Yesterday I sat at my desk after yelling at two different
people. And I don’t mean “yelling” like just telling someone something that
they didn’t want to hear, I mean YELLING!
And I threw my headphones. Ugh.
I started thinking oh stupid gentleness. Test failed. EVERY week, we study a part of the fruit of
the spirit and the last couple weeks, I’ve been failing every “pop quiz” that
has come my way. I know that I can’t be
more like Jesus if I don’t work on these fruit. I know it, and each test is a
way to get better at what God knows we need to be more like Him.
I felt so defeated, and you might think it’s dumb but I
cried. “I’m never gonna get this stupid fruit I’m like clay soil that nothing
grows in!”. I might have been being a
tad over dramatic but I really did feel so defeated. Ugh.
So I put in a podcast, a teaching by Bruxy Cavey at the
meeting house. There is something about
how he breaks things down, God’s love that we should share and it’s for us
too! So by the end of the first podcast
I listened to, I was feeling better.
Breathing in Jesus. Knowing I
failed but also knowing His mercies are new every minute not just every
morning. I’m not perfect but I love The
One who is! And He loves me!!
Also I have been feeling kind of crummy lately. Too many unwise choices at BBQs and other
places. Garbage in, Garbage Out. So I decided that I would start making better
choices… but wasn’t going to track… Now,
let me tell you, for me, that is not a wise choice. I need to track my food… I just do, I do not
do well if I don’t. So I decided to
enter it all at the end of the day. That
could have been awful. Just plain awful, but thankfully it wasn’t. And I felt good, that I made good choices,
and they paid off. Today, I input my
food BEFORE I packed it into my cooler for breakfast and lunch, which is even
wiser.
Both of my issues are “heart issues”. I’m angry because my heart isn’t right in all
areas and I make poor eating choices because it isn’t right too. I normally would just “chuck” the day but
yesterday I decided, I didn’t need the hard reset of tomorrow (which I usually
choose), I decided right that second to do a hard reset. There was no point in waiting, only more
damage to myself and others would be done if I went on the current path. But that won't help anyone, especially me. So I have to stop, and pray, and do what I know to do, it makes me stronger. (2 Cor 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. )
Later on yesterday I went for a walk with a dear friend and
we just talked, where we are (not perfect) and where we’d like to be (Perfect).
You know, that sometimes I am just a hot mess. A hot ugly mess, and yet, God
works in me. And He used this friend to remind me not be a jerk, but to be who He is creating to me to be, right where I am. He has sent His spirit to
speak to my heart to keep my light burning for Him.
Today, I am thankful for a God who never gives up, loves me
enough to correct me, and set me on the right path. He is a Faithful Father and I am thankful for His
grace.
John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in
me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have
overcome the world.”
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