My bike was blue. It was a hand me down bike. It was a boys bike too, I am not even sure where I got it, I just remember one day it showed up. Before the bike, I had a big wheel. I loved my big wheel, I rode it myself, and I pushed my friends on it (and had fallen many times doing that) and they pushed me so we could go super fast!! I wanted to ride that ‘new bike’ but I didn’t know how.
So I balanced on it for a long time. I’d “ride” it down the street all the while just kind of using my feet on the cement to push myself, maybe sometimes I’d go “crazy and be brave” and put my feet on the pedals. I never had training wheels, so there wasn’t any “adjusting” , it was a get to it kind of adventure, which is probably why I just jump into things, thinking I can do it. At some point my dad would come out and hold the back of the seat and for weeks he would run with me holding the seat while I pedaled. I knew I could trust my dad to hold me until just the right amount of time. My poor dad he ran alongside my bike for I don’t even know how long, that’s what people who love us do. They come alongside us until we can do it on our own. As we get older, and we know Jesus, we recognize that we don’t ever do it all alone, Jesus is with us. At some point, I am not sure when it was, but after week or weeks, my dad let go and I was able to ride my bike. I mean, I still took a few spills here and there (especially when going around the corners) – maybe that’s why my gram always said “take it easy on the curves. But eventually I did it on my own. I was able to be ok on my own.
It’s like how I save dried flowers. I love love love flowers but they only last a short time, however, if you dry them, you can keep them until you are ready to get rid of them, when the timing is perfect. When I am ready to get rid of them, then I can. It's my time :)
Right now, I’m not ready to let go, I need some time, I’m getting there. But if you’re holding on, please don’t let go… yet.
So I balanced on it for a long time. I’d “ride” it down the street all the while just kind of using my feet on the cement to push myself, maybe sometimes I’d go “crazy and be brave” and put my feet on the pedals. I never had training wheels, so there wasn’t any “adjusting” , it was a get to it kind of adventure, which is probably why I just jump into things, thinking I can do it. At some point my dad would come out and hold the back of the seat and for weeks he would run with me holding the seat while I pedaled. I knew I could trust my dad to hold me until just the right amount of time. My poor dad he ran alongside my bike for I don’t even know how long, that’s what people who love us do. They come alongside us until we can do it on our own. As we get older, and we know Jesus, we recognize that we don’t ever do it all alone, Jesus is with us. At some point, I am not sure when it was, but after week or weeks, my dad let go and I was able to ride my bike. I mean, I still took a few spills here and there (especially when going around the corners) – maybe that’s why my gram always said “take it easy on the curves. But eventually I did it on my own. I was able to be ok on my own.
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| These are flowers that I dried that I have received |
I am so thankful for people who don’t leave until it’s time because I am not good at saying good-bye. But I can, I just have to do it in my own time. I’ve had so many people leave, in order to “survive” a loss, I have to work through a lot. There are good moments and bad moments. There are laughter and tears (and sometimes puking) but I do it.
Right now, I’m not ready to let go, I need some time, I’m getting there. But if you’re holding on, please don’t let go… yet.
Comments
Oh .. and those flowers, when you finally 'let go' .. put them in the compost and watch what beauty/life gets nourished next time you spread a little compost around your garden. It's amazing what dead flowers can do for new life.