What do I look like?

Don’t answer that.

I’ve been praying about something since last night. Reviewing me.

I was with two groups of people at two different times yesterday. One that doesn’t love Jesus, and one that says they do. At each time, more than once in my head I screamed ‘Yikes’ could be why I have a headache today. They didn’t look any different. And while it saddened me, I wondered… how many times do I not look like I love Jesus. Yikes! (again, reason for headache). Surely I thought people will say lots of great things about how often I do look like Jesus, however, I purposely don’t post things that make me look NOT like Jesus. Another thing that happened to me is that someone really hurt me when I asked for something they said I had to wait two weeks, but when someone else asked for it the answer was “I’ll get you one, just don’t tell anyone”. I was so hurt. I thought ‘wow, I can’t believe you just did that’ but it made me think ‘sometimes you do something for one but not for all” though I must say I really do try to be fair.  But whether I am fair or not, I will try harder to love bigger!

I got a note from someone last week, an awesome encouragement. It said ‘I have a dear friend at work who truly lives in and spreads the spirit of Jesus. When you first meet her, you don’t think she’s “one of those”. She isn’t preachy or solemn. She is very loud and fun and takes life head on, good and bad, and as I got to know her I realized she has a depth of faith I have never known in another person. Everything she does outside of the office she does to serve God. And as I watched the joy and purpose of her life, it made me want some of that, too.’ That was the beginning of her testimony. I was pretty shocked and thankful that God could use someone who messes up like me.

And then yesterday Pastor Chilly posted about what does it mean to live a Holy Life? Oh boy, fall short again. If I walked as though Jesus was holding my hand surely my life would reflect it. And I know that He is with me always, till the end of the age, He says so.
Matthew 18-20 (second bible lesson I learned) 18Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

‘I am with you always’ Jesus says. I believe His word. I believe in Him. And I believe Him. So I am praying, that my walk matches my talk. That when people see me, they see Him, that He will take me and mold me and use me to gather more to Him.

It’s a painful lesson when you see you in other’s. We learn from those lessons, over and over, until we get it.