Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Friday, May 27, 2016

Lessons in gardening

I was serving with some friends/family/students at the garden today. 

I remember the thought of doing a garden last year. I mean why would God call me to do such a thing?

The truth is that if you know me, I'll do enough research to be successful but an expert I won't be. Lol

When it got closer and closer to the garden building day I started to get really nervous, I had sold tshirts and I didn't want to let anyone down. 

then it was like God spoke to my heart and said "I made vegetables long before you ever came around".

That might sound crazy to you, but it was really humbling. 

Then we planned out the boxes (I never do anything by myself because let's face it, we never really do), I
Ordered dirt, And 10 yards of dirt showed up. Do you know how much dirt that is? A crap load. I might have said "$h1+, that's a lot of dirt". A bunch of teens from the church that we built the garden showed up, and lots of others. Then friends showed up to plant, and people watered, it grew veggies, and before you know it, it's the next year, and the boxes were full of weeds, and they were ready for clean out. 


And again, I stood with friends, and we pulled, and cleaned and planted.


I learned so many lessons working in and on the garden, friendships grew, my life was filled with love.



And I stood there and thought I am the one God loves, that He chooses me to do these things, and I feel like it's such a privilege to follow Him even when I'm clueless, but I really do think that God honors us in our willingness to serve Him.

Sometimes the chaos in our lives is insane, but no matter what, we move forward on the path He has for us. 

It's ready to see what God will grow this year!


Thursday, May 26, 2016

Ramblings of my heart

I was praying for some leaders I know and I was thinking about how God uses there gifts like passion, and willingness to serve to further His kingdom 

I was thinking about myself and praying that I be teachable in the moments that my own passion gets a "little out of control". That my best things that God has given me produce the best fruit but that I don't over due it and rot my own fruit.

That just when the fruit is ready, that it's given away as a precious gift to someone who has a heart that aches or a belly that's empty. 

I'm so very thankful that God never gives up on any of us, that in every moment, we take our passion and we use it and when we over due it a little He pulls us back, like a loving Father, teaches us, and let's us fly.

I'm thinking about all the things I'm afraid of. And I think about all the things I've been afraid of, but I try to move forward, using the lessons I've learned before, and the "failures" and I go forward do better and be better than I was just yesterday or last week or last year.

Today, God reminded me, be teachable, listen for His voice 

Because even if I fail, as my friend posted the other day, failure is a moment not a person.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Restoring my joy

Today I sang these words and probably they hit me today...

Lord, restore the joy I had
I have wandered, bring me back
In this darkness, lead me through
Until all I see is You


I headed to church for 5:30 service... Then as i pulled off the freeway at 5:06 I realized SERVICE IS AT 5!!! What the heck you big dummy! As I found my parking spot in the back and walked in, I just breathed in "please I need to hear from You today".

Need to. 

Not want to.

Need to.

I prayed before the rest of the songs were song and took a deep breath. I breathed Him in. Like I haven't in a long time. I pray, I worship in my car, but that connection today just like I knew my heart needed. 

I have a lot going on in my life. Lots of decisions to make. Things to take care of. In times like this when lots of things going on I tend to close up and that's not always the answer but it is my first defense to take care of myself.  It is my hope that after tonight my heart remains wide open to whatever God has for me, that I don't set up my own protections, but that I trust God to protect me and that I just love, wherever He calls me to go.

I hope that God restores the joy that I held back, that I don't just serve and love out of obedience but as a connection to God filled with joy.

Set my soul on fire, Lord, set my heart ablaze for You!

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Good days

A couple days ago I realized that for weeks I've been feeling like a turtle trudging through peanut butter. I think that in the midst of all that I didn't get it. I knew that I didn't feel right and felt a little off, but once I really thought about it and figured out how I felt it was easier to just keep going. Moving forward in the path set before me, even if I'm moving slowly is better than not moving at all or moving backwards. 

Today I took a half day off. I had lots to do and needed to meet with some people. Because of my "open" day I was able to go hang out with some of my favorite first graders and decorate t-shirts with them. 

As I was driving to meet my girlfriend for a last minute planned dinner after doing all the things I needed to do I thought about how absolutely blessed I am to be surrounded by the people in my life.

