Tuesday, December 12, 2017
So all I could think about was Isaiah 9:6-7
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon[a] his shoulder,
and his name shall be called[b]
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7 Of the increase of his government and of peace
there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this.
So I don't know about you but the holidays seem like a giant S*** storm and so that's what I talked about. I talked about how the most glorious time of the year is sometimes a giant mess.
I talked about how I cried twice on Friday, a melt down on Saturday...
I love this verse, it reminds me of Charlie Brown Christmas.
The sweet voice of Linus.
This verse is stitched in my heart. When I'm crazy, the Wonderful Counselor who listens to my crazy.
Mighty God who can take on anything that the world brings.
Everlasting Father! He is faithful.
Prince of Peace. Sometimes He calms the storm and sometimes He calms His child (me!)
I love this verse. It makes my calm down, He brings me peace.
Yes it's true, I compared Christmas time to a poop storm. Yes I did. I honestly can't wait til it's over when I can just rest and enjoy the rest of winter (remind me I said this when it's June and I'm sick of snow)
I don't think people need another person to pretend that things are perfect, we all know they aren't but thank God we don't have to pretend (or be) perfect, He's got this, and us!
It's a miracle they even let me serve at MBK... I think I'm the poop storm sometimes.
Monday, December 11, 2017
I’m a complete dork.
I fully embrace who i am.
Today i wrote a parents email about our youth Christmas party and i was so excited. No really. I was. When i cook I’ll pray over the kids and their families. When i feed them I’ll be happy about filling their bellies. We are having a white elephant exchange and i got all the gifts and as i shopped i thought of each student, i belly laughed at the thought of the boys getting make up (oh yes i did), i thought about how happy someone will be with the gift cards, footballs, and basketball.
I’m not cool. No kid is ever gonna look at/to me as the cool one. And to be honest I’m ok with that.
When i ask them what they want to be when they grow up (yes i do i told you... not cool) i smile and in my heart i scream “you can do it”
When i talk about Haiti and how i can’t even keep my gray clothes clean and they laugh i smile to myself and think... you’re so funny and you don’t even try.
I got mom genes and Mom jeans 👖.
That’s ok though.
Because no one loves like a momma ❤️
Sunday, December 10, 2017
I’m sorry I’m not sorry.
Our youth group really are so amazing! We went and bowled after church and had lunch 🍕 and they made me laugh and drove me crazy and i love them!
Later we served Family Dinner at the church and to be honest i got to sit with people i love while they rocked it out.
I don’t know how i got so lucky that i get to love them ❤️
P.S. i hate bowling 🎳
Saturday, December 09, 2017
I have been quite the jerk lately.
I don’t feel good
Life just isn’t very merry right now.
I’m trying to be thankful but I’m crying a lot. I mean yesterday i got a instapot from someone who loves me. I’m loved!
That’s the truth. Does it mean God isn’t good? No. He is!
It’s just hard right now. That’s the truth. I hate people who pretend it’s all ok!
Good gravy! I know it’s just a season.
The truth is i like winter, it’s a good excuse to rest.
When I’m feeling down i go grocery shopping! Nothing reminds me of how God loves me and of His provision more than grocery shopping!
Today i got the meal for Christnet on the 28th for $30! And there will be more than enough ❤️.
I got the stuffing and corn (we can argue later if corn is really a veggie) for Mbk next Tuesday. A birthday present, a Christmas present, more food than we need for this week. Two big things of toilet paper.
I’m reminded that i can go grocery shopping ANY time i want and that hasn’t always been the case.
Everything that’s going on, it will pass, maybe like a kidney stone but it will.
I still don’t feel good but I’ll make it. Because I’m a survivor and i can do it with a smile because I’m loved ❤️
Friday, December 08, 2017
Not often do i talk about my work or politics on my blog. Mostly because people are always on the offensive.
This past week was one for the books and I’d like to share my heart a little.
I spent a few days in Juarez Mexico and I’m not sure how much you know about Juarez but it’s a pretty dangerous place. I’ve known people car jacked there, kidnapped.... it’s scary. Rarely do i stay in Juarez past sunset. (This week i has my first and last exception). Going there makes my heart ache. Unless you’ve been to a developing country i can’t explain to you the poverty. And what’s very sad to me is it’s just over the border from the United States. The smog is terrible and anyone who thinks the air clears up at it’s US bordering is only kidding themselves. The people are poor but they are kind and they share what they have. And... you can’t flush toilet paper so you can imagine what the bathrooms smell like every where you go 😷
This time when i went, 10 minutes before we left, 6 people were shot and killed. Less than one block from where i was. You can only imagine my horror. Not only for those poor people and their families. But for myself. “Get me the heck out of HERE” which wasn’t easy because the traffic is crazy and roads were shut down. I said “take me back to Detroit where it’s safe” (which is arrogant, i know )
I don’t know why but i thought about “the wall” and how arrogant those who think we need a wall are. If i lived there I’d do anything to move to the USA. Who am i that i was blessed to be born here from my family to live where i do? Only by the grace of God. That grace is not lost on me.
