Pursuing Love

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so blessed...

September 21, 2009

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I can barely stand it...

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The journey of Grief - 1

It's been a long 3 months. Honestly harder than i thought they'd be. As someone who feels but checks boxes (gets things done) to cope (protect myself) nothing prepared me for the loss of my dad even though i had a feeling it was coming soon - But why i realized just 5 minutes ago, I've held my dad dying as a fear as a child. So maybe all this grief has been bottled up for 51 years I started listening to a podcast by Anderson Cooper about grief and Ashley Judd talked about when her mother died she also grieved death from a childhood loss and that hit me. Top all that grief off like a cherry on top of a Sundae, i have a particularly stressful job. It was a recipe for a depressive incident. I knew i wasn't doing well - I stopped wanting to eat. Went through the motions of what I'm called to do (i was really resenting making lunches for the homeless but God didn't say i could stop so i didn't), i didn't particularly like doing Margie Mail. But i tho...

Complaint Department

I hate complaints. Don't they know that I did my best? Don't they know that with each decision that had to be made, I consulted the Big Boss Man. From schedules to snacks, from crafts to music. THere was not one decision I made by myself. it was His project, i just did some leg work. I feel like they think I didn't do a good job, like somehow I failed, and do you know what that means? That means I failed God. When it's all over, I always feel like I am going to miss those kids, the complainers... not so much... Certain people complained because the snacks "weren't challenging". It's a snack for crying out loud, and a juice box. Last year the kids did not get recreation, so we tried to combine it, the best of both worlds, we didn't want them to not have anything to drink for two hours... hello it's summer time, so we did recreation and a quick snack. Yeah, i know who is in charge of snacks next year, "thanks for volunteering...

Miss Shirley

Today I went into the bank. I hate going into the bank. I hate waiting, I hate going out into the cold, and besides, I'm always afraid the bank is going to be robbed. However, today was different. I walked through the metal detector and it allowed me in. I was waiting, I have a limited time to go to the bank due to the fact that I have to go on my lunch hour. (Please note, if you do not work outside the home, please do all of us working outside the home moms/wives a favor and don't shop or bank between 11:30 and 1PM - you're killing me!) So... back to the bank.... Miss Shirley was there. She was taking quite awhile... she was jibber jabbering away... and then it came. Jesus and blessings. For 5 minutes she went on and on about blessings and how God blesses us. Oh, thank you Jesus. I needed to be slowed down. I needed to hear someone PROCLAIM His love! Oh! thank You Jeses for Miss Shirley! She is a blessing to all those who are around her! Matthew 5:14 14"You are the...

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