The truth is I learn a lot about myself during trials. It's not that I like it but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger... except bears, they will kill you.
If I'm gonna be truthful, I'd like to tell you that I'm exhausted. And even though my dad's had tons of surgeries and procedures, this time, I'm a little anxious. My dad is my first love, and though he drives me absolutely batty sometimes I want him to be strong.
I am in uncharted territory. I want to fight something but there isn't anything to fight so I'm staying quiet. Quiet is not me. But in the quiet I can listen.
In the times when I am the most tired that is the time when I think that I'm all my weakness. When someone says that I am hard to love, I take it to heart because that same person all my life made me feel like I wasn't good enough for... anything. But as a dear friend reminded me, I am loveable and loved. I just might be too much for them. LOL, I am too much for a lot of people!
The truth is that God made me loud, and a fighter, and passionate, and kind. He made me a lot of things but mostly He made me so that I can love LOUD and BRAVE!
It's been hard. To see my dad who has survived so many surgeries and gone through so much in life, more than most people should have to, be reduced to needing so much care. And let's face it I'm no Florence Nightingale.
So here I go, in uncharted territory knowing a few things...I was made for this, even in the moments I don't think I was.
God has all of this in the palm of His hand, and nothing happens without His permission.
I am a child of God. He has chosen me, protected me, and made me perfectly imperfect.
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