The next chapter

I am going to confess something to you.  

I was SO mad at God when I was in Haiti.  We fed people which is what I love to do, but I wanted a fishes and loaves scenario… not only was there enough but there was more than enough.  I was mad!  I mean like throat punch mad!  “You could have made that pot feed 10,000 people, and I believe that you could, even big helpings! What in the world God!”

Now, God knows me, and thankfully He loves me, but if anyone deserved a throat punch that day, it was probably me.  I was just so sad, and it turned into anger.

I love Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly^[a] with your God.

Well, at that moment, clearly that whole ‘walk humbly with your God’ eluded me.  What a jerk!  Who do I think I am!  Questioning God.  I guess I believe that He is in me, and that the part of me that loves others and wants to love others in feeding them is from Him.  I mean I love the verse

Isa 1:17 Learn to do right; seek justice.
    Defend the oppressed.^[a]
Take up the cause of the fatherless;
    plead the case of the widow.

Well imagine my surprise (though some of you will not be surprised by this apparently it takes me a moment to catch up) God said as I was yelling at Him “that’s why I am going to send you”.

Well, now isn’t that a shock?

Do you know who I am God? I am not that “type” of person who goes on long term mission trips or becomes a missionary.  I look around, maybe He was talking to someone else.  Surely not me.  And let me tell you, I accept it. 

I am not sure how it is going to work out, but I accept whatever the call on my life is.  I am trusting in Him.

In all those crazy moments, I never once doubted God.  I mean, I was sad and mad, but I know He always has a plan.  He is sovereign.  In the craziest of moments, I read His word and have been super thankful for it every day since.  His word comes alive in my heart in my darkest and craziest and most amazing moments!  I’m thankful for it (that’s why I always tell people to read their bible!!)!!

Today as I was listening to the bible and listening to the story of David in Samuel my heart smiled.  Even though my story isn’t as awesome as David’s and I am not nearly the person he was, and my story isn’t written for all the world to see, God loves me so much that He has written my story and it’s glory is for Him. 

I am not sure what lies ahead, but I know that I trust the God of the universe who holds this woman in the palm of His hand.   

And someday when I do write that book… I can’t wait to write the chapter entitled “Jelly”