Thursday, October 19, 2006
I can’t help it, happy, sad, grumpy, glad. I cry. I hold it back, I push the feelings down, but once the dam breaks, look out, here comes the flood.
I cried from Monday at 5pm – all night – and into part of Tuesday. People thought someone in my family died. That’s how much I cried. That’s how awful I looked.
I couldn’t help it. Yes, I have faith, I know that God is the one to depend on. But it still hurts when people are jerks to us. It still hurts when people tell you they care aobut you, but do mean things to you.
It sucks when your whole life is in the air, and even though you know God will never let you fall, you are on your knees pleading for the tornado to stop.
I cried so hard I gagged, people in the post office asked me if I was ok (I had to get something mailed out or I wouldn’t have went), my poor daughter kept asking me if I was going to be ok.
I think maybe I was holding so much stuff in that it was like I kept putting my finger in the dam to hold the water back that once it broke loose, that was it.
I really haven’t stopped crying, I just do it in the car now where no one can see me. If you know me, you know I cry at everything, songs, movies, commercials, when someone has a great accomplishment, when someone is telling me something terrible.
Tears are good. I don’t care what anyone says.
Psalm 6:6 I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.