I was thinking today about how terrible I think it is that people are hungry. It saddens me, it angers me. There is more than enough to share.
I have been thinking about being vs doing. Yall know I can check off a checklist like nobody's business.
Just being, unless one on one is uncomfortable for me.
I was praying about this on how to move from doing to being. Like how does one do that? It seems so... uncomfortable. And... won't people think I'm lazy? I mean there are things to be done and people to love. The world needs to be changed by our example not our opinion.
I don't know why but i thought about my trip to Uganda. I wrote about my trip to the refugee camp--> here
I was thinking about it today because while i was on the trip i had really looked forward to going to the refugee camp. Looking back i wonder what the heck I was thinking. What did i think i was going to see? The truth is that I saw so many beautiful children and so many smiles. But it was hard. There was over 100,000 people in that camp. We set the dresses up and then we made bags of maize (corn) for families. We made so many bags, and 1000 kids came through for food. And there I was thinking "we didn't feed 99000, we "only" fed 1000. That's a lot of people but you know what Mother Theresa says... if you can't feed 100 (thousand) than just feed 1 (thousand).
The truth is, my heart broke that day, in a way that I shut it down because I didn't want to feel it. That's the thing about doing... I can keep busy and not have to think. Doing accomplishes things, being does too but there is no checklist. There isn't a measurable. I like data that can be measured. Being means feeling and while sometimes feeling is great, it is also really hard. what could i do with a terribly broken heart? And it's not like i could heal it, it's not like I could magically make enough food for all those people come to fruition and have it last forever. That is just awful. I mean... ever been hungry? I have been, and it's awful. But I believe God uses that pain to change our hearts so we can change the world.
It is time to move from doing to more being. More rest. More feeling.
I think sometimes the only way that healing, the deep healing, the kind I need to move forward, comes from feeling the pain that almost seems too much to bear, and then soon there will be joy. A joy that I can't contain and must be used to love the world.
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