So this is it. I am sure no one really cares, but I was told (by God) that I was supposed to write (and publish this). My day went pretty crappy yesterday. I know that God is a loving God but I also know that He is all powerful. And when I don't listen... consequences. I don't know if it was a coincidence or not, but I am telling you, I feel better when I listen to God, even when it's not something I want to do.
I was listening to Chris Tomlin at work today, "you've seen the depths of my soul and you love me the same". I can remember when I first heard that (Youth Specialties), I think that was the moment I decided I wanted to marry him (everyone has to have something they really want but it's out of their league- trust me, I strongly doubt that he would even be interested in speaking with me!) And then I'm listening more... "the earth is filled with His Glory". He knows what I need to say, He knows that out of my struggles, I will, in turn, serve Him by helping someone else. After I get my poop in a group.
So... here it is...
I don't want to write about this. For real. But I can hear God saying... you need to be held accountable. You need an accountability partner for this one. I watch you struggle with this everyday. This is not easy for me. Believe me. I'm a sinner.
I want to save myself for when I am married. I know it's a little too late. Only a little though because Christ can wipe my slate clean. I wish sometimes I had no sexual desire and life would seem so much easier. I fight with this every day. EVERY day. It's everywhere, it's in the grocery store, in the car next to me, it really does seem everywhere. I try to be strong, and then Satan sends it to me with a beautiful package, a HUGE temptation. The package is beautiful on the outside, shiny paper, a beautiful bow. I want to open it. I think, oh, just once. One more time. Then I will wait for my husband. But I lean on the Lord. I know that once I open the package, it will be great... for a minute, then I will be sorry. My heart will ache for the one that God is preparing for me.
I had to listen to my daughter say "my friends told me 'you're mom is a sinner'". I literally could have died at that moment. That sucked. I made a mistake. I "signed on" to a relationship without consulting God first. By no means is she a mistake. I gave her to the Lord. She is His. She is the perfect example that if you give it to the Lord that He will make good.
Please help me. Pray for me. Hold me accountable. I know God is preparing me, and preparing my (future) husband for an abundant life in His light. But the preparation is difficult.
1 Thes For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you shoudl abstain from sexual immorality.
I was listening to Chris Tomlin at work today, "you've seen the depths of my soul and you love me the same". I can remember when I first heard that (Youth Specialties), I think that was the moment I decided I wanted to marry him (everyone has to have something they really want but it's out of their league- trust me, I strongly doubt that he would even be interested in speaking with me!) And then I'm listening more... "the earth is filled with His Glory". He knows what I need to say, He knows that out of my struggles, I will, in turn, serve Him by helping someone else. After I get my poop in a group.
So... here it is...
I don't want to write about this. For real. But I can hear God saying... you need to be held accountable. You need an accountability partner for this one. I watch you struggle with this everyday. This is not easy for me. Believe me. I'm a sinner.
I want to save myself for when I am married. I know it's a little too late. Only a little though because Christ can wipe my slate clean. I wish sometimes I had no sexual desire and life would seem so much easier. I fight with this every day. EVERY day. It's everywhere, it's in the grocery store, in the car next to me, it really does seem everywhere. I try to be strong, and then Satan sends it to me with a beautiful package, a HUGE temptation. The package is beautiful on the outside, shiny paper, a beautiful bow. I want to open it. I think, oh, just once. One more time. Then I will wait for my husband. But I lean on the Lord. I know that once I open the package, it will be great... for a minute, then I will be sorry. My heart will ache for the one that God is preparing for me.
I had to listen to my daughter say "my friends told me 'you're mom is a sinner'". I literally could have died at that moment. That sucked. I made a mistake. I "signed on" to a relationship without consulting God first. By no means is she a mistake. I gave her to the Lord. She is His. She is the perfect example that if you give it to the Lord that He will make good.
Please help me. Pray for me. Hold me accountable. I know God is preparing me, and preparing my (future) husband for an abundant life in His light. But the preparation is difficult.
1 Thes For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you shoudl abstain from sexual immorality.
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