I'm in a weird place right now. I'm trying to scale back, slow down, and discover.
I love my life but it needs to slow down. It needs to be less.
When I found myself pregnant at 19 there were many thoughts in my head and heart and after years and years of people feeling sorry for me because I didn't have a mom, no one was going to say "oh poor margie look what happened to her" and so I decided I was going to do it all, be it all, and no one was going to stop me.
I created, by the grace of God, a great life, but at 44 I've found myself tired and feel like there are broken parts of my life that are in desperate need of restoration. So I'm working in clearing my calendar, and by working on it, I mean I will. It doesn't mean I will schedule more "meaningful" events, it means I won't schedule things in those days.
I saw this verse today, psalm 63:3
“Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you!” Psalms 63:3 NLT
God's love is unfailing, and it is better than life, there is nothing I can do or have that compares to it. I will live my life for Him but it will not be an insane schedule or because I'm worried about what people will think or if they will like me, it will be for Him, and Him alone. I will do my best to remember that the life I create for myself will never be better than being in His presence, and living the life that He created for me.
This certainly won't be easy untraining my brain and heart but it will be worth it.
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| Picture from here |
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