This way… His way…

I often wonder what people think of me. I wonder if they really see how hard I struggle or do they see the part that smiles and gets it all done by a miracle.

I wonder, do they know how much I pray? Do they know that I want to be purpose driven not emotionally driven?

Today, I got a partial answer. I was going to leave my home church. For selfish reasons really. The reasons don’t really matter anyway. I was also emotionally driven. I was spent. In more ways than one. I even had “a friend” trying to help me make my decision. And that was probably the dumbest thing.

But I know where my center of my universe is. I know where to go when there is a problem, or a joy. I turn inward and upward.

I made a decision this year, thanks to a very awesome friend, that I would spend 5 minutes with God, alone, no car, no tv, no music. Silence. We were each other’s accountability partners. Sometimes we did really well, sometimes not so much. But it all came down to me and God. Sometimes it was hours, sometimes He didn’t wait to talk to me when it was silent. It was like going from dial up to broad band (or whatever it’s called). While dial up works, broadband is so much clearer.

I prayed and prayed. God, where do I belong? The answer could have come easy for Him to give me. But He didn’t just tell me because sometimes I just don’t listen, and it needs to be visual. Many signs all arrows pointed to back to home. But the cool thing is, it’s not an all or nothing thing. I can get great things from both. I love the people at both, it wasn’t about who is better, and it really wasn’t about me. It was where does God want me, where He is going to use me.
But let’s get back to where I started after the rambling… I was talking to my dear, dear friend, and her and the Pastor had talked about me while I was trying to make up God’s mind (kids – don’t try this at home). He told my friend, “she’ll listen to God, and where He wants her, that’s where she’ll go”.

I’m not saying that you should stay at a church if you think you are lead to leave, I am not telling you to leave a church. I’m not saying you can’t meet great people at a new church and learn amazing things, I’m not saying anything. I am saying, it’s not about you. It’s about God, and where you are supposed to serve HIM.

Col 3:23-24 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving