New Morning, New Mercy

I often wish I was more like Mary. I wish that I sat at the feet of Jesus listening and soaking Him in like Mary. But instead I feel like Martha on speed. Sometimes I resent being Martha but I don’t know any other way to be because I know that I can’t always handle being a Martha.
I look around and I see so many things that need to be done, and who is going to do them, if not now, then when, and if not me, then who?
I look at my garage that needs to be painted, my basement that needs to be de-cluttered, I look at the ‘staging’ area of my dining room for whatever is going on (currently it’s school supplies for Africa, fundraiser food for the El Salvador Trip, and the weekly meal taking for Alive leaders). There is so much going on that I never feel like that room is ever right. We obviously don’t eat at the dining room table. Heck, until this week, it’s been whatever we whip up for dinner. I think about when will it all get done. And lots not even start with friends who need Love, teenagers who are hurting, friends who need prayer, people who need things done, and let’s not even begin to think about the orphans all over the world…
I look at my calendar and it looks like someone threw up the alphabet on it. I wonder, how can it all be done? But then I get tired, and I am hurting myself with so much pain all around me. I often don’t always think correctly or have the wrong perception about things. I see things that aren’t really as they seem. Hence how I could possibly think that someone doesn’t care about me but cares more about the money I could raise. That’s dumb. So dumb. I have this nutty thing that I often believe that people only love me for what I do, not who I am.
Here’s the thing, I like being Martha. I like that God uses me to do things for Him, the part that I really struggle with is that I think that nobody notices me because I feel like they don’t really like me unless I do something for them. I could go on and on about the things that bug me, but I won’t because they don’t really matter to anyone but me. And the truth is, I like being a Martha, I just wish that others would join me in the kitchen or wherever I am. I know that Jesus meets me in the kitchen. I need to find the balance of Martha and resting. As a ‘Martha’ I am task oriented, a box checker, and in many ways I do like being a box checker, I love helping others, but I need to find my value in Jesus, and no one else, because when I do, I listen better, my perception is better. I gotta read my bible more… and live it… ugh :/ I'm thankful for His forgiveness. A new day, a new mercy, a new beginning.
Lam 3:22-23
22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends![a]
His mercies never cease.
23 Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.

Luke 10:38-42 38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”