All this political stuff, politicians taking our money with the premise they are making America great again? It makes me nuts. They are stealing from the poor to make the rich richer. Wanting to build walls to keep people out. That’s horrible. You know what i think is the best policy when you have so much and people need help? Build a bigger table and invite people to join you.
That’s the answer.
Love your neighbor.
But who’s your neighbor? Is it the person in the House next to you? Well do you love them like Christ called you to?
Or is it people in Ohio? They are our neighboring state? Maybe as long as they dont like OSU (im kidding people, i can’t be serious for too long)
Maybe it is Mexico (or Canada)
Only you and your heart can determine that.
While I was in Juarez and scared i thought of the mommas and the families who live in a place that seems scarier than Detroit. And Detroit ain’t no joke. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in some terrible situations in Detroit, and maybe I’m desensitized to it, but it was worse there. I was safe in a car with a driver and people praying for me.
I’ve been dreaming about what’s next. What does God want me to do NEXT. One thing i know is that God is asking me to change the world. The square feet around my feet. What exactly that means I’m still not sure so illl keep dreaming.
If i learned anything from this lesson, i learned to be thankful, i learned to be empathetic, it was reinforced that love is the answer, and it starts with me.
Today. Right now.
Sunday, December 03, 2017
I can over think anything!
I’m on a plane watching Wonder Woman and I’m thinking about how in the beginning the auntie tells Diana that she doesn’t know her own strength. She tells her to never under estimate opponent.
I thought about how easy it would be for her to not get up every.time she got knocked to the ground. How each time she went into battle she became stronger and she needed every battle to become stronger and stronger to learn from the last.
I thought about all the women I admire and inspire me. Those who have had the world against them, they’ve been knocked down and each time they’ve gotten up. Stronger each time!
I’ve come up against some junk lately and also I’ve been thinking about what’s next and dreaming dreams. Every dream I have revolves around loving others.
As Wonder Woman ended she said “I believe in love “ and if i was by myself (not on a plane) i would have yelled “yes! Me too!”
It’s no surprise to me as i am dreaming about changing the world, I’ve been distracted but make no mistake, not one minute did I think God left me or wouldn’t go to batttle for me
I kept thinking of Exodus 14:14
“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be still."”
it’s not easy for me to be still, I’m a scrapper. I’ll fight for injustice and don’t even think of backing me in a corner, sometimes I just want to fight to fight (it’s a horrible quality).
But I’m focusing on what I need to focus on and what’s next! And it’s to fight for injustice
Just like she says at the end of the movie...
“Only love can truly save the world”
Here I come!
Love wins every time!
Friday, December 01, 2017
This morning i was thinking about trust. Why it’s so hard for me to open my heart sometimes and trust people and to be honest sometimes, God.
In recent light of so many cases of sexual harrassment and thinking of things that have happened to me and why women don’t come forward, it might be about trust. From my own experiences, the reason i didn’t come forward is because I’m not sure I trusted those in charge to really remedy the situation without retaliation from the offender. I don’t know if i trust/trusted that I won’t be the one who carries the shame and I’m at a point in my life where i can’t and won’t carry someone else’s shame as if it’s my own. And so I close down, I hold it in, I get stomach aches but that, at least in my mind, seems better than public shame. But i think I’m still carrying it, just differently. And that’s awful to think that way. Almost like I’m betraying myself. I can imagine that for years so many people have felt that way. So I don’t wonder why after a few women (and/or men) come forward, after a few are brave enough to come forward, more do, because it’s easier to stand with others.
So take that and my lack of trust, it makes it hard to open my heart to others because sometimes I need to see first that I can trust them. I guess somewhere in my mind and heart I do my best to protect myself by building walls (with doors) so that I can choose who comes in and who doesn’t because those walls give me time to figure out if I can trust them.
But that’s not ok for me the more I think of it. I can’t live with heart wide open and walls built up. It’s just not possible. As my promise and goal to myself to become strong, I’m realizing that I must TRUST not with reckless abandon but with wisdom and discernment because I can’t truly love with a wall between me and the people I’m trying to love.
Well... that’s the crazy thoughts rolling around in my head at 4am. I’m sure there is more to come....
I’m healing from the inside out