On Sunday we worshipped in church to “You make me brave” it always reminds me of Katie. She said it was the song that she sang before they moved to Colorado. I listened to the song on repeat one day and CRIED THE WHOLE DAY! There were moments, I will tell you the truth, I didn’t think I was going to make it without the Dorbands. That’s just the truth. Thankfully, phone calls, texts, and visits, I still here, probably stronger.
While listening/singing God simply spoke to my heart and said “I know you love them, but I wanted you here” and I know that had The Dorbands stayed in Michigan, I probably never would have left serving with them.
The truth is that I am scared about almost everything. I am always afraid of making a mistake. Do you know that when I make a meal for someone, sometimes I’m even afraid to ask them if they want me to. Like the other day, I dropped a meal off for someone, I didn’t even ask them LOL, I just did it. That way, I don’t know… they couldn’t say no.
Look I know I can cook. The other day we went out to eat, because I was kind of sick of cooking and eating my own food, so we went out (Had a groupon) and then we ate… and I said “I could have cooked way better than this” LOL but sometimes I think it might seem lame to drop off a meal. But it’s what I do. I can’t change that. So I do it even if I’m afraid of something dumb.
It’s in the daily obedience that I am the most anxious. Am I supposed to do this? Does it make a difference? Will my gift of love be looked upon as dumb. I just want to love people in a way that they want/need to be loved.
The craziest thing I've been anxious about is that I really feel like I need to learn to sing. I am never going to be T-fab that's for sure, but not making people's ears bleed would be great. I feel like I'm going to have to sing at some point in Uganda, and I'd prefer to do it well or at least not horrible. I've been sweating over asking for help for a long time, I mean seriously, I cried. I am such a crier! The thought of doing something I am terrible in front of people, that's just crazy to me, but how will I ever get better if I don't ask for help?!? So I did it.
In those moments of pure anxiety, I have to just be still and listen. Let Him speak to me, let His word get into my heart, get pumped up about who God called me to be and what He called me to do!
I stand before You now
The greatness of your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of you
King of Heaven, in humility, I bow
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