I haven’t written in so long. I just haven’t had the words. Which is a bad sign for my heart. In the past, when I have come home from Mission
Trips I have told my friends that if I stop writing on my blog (I used to write
a lot more) that my heart was hurting and they needed to check up on me. And to be honest, I’ve been struggling a lot
lately. So much going on in my heart and
head, but this isn’t really the place to lay it all out there so I’ll keep it
to myself. I had a loss in May and it
took a big tool on me, I never thought it would happen but alas, it did. Things
don’t stay the same. Feel free to contact me if you’d like to know what’s going
on in my life 😊 LOLI was challenged with thinking about being “outside” of the
box. Instantly I thought “this one is
going to be hard, I’m like everyone else, I’m pretty compliant” which thinking
about it now, is so funny. I started
thinking about all the ways I am not compliant, and goodness, apparently, I’m
really an odd duck.
I thought about my career choice. There are only two females on my dad’s side
of the family that aren’t in the medical field (my daughter and I). I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up, but
things change and I found myself with a career in Automotive. Started out ordering supplies and folding
drawings and somehow I ended up here.
It’s been a (mostly) good ride! I
really don’t know how I could ever been a nurse (the focus when I was younger)
my uncle even offered to buy me a car! I
can’t stand blood or guts, or even talking about a procedure, makes me want to
vomit.
I also think it’s perfectly normally to cook large groups of
people food, including the homeless, and maybe that is perfectly normal but I
am starting to think it might not be normal.
Because while the people around me do it, a lot of people don’t (but
really a lot of people do!) I get some kind of crazy joy feeding people! I am actually missing it this week while I am
on vacation!
For a really long time I thought my value was based on what
I did not who I am. I thought people liked me or valued me because of what I
did for them. But really I do what I do because of who I am. I know that God made each one us different,
some talents are similar but each person has had different experiences coupled
with different gifts.
I don’t know how you are feeling today, I was feeling a
little lonely, stressed, overwhelmed. I have been fighting the darkness of
anxiety, but I kept crawling to the light. I tried finding light in daily. I honestly needed a vacation and I really am
going to do better about my boundaries at work.
Limiting my hours and taking more days off. Just closing my computer on Friday and
enjoying each day has been refreshing for me, I also know I needed a bit of a
buffer before I came to the UP. I
couldn’t go to stone cold society detox to the quietness that my soul longed
for, I needed a buffer. I spent each day
being intentional. I spent days with
people I loved doing things I loved.
I hope that you discover the beauty that is within you, I
hope that you are reading this and you think about how loved you are. You will
not be everyone’s cup of tea, but then they can go get a coffee. If you are too much for people, they are not
your people. Go be who you were meant to be, loved.
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