Feeling

Everyday I wake up around 2am and I can't figure out where I am. The other day I actually got out of bed in a panic, where is my team? I had been dreaming we were all together and woke up alone. 

I have all these feelings inside and don't know how to express them, and I can't seem to trust myself to let them out. I feel surrounded by people who love me and completely alone. 

I really do want to cry every minute. I try not to laugh too hard because it will soon turn to tears.

I am afraid to ask tough questions for fear of the answers, even though i know I'm the one who needs to ask.

I feel completely in love and completely heartbroken at the same time.

I feel the longing to be a momma, even with a grown child, which is a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. 

I feel the need to love and hug while scared to feel for the risk of love is great.

I miss Haiti. I drove around yesterday, knowing I am blessed to live here. Knowing God has me here for a reason, and I trust Him but my heart longs for the uncomfortable places, the difficult and the dirty, the vibrant and the beautiful.

I don't really know how to explain it, but to be in a place that makes me feel most like Jesus, and serving Him seems easy, a place I know I'm called.

I feel trapped because I'm not sure of what step to take first. 

All I know is this... This verse popped up in my head over and over while we were there...

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. (1 John 3:18 ESV)

It's time to get to walking, but it's also time to stop and look to Him for direction in which way to go.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. (Psalm 119:105 ESV)