Man, it's been rough. I can't even begin to tell you. I feel like I've been through the ringer lately.
I have to keep silent because the bible says in Luke 6:45
A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. (Luke 6:45 NIV)
I'm sad at some things
I'm angry at others
I'm excited about something's
And scared out of my mind on others
The only thing I know to do is to be quiet, and to cry. If i don't be quiet there's a good chance if I'm not quiet, the universe will hear something it shouldn't.
Today as I was driving home I thought "enough of this too whom much is given much is required" stuff. My heart is breaking, ok God?" Yes that would have been the words to my psalm. Real eloquent. And then He reminds me. He's got me to cover the feet of those He loves and a box of crocs arrives for the muffins in Haiti. I almost cried. I didn't. Well not until later. On my way to the airport the song by Audrey Asaad came on, "Good to me" and it reduced me to tears.
Yes You are good to me.
I put all my hope on the truth of Your promise
and I steady my heart on the ground of Your goodness
When I’m bowed down with sorrow I will lift up Your name
and the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy
Chorus:
Because You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me
I lift my eyes to the hills where my help is found
Your voice fills the night raise my head up and hear the sound
Though fires burn all around me I will praise You, my God
and the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy
Bridge:
Your goodness and mercy shall follow me
all my life
I will trust in Your promise
And so I remember that life is not about me, it's not about what I want. I've been given much, and much is required. And that means when I'm tired, I find strength in the One who is strong. I rest in the shadows. (Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 17:8 NIV))
It means that in my loneliness I will seek Him (You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13 NIV))
It means that sometimes I don't always agree but I will always trust. He is faithful.
I know this post seems kind of sad and not the kind of post that Christians are supposed to write. Maybe that's the problem, maybe as Christians we aren't always real with our feelings and our struggles. But these are my feelings and my struggles. But I know, I KNOW and I believe that Christ is at work in my life and my heart. I believe that what He has set out to do, He will. (being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6 NIV)). I am blessed to know that He is working in and through me and I'm thankful that He is faithful all the time and loves me enough to love me (and give me a gentle reminder) when I'm feeling and struggling.
Oh psalm 23, He stitched it on my heart so long ago to keep it close.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (Psalm 23:1-6 NIV)
That is a much better psalm than I wrote...
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