Missing my momma

I’ve been kind of anxious lately so i decided to go to the cemetery to visit the marker of my momma.

I don’t know why. She’s not there anymore. After 44 years I’m quite sure there is nothing left. When i was a child i had always wished that she wasn’t really dead and that she had Left and then decided to come back. But obviously she’s really gone. She would be 77 on her birthday this August.

I’ll tell you a few secrets about what i believe. And i don’t say these things to hurt anyone? I’m just saying them because in my heart i need to.

I don’t believe my mom is there. She’s long gone. Her and my sister are with God. I also don’t believe her spirit is with me. I do think that because of the great lesson of love she taught me, she’s with me. Each person i love Is a legacy of her life - love.

I know of my mom in the stories others tell and i carry those deep in my heart like the most treasured possession.

I also know that if my momma was still alive she’d really love me and even like me, because people i may be too much but not too much for her. We’d laugh together. I know she’d think that my sweet daughter would bring a twinkle to her eyes like she does to me. 

I know she’d be so damn proud of us! 

I’m sure that I’d really like her too!!  

There are some days i long so much to call her to hear her voice so i could carry it with me and if I’m honest somedays i just can’t even imagine what it must be like to have a mom because how do you know what you don’t know.

I don’t know much but today I’m missing my momma. 

It happens, so i acknowledge it, feel it, and live the life that i have.

Hug your people.