate.  And then it came…  We are moving, she couldn’t wait.  And I cried.  It was a day my life changed.  You know what other date my life changed? The first day I met her, and we didn’t even belong to the same youth ministry.  I’ll never forget her cute self, the kind of person that you think can’t possibly be that real.  After years and years of being friends, I can tell you, she is as real as it gets. 

I am thankful for her friendship, and while I love love love The Boys, I will tell you, I go to visit my friend.  She is encouraging and fun, and I am never afraid to try new things with her.  I tried the incline, climbing Red Rocks (both ALMOST killed me), found out I love paddle boarding.

My friend Katie is a great example of loving Jesus, working hard, being a great mom, and a great advocate for her children.  My friend Katie has taught me to love bigger and stronger because she teaches me to love like Jesus because she lives by example.

1 Cor 11:1 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ

Monday, October 03, 2016

31 days - People who I love - Dawn Bender

There is a writing challenge every October…  Go deeper for 31 days.  Write everyday.  I knew it was coming up but I wasn’t sure which month it was because… there is more than one month with 31 days. And now I am behind LOL but you know I always have something to say. 

What to talk about for 31 days? That always seems challenging.

There are so many great people in my life that I love and love me!  So I am going to write about them.  I am the luckiest to serve and love people.  People inspire me. They encourage me.  They teach me how to love bigger, and they stretch me.

My friend Dawn, I almost always refer to her as “Dawn Bender”.  I mean that’s her name but for some reason when I say her name I say her first and last name like it’s all one.  Dawn is all about adventure.   She likes to change things up, she also has pink hair and has had it long before all the rest of the US thought it was cool. 

The thing about Dawn is that when she loves you, and she loves me, you know it.  She is a hard hugger and a big smiler.  She loves Jesus and it shows in all the things she does.  When she speaks her excitement and love comes right out in her voice.  She raises 3 little girls who have all very different personalities with great love and joy, even when she’s tired.  She makes them a priority. 

She really inspires me with her encouragement and love for people who are the same and different than her.  I actually miss spending time with her, and even not always agreeing because I learned from her, a different perspective.  I felt loved and supported and I hope she felt the same about me.

I’ll forever be thankful to God for crossing our paths and allowing me to serve Him with her.  For her friendship and her love!