Take my t-shirt people for instance. If every business I worked with was like them, I think I'd be forever greatful. Not only do they take some weird design I have in my head (sometimes I have no design in my head) and make it a reality and help me raise money for whatever crazy project is going on, they are kind and generous, and maybe just the greatest people in the planet (feel free to visit them at www.letloverule.com)

In all the normal crazy in my life, our family decided to move. Now, it's been a seriess of ups and downs and if we are being honest, mostly downs, but when the ups are good they are really good. One thing that has remained constant and always good was out real estate agent. And let me tell you, I've had some crazy moments. But there is NO ONE is rather do this with than him. (http://www.praagent.com) contact Randy 

I have my friends who encourage me, challenge me, listen, give advice, laugh... I'm the luckiest. I'm so thankful that it can be an impromptu dinner or long standing plans of the 5th Saturday. I'm thankful that so many friends love and support me and I get to do that for them! 

I think being on the wrong side of crazy (is there a right side of crazy?!?) I think I realized how unbelievably blessed I am! 

I know that my life isn't perfect, and I'm a complete nut case sometimes but I really am so very thankful for great leaders I my life, but more importantly great love in my life.

All the paths of a great life was walked with great love by our side.


Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Playlist of my life


I don’t know what it is lately but more and more I realize the role that music plays in my life.  It’s a constant in the craziest of a life I’ve lived.  Music reminds me of people, places, and the way I’ve felt in the happiest and the saddest times in my life.   

Today I turned on the Love channel that is pre-programmed on my Favorites from Sirius. Often I wonder why I have that station pre-programmed because most of the time the songs are not my taste but once in awhile I hear a great one.  This morning Lionel Richie was on.  I smiled and thought “when I start my day with Lionel Richie, I know it’s gonna be a good day”

I actually just made a new playlist for one of my music accounts.  It’s a lot of reminiscing mostly because, God willing, we are moving to Dearborn.  I feel like I’m going home, and I am so happy.  Dreams do come true, ones you dream when you are 16 years old and you get ripped from a life that you knew and put into a place where time had seemed to have forgotten.  It was a part in my journey that had to happen, because such is life, but I’m happy to go ‘home’.

I think about the songs that are in the playlists of my life. 

As by Stevie Wonder, it is a song that has played my entire life.  I really do believe you may be holding out greatness from your children if they don’t know who Stevie Wonder is.  I just sent two of the people I love tons and tons the “Songs in the Key of Life” record (yes real vinyl) to dance to and play for their children that will one day come.



I can’t hear the song Ribbon in the Sky without thinking of Chandler, Jason, Penel, Jennifer, Natalie, Nyki, David, Maurice, and Maria.  When I hear just those intro notes, I remember a great time in my life.



Or how about the song that I never liked until a sweet young man would ride up on his Raz and sing it to me… With or Without You by U2.  Seriously I hated that song, but but now it brings back the best of memories.



The song I once knew that was song by one of my daughters sweet friends, and my Pean said “mom this song reminds me of you” https://youtu.be/tfVFvCGVmus  I might have cried the first 30 times I heard it (but we don’t eat ketchup with eggs – GROSS!)



There are so many songs I could mention… my latest play list is one made up of memories…  and dreams…  I have a million playlists for different times in my life.  Usually the current one I listen to gets lots of songs added J until it’s time to start a new one.

 

