I’ve been working on some hard stuff lately and I’m hard stuff comes a sense of vulnerability. The truth is there are a lot of walls up, my life is like a fortress and you may think you’ve entered but there are so
Many walls up you’d and they are beautifully painted and decorated with a big smile that you may never know there are so many more to go through. It’s years and years and years of disappointment one after another. Just when i start to trust there was betrayal. It makes it hard.
At a young age i learned to be a fixer. Maybe it was years of people feeling sorry for me because i had no mother that i learned to do things for people so that they wouldn’t notice. I’m thankful that God gave me a heart that likes to give and that can be kind but it ended up being a protection for me.
But the truth is i don’t always want to be that. Sometimes i want to be vulnerable and i need to need other people. I need to be able to say “I’m scared, help me, hold my hand and walk through this with me”.
I need someone to share my story with me.
I’ve been dying to go to Haiti. I’ve had fights with God about going. There is something about Haiti ❤️! You know what’s true about Haiti? I live heart wide open, totally vulnerable there. I need someone to speak (translate) for me, make my food, make sure i have water, get me around, make sure I’m safe. And i have to live with my heart wide open when I’m there and love fierce.
I long to be vulnerable, i Long to trust someone enough to open my heart to full healing.
Everyday is a new day, and each day i brick comes down off of one of the walls I’ve built.
The very thing that I’ve built to keep others out, keeps me locked inside.