I had a tough day today. I was working through a whole lot of feels that I didn't want to feel. They made me feel weak.
I had this moment today that I said "that's the problem with hope, it always disappoints"
I knew at that point... I better start feeling and processing because that is not me.
one of my favorite scriptures is Romans 5 that tells me that hope does not put me to shame.
I cried more today than I've cried in quite some time. I needed to cry. Maybe I should have cried sooner but I've been so busy, and tired, that I kept it stuffed down.
Today, I finally felt the feelings. and it was like a rush. At one point, I started crying and couldn't stop.
But I felt them, and even talked about them. Look at that... Growth.
It was a beautiful sunny day and I put together the raised garden bed I bought last fall. I went outside and soaked in the sun. I thought about how people who know me know that as long as there is grass... there will always be a space I can plant.
I decided that I am going to plant my cucumbers along the fence, so that I can use my garden beds for something else. something like carrots or beets or tomatoes (ha! like I am not gonna have enough tomatoes! LOL!). I was thinking about more raised beds, it's not actual a question if I will get more... it's more of a question of how many! 😆😂
I was thinking about the seeds I have planted in my life and how just like in a garden, some seeds bloom early and yet, some bloom later. But everything blooms in their own time, just as God intended.
I've been thinking about having dinner parties this summer on my patio. Dishes made with the fruits of my beautiful garden and just love and laughter. Thinking about how it will look. Dreaming about it.
I can't wait to start planning the flowers and... what will be an over abundance of plants... because you know me. And I'm nothing if I am not plant crazy.
I'm thankful I am finding ways to face my feelings but also to find healthy ways to feel better.
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