It’s amazing how pride can sneak in… this next lesson is about objects and I
really thought I’d write about some treasures I have. I will say in one breath that “things” don’t
mean much to me or have too much value and in the very next breath I will want
to do some retail therapy.
Today I served at BH and they asked me if I wanted some
pajamas or shirts or… whatever else they had and I said “no that’s ok” but then
they said “gloves” and I’m a sucker for gloves and almost always I can’t find
one (so I always by the same kind so if I am missing one hopefully there is a
match somewhere.
But then someone ratted me out that I didn’t take anything
so I said “fine I’ll look” and there were some cool Cuddledud shirts that are
great for layering especially when I am doing things outside (I think I am going
to try snowshoeing (like the real kind not me walking outside in my
shoes).
I was thinking about some people that I love that could use
some shirts, etc, and I was going to text my friend at BH that it’s hard for me
to accept things and I don’t know why. I
know that there are people who are in real need and me, not so much.
But I couldn’t hit send.
Because what I typed wasn’t entirely true When I said that I didn’t know why.
The truth is I do know why it’s hard for me to accept things
or even help.
Pride.
When I was a kid I really needed things like clothes, my pants were always too short and other kids would say “are you waiting for a flood?” and to this day, I hate short pants. And my shoes had holes in them and I’d wear the soles right off my shoes. Or I had holes in the knees of my pants from falling (I was always falling). And as my friends like to say “it’s a well crafted punch in the gut” when I realized that the reason I don’t like to accept things or help is because I don’t ever want anyone to feel sorry for me. I will however ask for help when I know I can trust someone not to throw it back in my face.
And the stupid thing is if I need something why should I care what someone else thinks if I need something, it’s none of their business, and if they have something I need, wouldn’t I be robbing them of a blessing of the gift of giving if I won’t receive it?
I will tell you, I love my new gloves (both pairs LOL) and
my new shirts (that I am going to wear this weekend serving outside), and I think
I would have been sad later if I said no to these great blessings I was given.
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