Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Thursday, June 14, 2018

You’ll never know unless you try

I started putting our gazebo together this evening after getting the little pool set up! 

It was a beautiful night to be outside. I got 3/4 of the outside frame together, i read the directions and everything!

So i was out there praying (chatting with God) about a lot of stuff. I was thinking about how most of my life i didn’t put things together or do projects because people told me i couldn’t and when i tried they laughed at me. I laughed too
Because i thought it would hurt my feelings less.

I’ve never been good at that stuff because i don’t like it and i don’t like it because no one ever showed me how to be successful at it. Who wants to do things you suck at?!?

I think the older i get the more relaxed i am and i don’t care if i make a mistake because I’ll learn from it. 

I was thinking about my friend drew who teaches his girls how to do everything that would be considered “mans work” and their momma Amanda teaches them things that would be considered “women’s work” and how well rounded they are. There’s no stereotypes in that household. Heroes i tell ya!

I was thinking of oscar and Michelle’s sweet Charlie and how i was going to ask Oscar to promise me he’d teach her how to use power tools. And how I’d bring Dallas and Memphis over and teach them to make jam or cupcakes or something ❤️ (of course Charlie can come too).

I think the key to success is learning what you love (and what you don’t). You’ll never know unless you try ❤️

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

He uses it all

Carrying for a parent is hard. It just is. 

Being a care giver in general whether parent, child, husband, friend... you get my point this difficult. 

You make the best decisions you can at any given time with the information or lack thereof. There isn’t always root cause analysis or fish bone diagraming that can be done to say if i do this then this will be the result and if i do that then that will be the result.

It’s hard people. 

When people ask what they can do always the answer is pray. Almost always the answer is nothing. Working long days is hard then doing whatever needs to be done... 

Memories of good and bad have swept over me. Sometimes (i don’t even know how) i turn off my feelings so i don’t cry allllllll day. 

Today was an especially hard emotional day. Dealing with things i don’t want to deal with, hearing things that are hard to hear. It blows. 

I was leaving my friends a message and i said all of it, God uses it all. 

And then “So will i” popped up on Spotify, and i cried as i sang the whole song.

I know that my life hasn’t always been easy but it hasn’t all sucked either, and God continues to use me and grow me. 

He sends me friends who pray and love me. 

And so... so will I

And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Seasons change... eventually... i hope

It’s been a hard season. I’m waiting for Expose to walk in singing “seasons change” and hoping for the next one. 

But i know the next one will be no easier than this one, each one comes with its own growth. And growth is hard y’all. 

When life is hard, i want to isolate. I want to just be by myself because “Life has taught me that i can only count in myself” but that is a lie.

More and more i realize the need for community. I need to laugh, to cry, to talk, to listen, for no words at all.

Life is not meant to be lived in a bubble by myself. And I’m coming to realize and live that truth. 

I’ve been afraid to let myself cry. For fear of not stopping. Who wants to go around looking like a hot mess. But it started Friday, on the way to the movies. And then it happened yesterday, and then it happened today, in church.

In church i was sitting by myself, crying during the first worship. Next usually comes greeting and i was really hoping to see someone i knew so i could hug them. You know the kind of real hugs you just sometimes need. Then Patrick announced no greetings today. My heart kind of dropped. And then it happened. One of my people came to sit by me. And i hugged her. Hard. How thankful i was for her. For community. For God. 

I’m thankful for friends who love me. Who pray, plan time together, movies. Life is a little nuts right now, so please be patient while i get through this season ❤️

Wednesday, June 06, 2018


Last week I had dinner with my friend today and we talked about how some days we just trudge through life and we are trying to survive.

I’d like to share something with you (and some of this may be tmi for you so this is your warning - click x now or forever hold your peace)

It’s been a journey of about eight months. I’d like to mention that without my daughter I’d honestly probably be dead right now. Not exaggerating. Muerto 

Last September my dad went into the hospital for one month. That’s a long time. I went to stay with him for two weeks after that. It was tiring to say the least. 

Two weeks after that i had the worst period of my life... of 70 days i didn’t bleed like 5. That’s a long ass period I’ll tell you. I can’t begin to tell you how ugly and gross i felt. I knew why the woman fought a crowd in the Bible after 12 years of having her period in search of healing. I ended up having a polyp and I had a procedure that was supposed to help. It did for like 3 weeks and then it all started up again. I thought in my head I’m gonna get a spoon and dig out my uterus. I told you people - turn back now.

You know i don’t have a momma so who am i supposed to ask about this because as women we just don’t talk about this stuff until we’re dying of cancer. We can google ourselves dead, i tell you.   But i have some great friends and they pulled me off the ledge more than once.

So... another 2 month period and i had another procedure - so far so good it’s been a month.

The stress at my job from November to April (when i was able to hire someone who does a great job and no attitude) was killer.

I started to workout and i was starting to just maybe come out of a six month mess and then... my dad went back into the hospital. And has been there or rehab ever since.

I literally was so tired I’d wake up i the morning and seriously need a nap by 9:30am!

I got my blood work done and found out that my iron was about half of the low end of the range. So i started taking iron supplements. After a week i wondered if something was going to happen and then it happened! I started to feel good. It wasn’t gradual... it was like one day i had so much energy! I played in the dirt (planted veggies) and cleaned out the garage, the next day got the gazebo
Ready to be put together and took out the garbage (there were two storm doors, garbage, yard waste, it was a lot! Today after working all day, visiting my dad i cut back three bushes to get them ready for removal, cleaned it all up (7 yard waste bags) and I’ll sit down to check my email. 

It feels good to feel good i tell ya’! 

