I was talking to someone once (this person happens to be addicted to crack) and they said something to me like 'really, what's the worst thing you've done? Ran a stop sign?' but you know, I feel sometimes like I'm the biggest sinner, that each one of those lashes and the beating that Jesus got was all because of me.
When the the Pharisees asked Jesus, what is the greatest commandment He didn't say "don't do drugs, don't drink, don't steal, don't commit adultry, Matthew 22:37-40 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
So if God tells us those are the two hightest on His list, that makes me a big wretch. Because I don't always love God with all that I am. Sometimes I just don't trust Him, and if I don't trust Him, doesn't that mean I don't love Him with everything I am. Oh, and let's go with that who love your neighbor as yourself. I don't even like myself that much, so how could I love anyone else? Yikes. But I want to love Him more! and if I say it, and I keep saying it, and everyday I love Him a little more, then I guess I'm on the right track, right? Everyday is a surrender, it's loving Him more than me.
And I just think that if I start to let Him control my life, and I let Him in me, then I'll love myself and if I love myself than I really can love others like we're supposed to love. What if I take care of myself, I eat better, I feel better, than maybe I can help others. I can love them, so they learn what real love is and they can love themselves and Jesus too. I think it really has to start at home (myself), I've got to really focus on Him, so it will stop being about me, and more about Him.
“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”- 1 John 3:18
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