There are things I love about myself, and things that I probably could do without. I hate that I can find all the things I'm inadequate at or that I can easily go into the mode of "well I'm not equipped or enough". I also love and hate the fact that I always feel like I must do something. I love it because when I set my heart and mind to something, it gets done, no matter how long it takes (the soccer field is just an example), I really try to be in things for the long haul. I hate it because my heart is easily broken and I could sometimes cry for days if I over think.
I've learned to put my faith, and my life in the hands of Jesus. I will do what He asks, whether I feel equipped or not. And sometimes (often) it's a very humbling experience.
I can't tell you why, because I don't know myself, I feel so called to refugees, Syrian Refugees to be exact. If I had the money or I was allowed, I am pretty sure I would have booked a flight to Syria yesterday to go do... something. Is it dangerous? of course it is! But that dumb "must do something" part of me was on high alert.
That part of me, the negative self talk part of me, started with "you're not a doctor, a nurse, or anything probably helpful, YOU'VE GOT NOTHING". I ripped my own heart out of my chest. FOR YEARS I had listened to the voices of people I knew who "loved me" tell me all the things I'm not, who made me feel like I never lived up to their expectations, who thought I was too much spice and not enough sugar. I'm spicy, God wired me to have a passionate heart... that's just the way it goes.
And then I thought... I have two arms. I can love people and hold people, I can laugh with people and color with children, we can play dominoes, we can unwrap dum-dum suckers together and find out what color our tongues are after we eat them, and even for just one hour or maybe one minute, they will know that with all the evil in the world, someone really loves them. (John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.)
I don't have any great talents, I've got a doctorate in Nothing. But I am a great hugger (one of the best) and when I loveyou, you know it. And I can cook you a meal, and after all, you've got to eat. I'll never be a great communicator from a stage (and nor do I really want to go that! but I really admire those who can) but when I speak, I want my words to be of encouragement and love, the person in front of me is the one I care about. And I'll take the talents from God over any other worldly talent.
I am not everything but I AM enough. (Exodus 3:14 God said to Moses, “I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I am has sent me to you.’")
So, I'm going to figure out how I can help refugees in this area, and I am praying about going to a refugee camp in the fall in some other part of the world.
I don't know much, but I do know... I must do something.
Micah 6:8 (ESV) He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?
Micah 6:8 (NIV) He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
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