Better – Regina Spector
Touch the Sky – United
Come Thou Fount – Kings Kaleidoscope
You’ll come – Hillsong Live
Indescribable  - Chris Tomlin
The Stand – Hillsong United
Hold Us together – Matt Maher
No Greater Love – Smokie Norful
In Christ Alone - Kings Kaleidoscope
Everlasting God – Fellowship Church
After All – David Crowder
Sometimes – David Crowder
Thinking Outloud – Ed Sheeran
You are the best thing – Ray LaMondage
No Place I’d rather be – Cassa Lio
Addictive Love – BeBe & CeCe WInans
Love Said Not so - BeBe & CeCe WInans
You make me brave – Jon Whaley
Great and mighty– Jon Whaley
All I want– Jon Whaley
My Cornerstone– Jon Whaley
Stand in Wonder– Jon Whaley
I am amazed– Jon Whaley
I come Alive – Jon Whaley
As – Stevie Wonder
You are the Sunshine of my life– Stevie Wonder
Isn’t she lovely– Stevie Wonder
Don’t worry about a thing (which is also my ringtone LOL) – Stevie Wonder
I wish– Stevie Wonder
Don’t Disturb this Groove – The System
I will Trust – Fred Hammond
Imagine Me- Kirk Franklin
New York State of Mind – Billy Joel
She’s got a way– Billy Joel
Sailing – N`Sync
Seasons of Love – Rent Soundtrack
You & Me – Dave Matthews
September – Earth Wind and Fire
Boogie Wonderland – Earth Wind and Fire
Solo Cristo – Hillsong
Celebrate me home – Kenny Loggins
Brother - NEEDTOBREATHE
Something to believe in- NEEDTOBREATHE
Washed by the Water- NEEDTOBREATHE
The outsiders- NEEDTOBREATHE
Shine On- NEEDTOBREATHE
Able- NEEDTOBREATHE
Let us Love- NEEDTOBREATHE
Empire State of Mind - Alicia Keys
With or without you – U2
Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
Soar - - Christina Aguilera
Sail On – Lionel Richie
Easy – Lionel Richie
Still – Lionel Richie
It is Well – Bethel Music

Tuesday, May 03, 2016

Don't quit

I I will admit that life isn't always easy and a lot of times I just keep going because, well, I don't want someone to say "I knew she couldn't do it".

Sunday night after serving lunch to my church and my community and I literally laid in bed and my legs hurt so bad I couldn't fall asleep (if you know anything about me, I'm usually asleep before my head hits the pillow). I think it was a combination of a lot of walking and not enough water, and a build up of toxins. I seem to be better now. I thought "I wonder if that was all worth THIS" because I was in some big pain. But I know this is what I'm called to do. Feed people.

Then yesterday I got an email about my shirts that I sold to raise money for the soccer field. It was a very low number... Less than 5.  I was a little shocked and very sad. Thankfully I didn't cry. I wondered how this money was just gonna come! We need a lot of money, even with all the free stuff I've arranged that has been volunteered!

House hunting is beginning to get the best of me. I'm tired and sick of looking at crappy flips that if someone spent $500 more it could have really increased their value. I want to give up but I know I can't. I will find the right house at the right time. It's just grueling.

I know that things worth having are worth fighting for. I'm reminded of a conversation with my friend Amanda that it's important not to steal our kids struggles because in small struggles you learn how to endure and keep going. And I've learned how to persevere. I know it builds character and who doesn't need character building? I mean maybe it's just me.

I'm also reminded of a poem I've known for as along as I can remember, I actually recite it to myself often...

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is strange with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns
And many a failure comes about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell just how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit"

Author unknown

I have lots going for me these days. I could list lots of things and I try to remain positive!!! I've got a beautiful daughter and a cute house, great friends, the sweetest dog, a great job, a nice car, a God who loves me (and even stretches me), a nice church where the Word is taught. Life is good and I won't give up! 

There are people to feed, people who need love, soccer fields that need to be built, children who need love and affection and need to be safe. There is someone who needs a pb&j!! My job ain't over til He say it's over... 

Friday, April 22, 2016

Hope deferred

I'm not a dreamer for myself. I live my life and do what God calls me to do. I plant gardens and help make soccer fields happen. I see other people dream, and I help them.

But I dreamt. I dreamt of this beautiful house with lots of character. I dreamt of being that neighbor on the block that the kids knew I'd help them with their homework and listen and love them. 

I dreamt it being in Detroit tucked away in a sweet neihhborhood.

And then it felt like it all got snatched away. And even though I know God has a plan, I know His way is good, I know... I'm still disappointed and can't help but feel like maybe I should just do what God has created me to do, just serve other people and make their dreams and visions come true.

That's not over dramatic it just feels dumb to dream dreams that probably won't happen.

Oh I don't know.

I'm sad. 

I'm disappointed.

It's gonna be ok but I really was happy about this all happening.

Back to the drawing board I guess 
 Proverbs 13:12 "hope deferred makes the heart sick." 

I still trust though