Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Expanding my horizons

Learning is interesting to me.  I’ve been going outside my normal box of education.  And by that I mean what my friends post on FB. That’s sad my friends. I didn’t watch the news because, well, it’s horrible and sad and disgusting and the news sources swing data anyway they want to.  So I stopped watching.

Lately though, I’ve been trying to expand my horizons.  I’ve been listening to NPR and it’s funny because someone literally called me a “Flaming Liberal” (my response was “no, I just like people”) and I’ve gotten a few odd looks when I tell people. But I’ve learned about a lot of cool organizations and what is going on in the world to fight social injustice. 

Listen, I really don’t understand what it’s like to be discriminated against because of the color of my skin unless you count that one time I went to a church in Detroit and I was the only white person for 4 weeks and no one would talk to me (and I tried really hard because I loved the praise and worship and the message). And that really doesn't count.  As far as being a woman and discriminated against, maybe, but soon after people meet me, they meet my big personality and know they better not screw with me too much or they are going to get the raw end of the deal.  It’s true.  We all know it. (but I will also love people in any way I can – you gotta take the good with the bad I guess)

I have started serving at my church in youth ministry and we have a lot of kids from the neighborhood that come and we have lots of kids that aren’t from those neighborhoods too.  I used to say “kids are kids” and you love them no matter what.  And that’s kind of true.  Well, the “love them no matter what part is”.  The truth is I don’t care what color their skin is or where they are from but I do believe that in order to love them the best way possible I need to understand or at least educate myself on what it must be like to grow up where/how they do and the challenges they face.

So I listen to podcasts and I have people I can ask questions that I trust and know my heart.  I started reading books (well listening to them) to learn more.  It’s opened my eyes to a lot of things.  I’ve literally said to myself “wow, never thought about it that way” and a lot of times I’m like “ARE YOU F’ING KIDDING ME?”

I don’t know friends, it’s hard.  It’s all hard, in some ways I think we’ve come a long way (we elected an African American President) and in some ways we’ve fallen so far back I can’t believe it.  I think we’ve come a long way but as my sweet well educated daughter said this morning “I don’t think we’ve come as far as we think we have”.

I’m sure I will be writing more about this.  I’m sure there will be plenty of people who disagree with me (you can get your own blog), I would like to say this, I am open to talking about the things I learn but I am not willing to argue about it.  My only objective is to learn more so I can love more.
One great organization I learned about on NPR:


Wednesday, January 03, 2018

Well January! You’re off to a great start!

Choose wisely

I’ve never picked a word for a year and felt so strongly about it.


Don’t pick that word people unless you’re willing to walk it out and come under attack.

It’s January 3rd and it’s been quite a year already. 

Friday i have surgery for a female problem. And then today while driving i was thinking that the pcv valve on my car broke again because it smelled like a snowblower in my car. I had to roll down the window it was so bad. Then i realized my car had a rod knock. And i don’t mean some hot guy named Rodney knocking at my door. And yes I’ve gotten all my oil changes

I was already thinking I’d take my car to the dealership tomorrow but SURPRISE! It’s there now!

So i turned Down a side street (didn’t want to get stuck on telegraph) and then it occurred to me i was going to have to get past Ford Rd. So i prayed “God just get me past ford rd” then i prayed “God it’s only 4 blocks get me home” i even gave Him a little pep talk “You got this” 😂

Pulled into my driveway and my car sputtered dead. I CANT EVEN MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!!

I Chuckled. Yeap this girl bought the extended warranty. Which means rental car, paid repair/replacement. It’s the advice i give people because it’s the advice i live. 

So i called. 

Called the dealership
Called a tow truck 
Went and ate dinner with Phyllis
Tow truck came
Dropped off car

You know how obnoxious i am? I told this poor guy about the grace of God. About how so many times in my life i look back and see God’s hand and provision. 

I told the guy about my prayers and how i know God loves me because He got me
home safe

God’s grace is not lost on me.

Do you know how many places i drive that If that happened I’d be toast? Lots
Do you know my car didn’t die causing a bunch of other people stress and being late?
I don’t have cancer (i was so crazy at one point with all this female stuff i convinced myself no one would want to be my cancer buddy)
I came home to a warm house and a beautiful girl.
I’ve had more people than i could imagine offer to bring us meals or order us takeout
We don’t even have to worry in the morning about the rental because i work on the way to my daughters work so we can just car pool (don’t need a car on Friday) 

I’m so thankful! If God is for me than who can be against me?

I know you probably think I’m dumb. Let me tell you. This kind of thing has happened to me before and it was devastating. I cried and cried. This sucks. It does but i have really only two choices. I can focus on the bad or the good. 

I can make myself happy or make myself miserable the effort is the same.

I choose the good.

Monday, January 01, 2018

change and choices

The sweater i wore today always reminds me of the Christmas Eve when someone said to me “just because
You’re chubby doesn’t mean you can’t look nice. 

i love that sweater.

You know what it also reminds me...

There are a lot worse things you can be than fat.
So as i go into 2018...

I’ll choose love
I’ll choose to be kind
To give and receive grace and mercy
I’ll choose to smile 
And be happy for others.  
I’ll choose humility over pride
I’ll choose to see the good even if the bad is right in front of me
I’ll choose obedience and generosity 

I’ll choose to change the world even if it’s only the square feet around me!

Sunday, December 31, 2017

2018 Strong

There's just a few more hours left in 2017 and I am spending it in bed, resting.

This year has been tough.  I can't even recount it all. Thank God for "on this day" on FB so I can look back in a year and see what I survived. 

