Saturday, August 26, 2006
Wall going up
I had a dream the other day about a wedding ring. I thought it was funny, I picked out a 7 carat ring. My girlfriend told me to look it up on dream interreptation. Dreaming about a wedding ring means "in the dream world" that you are hiding from pain, putting up walls. My g-friend said "that's not true about you"... but it is true, I can almost feel each brick being laid. I can feel the mortar and then each brick.
The last few months have had some major pain by people who I trusted to be my friend, to love me, but it seems that the love and friendship was only one sided. It's always hard to leave Dani, my friend who has been around for a long time. It's painful. So I put on this happy face, the one that no one sees the pain inside. I try to fool them and fool myself, but I am not fooling myself or God.
I am trying, ok, I am only fooling myself about trying to keep the bricks from going up, there's a lot of stuff I am keeping inside, there is a lot of stuff that I am keeping to myself, except that I am a dunce if I think that God doesn't know. He knows, and He is putting people in my life to help me open up, but I am resisting. I need to open up, life is better without the wall.
Its' time to be still.
Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God