More lessons in forgiveness

I had written a post last night but I didn’t post it because I felt like it wasn’t complete. I went to bed thinking about things I needed forgive. I went to bed praying. I thought about this verse:

But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” (Mark 11:25 NLT)

I woke this morning with a gasp! I had a nightmare. About unforgiveness. And the hurt that come from unforgiveness.

In others...

I didn't think I was suffering from unforgiveness... and then... I felt that lump of hurt that is held in a place that sometimes I just can't see until... Until I find myself saying something hurtful in my head. And it almost spewed out of my mouth. (thankfully the filter was applied).  I had forgiven the words that were said to me that caused me pain, but I didn’t forgive them for hurting me. There is a difference. And in that moment, I realized I needed to forgive the hurt. And then that moment I was like "oh brother, I got some unresolved stuff I need to forgive". I remember learning about forgiveness and the person teaching said that if we forgive someone we agree not to hold the offense against them any longer. Clearly, I wasn't there

In my own heart...

I know that I shouldn’t be angry at God. When I look around and see people who are so sad or shells of who they once were, and in places they don’t want to be or things are happening to them when I think He could take care of it all, because He is always is in control, it makes me so angry. Or even when I think about the directions He has taken me, and it’s so hard, or I feel so alone. I feel like sometimes I even have to forgive myself for being so angry towards God. That I’ve had to say “I’m sorry, I don’t like Your will, I don’t understand it all”. I keep praying, and sometimes I have to pray “I don’t like this, You know my heart, and so You know I don’t like this, and so change my heart Lord”. I’m not ok, if you’re wondering, but I am working through it all in thankfulness because that’s what He calls us to do. And I know I have so much to be thankful for.

I’m just working through it all. Forgiveness, it’s essential, not easy, but essential in our walk with God. He has forgiven me a million times (and counting) and I will continue to forgive, myself, and others.

Luke 17:3-5 3 So watch yourselves.

“If your brother or sister[a] sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

5 The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”



and... this is not about you...