Turning back

I can understand why people come to Jesus and then go back to their old lives. Ok, pick your chin up off the floor. You've never gone on a diet, looked and felt better than ever, only have something go right or wrong in your life, and right back to the fridge you go? Get over yourself.

I listened to a sermon on a CD last night and today. It was about surviving, mostly focused on ministry. Ministry (any ministry) is brutal. I don't trust the person who acts like everything is perfect... go blow it out your ear. There is a part when someone says "I'm just glad I made it". I feel like that at the end of some (most) days. I am just glad I made it.

The other thing on the CD, accountability partners. This guy had an accountability partner for everything. Spending time alone with God, working out, you name it, I bet he had someone who asked him if he pooped everyday (pooping is very important, I am not mocking, if you don't think it's necessary, ask someone who hasn't pooped in forever). I started to think, who is my accountability partner. Who says "how you doing on your struggle with always wanting to have sex? (I am not married, BTW, so I can't do that), or "have you read your bible everyday this week?"

Let me answer that for you. No one. I am accountable only to myself. Apparently people think one of two things... she's too busy to get into trouble. (Here's the very quick answer... I'm NEVER to busy to get into trouble, trouble seeks me out) or they figure I was Catholic before I really followed Christ so I have too much guilt to get into trouble. If you think either of those two things... You're dead wrong. I fight my battles on my own (with God's help of course).

And today, I could have done a 180 and walked away from this life I have. To be perfectly honest, until the consequences start rolling around (and they always do, eventually), life is easier as a "worldly" person.

Now, I am not asking you to run out and send me an email and say "how you doing on that whole sex thing". Here's your answer... I'd be a lot happier if I was getting some, but I'm not. And am I reading my bible, most days yes, some days no. But sometimes I read a book about growing Christ, so it's almost the same thing.

I don't necessarily know if I want an accountability partner. I know my answers, I have to sleep with myself every night, and at the end of every day, I have to answer to God.

There's a million things I struggle with, some daily, some weekly, some monthly, and some just sneak up on me every once in awhile. I think of the armor of God. I remember first learning about it. I don't fight any battle alone anymore, I sometimes crouch down and I hide. Sometimes I stand tall. Knowing full well, that everyday, a war rages on for my soul. And I am not a quitter.

Hebrews 10:26-27 26If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.