I've really been struggling lately. Mostly with lonliness.

My issues stem from a lot of variables. Some of them from outside influences, some from internal influences.

I want to be married. But only if the union is what God wants, only if we live as God intends. I want to marry someone who is my friend. I want to marry someone who loves me, who I love, and who my daughter can look up to as someone as a role model of someone she would want to marry. Someday...

I miss my best friend. I do. I miss talking with her, and being myself around her.

Most people think they know me. People know what I let them know, make no mistake about it. Most people have no idea what I go through on a day to day basis. They don't know my struggles, it's because I don't let them. There is always something I hold back. People have hurt me, sometimes I wonder why I stick around and don't just pack up and leave, but truth be told, I love them. God knows how I feel. Only He can see in my heart. Sometimes I really try to cover it up, but He knows. He sends me lifesavers (I prefer pineapple) when He knows I need them.

Psalm 57:1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.

Building 429 No One Else Knows
My world is closing in
On the inside
But I'm not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I'm broken, I'm broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken, Of the broken
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again
I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the emptiness inside my head
I am falling, I am falling, I'm falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying, Lord I am flying
I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can't see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I'll leave it in Your hands
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms,
Ohh You hold me in Your arms,
I know that You'll hold me in Your arms
Again

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