Sorry

Sometimes we do something for someone and we just think it’s going to be a blip, its not going to make a difference one way or another, no good or bad will come from it. We always hope that good will come.  And then it happens, something goes wrong, we are wronged, even though we were innocent in the whole thing. Until our mouth opens and all the hurt and pain come roaring out like the tide. Out of the overflow of our heart, our mouth speaks. And then whatever innocence we had is gone.

I had this situation. One that I am sorry I ever decided to be kind. Very rarely will I ever say that I am sorry for being kind, for opening my home. This time, I am sorry. I am sorry that I opened my home only to feel unsafe in my home for the first time in eight years. I am sorry that I can’t forgive the person (people) who wronged me, and I’m sorry that I didn’t just put duct tape over my mouth, and I’m sorry that I just didn’t clean up the mess on the porch so I wouldn’t constantly be reminded of what they did. And I'm really sorry I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

Quite often in our lives we have to clean up someone else’s mess. Whether we like it or not. And sometimes others have to clean up our messes. The sooner we clean it up, the sooner it will be over.  Unfortunately, we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That’s a sad thing to come to grips with. But that’s just the way we did, we live in an imperfect world, but we love and serve a perfect God.

I was singing the CS Lewis song today, this song resonates in my soul. How I long for God to speak to me, and not just that, how I long for my flesh to be weak and my spirit to be strong.

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. ~ Luke 6:45

God please keep speaking to my heart so that the overflow is nothing by You.

CS Lewis Song - Brooke Fraser
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?

Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming