Be the light

You go on Mission Trips for many different reasons, you learn even more than you ever thought you ever could. This is my first mission trip, and yesterday I was exhausted. I was tired of asking over and over for the same things to be done. I was tired of a lot of things, I haven't slept good in longer than a week. I even worked in the kitchen at Grace Centers of Hope so tired that I even had a hard time smiling.

Today, I am tired in such a different way. I wish that I could tell you in words what my heart is saying, my heart is aching. It's aching for girls who feel abandoned by their parents, for girls who have trust issues, for kids who have parents who may be getting divorced and they think it's their fault. And my heart aches go on and on.

I stand here today knowing that my dad didn't do everything right, but he loved me. I stand here today telling you that I don't do everything right but at the end of the day, I hope my daughter knows how much I love her.

I stand here telling you that I am a statistic. I am a single mom that by the grace of God is saved. I am the wretch the song refers to. I am those girls who have trust issues. Who for a long time blamed herself for her mother's death. I am someone who built up walls, who needed prayer who still needs prayer.

Katie was playing the song below on the piano as I started to blog. The songs words resinated through my heart. I am on my knees tonight in front of, behind, with these girls, crying with them and for them. Lord, they are the rays of sunshine that you made them to be. Lord, they shine brighter than all the stars in Heaven. Lord, in You, they have hope and a future. And Lord, Oh God, hold them in Your arms tonight, rock them to sleep, and Lord, let them feel that they are loved. In Jesus' loving name. Amen.

Eph 5:8 8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light

I need you by the Swift
My heart is restless in me
My wings are all worn out
I'm walking in the wilderness
And I cannot get out
I need You, Oh, I need You
Blessed Savior come
I need You, Oh, I need You
Fill the every longing in my soul
CHORUS
Oh, how I need You, Lord
I need Your perfect Word
With tearful eyes to see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today
My bed is soaked with sadness
My sadness has no end
A downward spiral of despair
That I keep falling in
I need You, Oh, I need You
To You my soul shall fly
I need You, Oh, I need You
Yaweh, how I love You more than life
CHORUS
Your silence is like death to me
So won't You hear my desperate plea
Today my soul is soaring
Way over mountains high
Though I can see the valleys
They're all just passing by
It's not that I am stronger
Look at my feeble wings
But I've been lifted higher
Yaweh's lifted me in His own strength
Oh, how I love You, Lord
I love Your perfect Word
With tearful eyes to see The God who always will endure
Now I will celebrateFor all the thousand ways
That You have shown me grace
And made my heart in grace to stay
You've made my heart in grace to stay
Lord, make my heart in grace to stay
I need You, Oh, I need You