There is something that i realized the other day, my feelings have been at the surface - even more than usual. And i can barely keep them under control.
When I'm angry, i literally can contain but, thankfully I've held my tongue and havent throat punched anyone... yet.
Something happened on Good Friday . I went home, hurt. The next day i saw the pictures and i was really hurt.
It took me back years -
this is why i don't open my heart
I'm too much
I'm not enough
I'm too old
I'm easily forgotten
I'm....
The truth is it was not about me. Not me. I talked to someone from the group who i love and trust to work through it. Forgiveness is necessary in relationships.
Grieving my dad has left me with a lot of feelings.
It's opened a wound that i think i knew deep down i carried, the loss of my mom at 16 months old.
I've been working and praying through all that.
I've been preparing my backyard for nights of friendship, joy, and laughter and even tears.
Snacks and dinners
I'm working through my feelings and the things that are overwhelming me. Because being overwhelmed intensifies my feelings.
We made big strides at the house the last few weeks.
One of the biggest thing i realized, is that taking care of my dads house has been the best process for us. We took our time. We mostly did it together.
We have kept what we wanted to keep, set aside some things, donated so much, sold a few things, and threw out what couldn't be donated/kept/sold.
We moved the big items this week. It honestly wasn't much. Just a few things.
I'm learning what to keep, what to let go
In things and feelings
It's been a time when I'm able to see how far I've come and I'm still growing
It's hard and beautiful
It's like i say... the hottest summer bring the best tomatoes. They need water and care and pruning.
The hardest times bring the best fruit
Love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness
Self control
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