Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Being vulnerable

I’ve been working on some hard stuff lately and I’m hard stuff comes a sense of vulnerability. The truth is there are a lot of walls up, my life is like a fortress and you may think you’ve entered but there are so
Many walls up you’d and they are beautifully painted and decorated with a big smile that you may never know there are so many more to go through. It’s years and years and years of disappointment one after another. Just when i start to trust there was betrayal. It makes it hard.

At a young age i learned to be a fixer. Maybe it was years of people feeling sorry for me because i had no mother that i learned to do things for people so that they wouldn’t notice. I’m thankful that God gave me a heart that likes to give and that can be kind but it ended up being a protection for me.

But the truth is i don’t always want to be that. Sometimes i want to be vulnerable and i need to need other people. I need to be able to say “I’m scared, help me, hold my hand and walk through this with me”.
I need someone to share my story with me.

I’ve been dying to go to Haiti. I’ve had fights with God about going. There is something about Haiti ❤️! You know what’s true about Haiti? I live heart wide open, totally vulnerable there. I need someone to speak (translate) for me, make my food, make sure i have water, get me around, make sure I’m safe. And i have to live with my heart wide open when I’m there and love fierce.

I long to be vulnerable, i Long to trust someone enough to open my heart to  full healing. 

Everyday is a new day, and each day i brick comes down off of one of the walls I’ve built.

The very thing that I’ve built to keep others out, keeps me locked inside. 

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Song on repeat... P!nk - Glitter In The Air

I love this song.  Love it. I don't know what it is about this song.  It's slow and raw and makes me want to be brave. 

It makes me want to just be brave and love without abandon. Makes me want to do all the hard things.

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care."?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning and the breath before the phrase
"Have you ever felt this way?"

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the flames
"Have you ever felt this way?"

La la la la la la la la

There you are
Sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?

Friday, February 16, 2018

My friend! Rachel

My friend Rachel is up for some great award i have no idea what it’s all about but given the chance to  write about someone I love, I always take it. 

The funniest thing about writing how great she is, is that I didn't even like her for a long time.  But God put us on a trip to Haiti together and our names close in the alphabet and I had to sit next to her BOTH ways on the trip, ALL THE FLIGHTS!  I even gave up my window seat since she had the middle.  Now people, you know me, that's love and sacrifice.

I've seen Rachel grow so much and she's seen the same in me.  I've been thankful to fly half way across the country with her on vacation and mission trips, we've driven to see friends we love.  We've laughed (A LOT - not that many people see the real me, but Rachel has and does because I can trust her with my heart) and we've cried!

This is what I wrote about her (below) and there is so much more I could say.  She's passionate and crazy and loves well.  She's my kind of people.  When you have the opportunity to speak highly about people, do it.  And tell them too, life is to short and we need to make sure the people we love know it, and know what greatness we see in them.  Loveyou Rachel.

I met Rachel Marple in 2011 as part of the Metro South Youth Ministry, Alive.  Rachel was a leader and I was the Youth Staff Admin.  Rachel lead in many ways from stage production and sound as well as a leader for young girls.  Rachel’s leadership allowed the girls to flourish and grow without any abandon.  She loved well and the girls blossomed.

As time went on Rachel took on the Treasurer role in an 501c3 named Reach Out LaFond.  Their mission is provide education in children’s own community.  Rachel worked to get the children of LaFond sponsored so that their educational needs would be met.  She’s lead medical mission teams for the people in LaFond.   And with Rachel’s leadership they have started a feeding program, not only for the children sponsored by Reach Out Lafond but many children in Lafond.

Rachel has volunteered at My Brother’s Keeper Soup Kitchen in Detroit.  Loving and serving the homeless and those who need a meal. Rachel’s joy and love are infectious, she makes each person she encounters feel loved and important, like they truly matter.

Rachel has also volunteered her time and efforts at a volunteer day at Building a Brighter Neinas Park.  She helped assemble the garbage can holders as part of a huge community effort.