Take good care of yourself! If you don’t feel good, try to get to the doctor, talk to
Your friends, it might be a season but maybe your body needs something (like i needed iron)

But don’t quit! Keep going! When you feel like a turtle trudging through peanut butter, get some jelly and keep going! There is healing!!!! And maybe a nap!

Tuesday, June 05, 2018

Let them eat cake!

So I’ve been thinking about the whole “cake” thing and i saw so many Christians celebrating on the news (and in my news feed).

I really struggle with this. 

Mostly because as i read and understand the Bible i only see that no matter how much i love completing tasks, i just feel over and over that i only have two things i need to do. 

Love God 
Love people 

So when I’m inconvenienced or i have to do extra, i try to remember (i often forget) to ask if my reaction will reflect those two things. 

So i started to think of all the sins I’ve committed or continue to commit which ones are those people in my news feed would say “i can’t loveyou anymore because of __________” 

And in reverse which sins of my friends would i say “i can’t look past _______sin so sorry.... no cake for you” 

And i hope both of those answers can’t be filled in.

Because friends, i don’t write my sins on a T-shirt and wear them around but that doesn’t mean i don’t commit any.  I’m good at hiding them, or continuing to ask God to forgive me, BUT THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM. Some big ones.

At communion my friend Adam said “I’m never good enough on my best day and I’m not bad enough on my worst day”. 

I need Jesus every single day. I can’t ever be good enough and there isn’t a sin that i could commit that Jesus won’t save me from. 

I’m challenging myself to love people. Not through my eyes but through the eyes of God.

Just love people Margie.... if you get everything else wrong, so what. Love is what matters, above all else. 

Saturday, June 02, 2018

Joy in NOT traveling

Ive had planned that I was going to Philly and Maryland and Delaware this weekend.  Ive wanted to go to Philly since I saw… Creed.  Don’t judge me.

I booked my ticket ($56) not even knowing if I was going to be able to go with all that is going on with my dad.  To be honest, I need to get away.  So…  I booked it.  I get a little crazy if I’m not trippy.

I started watching the weather and it looked like A.LOT.OF.RAIN.  I decided that I would forego my trip, forfeit my $56 but not spend $500 between hotel and car (that doesn’t include starbucks cups and food. 

I did my normal every other week gig and spent time with Jenny while she did my nails and we drank tea together. 

I had to run to Kroger to get chicken for serving at Roosevelt Park and I needed some kool aid (juice). 

It was kind of a stressful morning trying to get the food prepared and I wasn’t feeling much joy about serving (which is very unlike me) so I left to head to the train station and I was supposed to pick up Ernie but I was running out of time so I called Ernie and said “sorry man, can’t come get you” and I felt like a jerk.  Somehow (it only takes 20 minutes to get there) I made up 5 minutes so I was able to call him back.  Let me tell you, by “somehow” I mean I was driving like a bat out of hell.  I did pray on my way “God, you’ve had this day planned, please give me joy”.  That’s it. Turned on Stevie Wonder’s “as” and drove (crazy)

I picked up Ernie and we chatted (really I rambled on) we got there and I started to feel “at ease”. This is not a regular gig for me (only 4-5 times a year) so I always want to make sure I follow their ministry guidelines.  I rolled plasticware, chatted, met Claude and had a good day.  Mostly everyone else did the work (HA!) my back was hurting a little and I was trying not to push it.

So…  here’s where God really showed up for me. Ernie used to sleep in Roosevelt Park. Karen (it’s her ministry) fed him and loved him.  He looked over at me and asked if I thought she’d remember him.  I said “I don’t know” I had no idea. Outside of kids in my ministry, I only sometimes remember those I serve (what an A-hole I am – I KNOW – makes me want to barf thinking about it).  So he asked her.

I wish I had my phone and I could have recorded it.  It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in my life.  He smiled. She smiled.  She looked at him, really really looked at him, through the eyes of love, and I watched her face light up, she said yes.  Let me tell you. 

If I can be like anyone when I grow up.  I want to be like Karen.  She doesn’t just say that people matter to her, she means it. She LIVES it.   They talked for awhile and I was just watched them. It was the most beautiful thing. They talked about the old days and she beemed with how proud she was of him that he serves at MBK. And he did too. He’s come a long way from sleeping in the tent at Roosevelt Park. 

Ernie is my friend, and I am so thankful for him.  I’m so thankful for God for joining our hearts in serving the ones that the world forgets.   I’m so proud to be his friend. Ernie is also the only person I know brave enough to point out any mistakes I make when cooking (he's lucky I love him)

As hard as this season is, and as much as I wanted to get away, I am so thankful that God let me choose to stay here to find joy in the tough days.  He gave me the most beautiful view of what my heart could be, if I open it. 

I want to be Karen when I grow up.  I want to look at people, and know them, and love them.  Really know them and love them, not just feed them a couple times a month. 

I want to live heart wide open. 

That’s what I want to be when I grow up.

1 John 3:18-24 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.
19 By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; 20 for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; 22 and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. 23 And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. 24 Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God,[a] and God[b] in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us.

Sunday, May 27, 2018


I’ve got a big personality. And i can sometimes feel so small in a room i feel like no one sees me.

When threatened i can “hulk” up and be so big it frightens... me

I’ve learned to “put it away” when threatened and when dealing with someone who did it to me, that’s exactly what i told her “Put it away”. I wasn’t threatened by her nor was she goign to try to intimidate me. No thank you.

I’ve learned that in order to be really heard, to have my heart heard, i whisper. Ever notice that a lot more people listen intently when you whisper than when you shout.

I discovered quite a few years ago when someone was shouting to get their point across that just because someone is loud that doesn’t make them a leader.  

Some of the best things are said with our hearts with no words at all.