Our lives (ok my life) tends to be nuts. It's seems I run and run. I think that I am following in God's plan. I think I am doing what I am supposed to do. I wonder if there is really healing going on in my heart and soul. I wonder with all my screw ups, am I really doing what I am supposed to do and am I truly where am I supposed to be. I sometimes stop (only for a second) and do a little evaluation. I stop to smell the daisies and count the blessings.All in all, I think I still have a lot to work on, I have a LONG way to go, but truly, I feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I think that everyday God's healing is in my heart. I find these little "slips" that come out of my mouth that are actually good, when my speech is God's word, straight from His book. It sometimes surprises me. I speak truth, and surely I am not worthy.
Since I didn't actually finish the breast cancer walk, I have been wondering, should I do it again, only I am going to finish this time. 
Would that bring glory to God? Would it heal me more? The wounds of the death of my mother were (yes were) deep. But through that whole walk, the training, the fundraising, the emails, the praying, there was great healing in my heart, and yesterday I got my answer. Should I do it again? No. I was speaking of my dad and my stepmom. I don't even remember what I was talking about, probably about going to eat on Friday with my family, and I said it. I said "my dad and my mom". Not Cheryl, not my stepmom. My mom. At first, I was like "WHAT?! Did I really just say that?" because honestly, I don't know if I will ever say "hey mom" when I walk in the door, I guess maybe I will, but I don't know. But this I do know, I love her, and I'm comfortable with all of "the new family stuff" because God healed my heart.
Would that bring glory to God? Would it heal me more? The wounds of the death of my mother were (yes were) deep. But through that whole walk, the training, the fundraising, the emails, the praying, there was great healing in my heart, and yesterday I got my answer. Should I do it again? No. I was speaking of my dad and my stepmom. I don't even remember what I was talking about, probably about going to eat on Friday with my family, and I said it. I said "my dad and my mom". Not Cheryl, not my stepmom. My mom. At first, I was like "WHAT?! Did I really just say that?" because honestly, I don't know if I will ever say "hey mom" when I walk in the door, I guess maybe I will, but I don't know. But this I do know, I love her, and I'm comfortable with all of "the new family stuff" because God healed my heart.Psalm 30:2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
Comments
I have lost my Dad and other loved ones and although their place can never be taken i know they are rejoicing with the lord and that is a a joy.