God is good. 

No matter what happens or doesn't happen God is good.  I've seen Him show up so many times.  I've felt Him snatch me from some pits and my own self made mess.  And I am thankful.

As I think back, I've felt like this is one of the hardest.

My dad was in the hospital for a month, and managing through all that was difficult.  I could look back and see the hard, but I choose to look back and ahead and see the way that my dad is healing.  Two strokes and a heart attack ain't no joke, people. 

My own health has not been great in 2017 and I look ahead for healing in 2018.  To be honest, I am growing weary.  I need answers, and solutions.

I think of 2018 as it comes and I have no idea what it holds.  The joy and laughter and I'm sure with that sadness and tears, but I know that God is good.

As I think ahead to 2018, I think of one word.  STRONG.

Strong in mind, body, faith, heart, and soul.

I want health and healing in a strong body for 2018.  I want to carry out what God has intended.

I want a brain that is always learning and is wise. That as I dream, my mind puts a plan in place to make it come true.  A mind that calls people's names to pray for.

I want a strong heart so that I know who I am and who I belong to.  I heart that loves God and loves others.

I want to know not only what the Word of God says, but to live it out.  To be obedient and generous.  I just want to live out what the word says.

I want to be so strong that I can be submissive to authority. So strong that humility comes easy.

I want to be strong to fight for the injustice around me and in the world.  Long term and short term.

What does that look like in 2018?


But I will do what He says, I'll go where He says to go.  I'm not saying it will come easy or that there won't be gnashing of teeth, I just hope I always go where He calls.

Come on 2018, change awaits.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

God in McDonalds

The other day someone called me selfless because i do so much serving.

My friends I’d like to be clear about something. I’m not selfless. I’m obedient and God blesses me in that. But let’s also be clear I’m not always obedient right away and there are gnashing of teeth!

The other day someone sent me $50 to put towards me dreams. I was dumbfounded. I’m not even in the middle of any projects. I kept praying about what God wanted me to do. Garden? Soccer field? No answer. God went silent. So i waited. 

Today i planned to hangout with some of kids but only one showed up 😂. She told me that she had hoped to get shoes she needed for Christmas. 

I’m pretty sure i heard God say “there you go”

My dream is that every child would know they are loved and every need will be met ! The truth is that’s overwhelming. I know with God it can be done! If everyone does their part.

The truth is i wasn’t so sure about the hang out. I didn’t  think anyone would show up 😂 and i don’t really like McDonald’s 😂😂.but... i did it .

My friend sent a very generous donation towards my dreams. 

I feel like God had the whole thing planned. He even provided gift cards for lunch.

I tell you about this day because none of this was selfless. Not one bit.

I got to have lunch with the greatest girl.  My lunch was paid for. She even went grocery shopping with me not even knowing my heart had said to get her shoes. I got to see her light up when she could get there pairs of shoes.  We might have almost thrown down over that last pair of Pink ones because she said “you can’t buy me three pairs” 😂😂😂😂 i said “you can’t tell me what i can and can’t do, you’re not the boss of
Me” 😂😂😂 all while laughing!

God gave me dream, He even gives me the opportunity to make it come true. He fed me. And i got to see joy, laugh, and live love. 

I also tell you this all to remind you to be open to hearing God’s voice in all things!  From McDonald’s to checks in the mail. To standing in the coldest store I’ve ever been in. 

He’s a good good Father!

Sunday, December 24, 2017

scary teenagers

Today in church  our pastor said teenagers arent scary and this is probably one of the only time I would disagree with our pastor. (He’s awesome! And speaks Truth) Teenagers are scary. They watch you and they love you but you must be authentic. You must live a life that looks like love no matter what you’re saying. 

Teenagers can see through all your whole crap. They may give grace but as adults we must live above reproach because they are watching! They can see a hypocrite 100 miles away and have a bull crap meter.

That’s actually  the reasons i live them. Teenagers are typically very real and they are accepting and loving.  They make me live my best life because even if I’m not perfect they still love me. 

It is scary to me to disappoint them so i strive to be kind and loving, of good character and fun! I love teenagers even if they are scary 😆Sc

Friday, December 22, 2017

Calculators and flashbacks

I got a calculator when i started in sales. Big buttons, basic functions. 

Recently someone told me i needed a new one. Mine is old.

I love calculators.

Yesterday i was thinking about this little gray and red calculator i carried with me in my purse when I’d go grocery shopping. I’d put the amount of money i had in my purse and I’d subtract each item from the total. 

 Yesterday had been an overwhelming day. As i drove to Blessed Hope i thought about how i used to have to do that and memorize prices because if i accidentally hit “c” I’d clear out the entire order and stand there and recalculate.

Those days seem far away and just like yesterday all in the same breath. 

It is not lost on me how God’s grace and provision has carried me. I know that as a single mom I’m automatically a statistic but I’m one that i like to read. 

So many people have helped me over the years and i think of them so many times as i pay it forward. 

Today i took the day off because i needed a little break before “Christmas weekend”. Today I’m delivering groceries to a family so that they have food to eat over the school break and i get to deliver presents to people i love. 

I know there were times when i could barely afford to eat. Sometimes i didn’t. For a brief time we even had to share a room at a friend’s house and without her, we would have been homeless. 

It could have made me hard. But it made me greatful. I pulled away from my house yesterday thinking about how perfect our house is for us, how much i love it. 

As crazy and stressful as 2017 has been, I’m thankful. My eyes are fixed on Him.