growing

All the fruit fell off my tree yesterday, I left it at Borden Park. Yikes. I did not like who I was for a minute there. But it was a great day until that happened! I was blessed that I could help at the concession stand, it was in the perfect spot that I could watch the games and serve food!

Sometimes I wish I felt more 'found'. I know who I belong to, I know that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I get that I don't deserve it. I just wish that I would have grown up feeling a little more special, so that now, I would feel special. A lot of times, I just don't feel like I matter. I'm not saying this because I want a ton of emails or comments saying that I am, I'm just being honest, this is about my journey and that's how I feel.

And I guess it all came to a head yesterday when there was something I REALLY wanted to do, and I honestly I hardly ever say "I really want to do that" and it just didn't work out. It was really anyone's fault, it just didn't happen. And then the argument and then I just thought "I could just give up" not that I would but I felt for a moment that I could. The world would just keep turning long after I'm gone. But I remembered that I'm here for a purpose, and that God has great plans for me, so I should stop feeling sorry for myself, and focus on God and not me. SO I've got to collect my 'fruit' and keep going.

So, I'm striving to be more like Jesus, a little more everyday.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”- Isaiah 41:10

Thinking... about love

I've been thinking... that's always dangerous.

I was thinking about how good God is, not so much in what He does, but who He is. How when we live for Him and do as He instructs how much easier our life is.

Sometimes I think about our struggles and how we don't see the forest for the trees. I was talking to someone who struggles with alcohol addiction. She was saying how she sees people leaving a bar and how she thinks "the next day you're going to have a hang over".

I was thinking about some of the things I struggle with. That in a moment I could have happiness or just a little fun and probably no one would know, except me and God. And how that would leave me empty, struggling even more.

But when I think about just 'moment' of fun that will lead to destruction, I think about that emptiness and how long it takes to climb out of that pit, but when I cling to Jesus, that moment of struggle passes, leaving with fullness of God and His promises.

It says in Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. I see God in so much now. I see Him on softball fields, in serving, in sunsets, in provision, in children, even in grocery store cashiers. I think about how blessed I am, how blessed I am that He would want to have a relationship with me, how He would pursue me. And it seems the more I pursue Him, the more it seems He loves me.

1 John 4:9-17 7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son[b] into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for[c] our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
13We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
19We love because he first loved us. 20If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. 21And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

YO!

I feel like a yo-yo. Someone keeps yanking me around and it's starting to get on my nerves!

Yikes!

REJOICE!!!

I'm so excited! And I'm going to miss her!! You know I've already cried a ton!!

She's also going to be excited because a good friend of mine sent her a check, so she'll have extra spending money! Thanks you-know-who-you-are!

I think about this trip and how BIG God is and how He is going to change her life and her heart even more!! I think about how God used so many people from donations to buying candy bars to the Prom Fashion Show! WOW! It makes my heart overflow!

I laughed because I got my first zucchini this morning! And I said "that's a good sign'!

It's a great day! It's a great day to rejoice in the Lord! and I will! He has blessed me so!!

Psalm 32:11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Prayer: July 15 Safe flight, smooth sailing through customs

Lord, I thank you for this day! Lord I ask that everything go smoothly today on the flight, that no one be sick that you hold up the plane as it flies from Detroit to Houston and Houston to Colombia. Lord, I ask that nothing stop them to spread Your Word, Lord. I ask that you keep everyone rested, Lord, most importantly that they rest in You. Lord give Adam and Katie super strength and wisdom, love and compassion as they watch over your flock. Lord, I ask that this be an incredible bonding in you and to others. Lord, prepare the hearts of those who are going to hear your word, from children to adults, let them hear that you are a God of Love and Compassion not a God of rules. Let them hear that in You Lord we have true freedom. Lord, I thank you for this incredible opportunity to serve you. Lord, I love you. In Jesus's loving name, I pray! AMEN!

Here's the song they are doing a dance to!

My baby leaves for Colombia tomorrow! It's actually hard to imagine how life is going to be without her home. Yikes, I love that girl!!

She's pretty amazing, and has never really belonged to me, I think the sooner you realize this about your kids, the better, she's a gift from God. A lot of people can't believe I'm letting her go. She wasn't mine to keep, and that's the truth.

I love...

...That she loves Jesus!

...That she lives for Him!

...That she's not afraid to be who she is!

...That she's not afraid

...That she's silly

...her smile

...her laugh

...when she wrinkles her nose

...how she eats her Panera

...that she's so creative

...that she works hard

...that she's gonna miss her mommy :)

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10: 14-15

Like I needed another one...

I have ANOTHER blog.

I feel like everyday God is working in me through the Detroit Mission Trip and so I've decided to share my heart along this journey.

http://thereputationofthiscitystartswithme.blogspot.com/

Not focusing but clearly focused

I have had hives on my eyelids since I came home, well, I think they really got bad on Tuesday afternoon, and got better starting last night.


I had them because of stress, I've gotten them before, usually on my neck, once spread all the way onto my face, oui, that was horrible.


The house has been looking like Hurricane Phyllis/Margie made it's way from Austria to Michigan, stuff everywhere, so I got that all cleaned up, laundry, and a beautiful wedding! Then Walmart to get the last of the Colombia trip needs and the lastly a trip to Meijer to get water that's on sale for $2.49 a case (which is a great deal!! $1 cheaper per case than I can usually find it! It's important to save money even one dollar at a time - especially when we need 15 cases! That's $15!!)

I have to tell you that i think my hives went away because I stopped focusing on myself and all the stress I have but the great responsibilities that God has blessed me with. I need to stop focusing on myself but focus on Him, and those around me.

Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.