The greatest thing about Rachel is not what she does but who she is.  She’s encouraging and zealous, she’s hard working and persevering.  For Rachel giving up is never an option and on her journey to success she takes those she loves right along with her. 

I can remember Rachel telling me about how excited she was to work on the park project across the street from Nienas Elementry in Detroit.  She talked about the children, she talked about the project, and she was so excited to build picnic tables with the students and help them learn real life skills. 

Rachel can do a lot of tasks, but the relationships she builds are her greatest accomplishments.  The way she loves others and encourages them.  She speaks life into each person she meets and they are stronger and better for knowing her. 

Monday, February 12, 2018

Worship does not look the same for everyone

Yesterday started out as a rough day

I felt so out of place all day maybe it was because i didnt have youth ministry or maybe it was because someone stomped on my heart... 🤷🏼‍♀️ i don’t know 

Some friends from church were having a worship night and i wanted to go but i was so intimidated.

Did you know i can’t sing? I mean like forget the whole joyful noise thing i can’t sing.  So when the setting is small and intimate i want to puke from nervousness. Especially when everyone around me can sing. 

My heart needed to go, and i needed to journal and worship comes in many forms, and i love to write.

So while praises to the King were spinning around me and my heart was just writing like crazy so.many.feelings. It seemed like the perfect worship, pour my heart out on paper, write who He is to me. 

It felt so great to be free in those moments to express what my heart was feeling to.

Sometimes worship is singing, sometimes it’s cooking, sometimes it’s serving, sometimes it’s writing. 

I’m so thankful for a God who hears me, who never gives up on me, who brings me great joy, and who loves me.

So thankful 

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Looking ahead while looking back

My Facebook is filled with people who were once kids in the youth ministry i served in, now i call them friends.

They are having babies and graduating college, they are getting married, and starting new adventures.

I see their love for others just as i always have and even though my part in their life was so small I’m so thankful for it. 

The truth is sometimes i think about how great they are and i get a little misty thinking about how blessed i am to have loved them for so long. 

Life isn’t always easy my friends, but when i look back, I’m never sorry about the times I’ve loved.

Thursday, February 08, 2018

Missing Haiti

I saw this picture yesterday.  My heart was so happy and so sad at the same time.  I don't even know how it happens.

I think of my years of going to Haiti and I miss it so much!  I looked at this picture and aside from my lipstick I had NO MAKEUP on and look how beautiful I was.

I look at this picture and I think I just might be the luckiest person on earth!

People bought CROCS on sale for the kids at the Orphanage and we clothed the kids each with 3 outfits, new, gently used.  It was the most amazing and fun!  I know a lot of people felt like they were blessed but seriously, this moment, after we organized the shoes while listening to the Soundtrack to Wicked and sweating like crazy, I look at the joy on this little girl's face with her new shoes and I think I'm the lucky one.

I miss Haiti more than I can put into words.  I miss no make up, lots of hugs, I miss singing songs to little kids that can't understand what I'm saying.  I dream about days of kissing foreheads saying "I loveyou, I loveyou, Mwen renmen ou".  I can still hear that beauty singing a song she made up about "Maggi" and how it's in everything.

You know what I think is in everything?  LOVE.

Sunday, February 04, 2018

Catching on

My gram used to always say “too soon old too late smart”

Today i came home and had to shovel snow, really wasn’t worth busting out the snow blower. 

Often I’m putting gas/oil mix in the dark because it’s after work and it’s only light in Michigan from noon to 3pm in the winter and the light bulbs are burnt out in the garage.

So i filled the snowblower and then it occurred to me... if you change the light bulbs in the garage it won’t be dark. Well there’s a some brain power for you. I was almost firing on all cylinders.🤨

I thought about my gram today. How funny she could be. I thought about how much she loved me, even though she wasn’t perfect at it.

I was thinking about how we need to see the best in people. Anyone can pick someone apart but it takes true love to see the best in people. It’s the greatest gift you can give to yourself and them, to see people in the best light ❤️