Did you ever know anyone who said “Yippee, I got cancer”?
Cancer is ravenous, I’ve been told it’s painful. No one wishes that they get cancer.
Hate is ravenous. I’ve experienced it’s pain. No one wishes for hate.
They are both terrible things, both (I believe) used by satan to destroy us. God can use bad things for good. Many people pray for those who have cancer, bringing them closer to God one prayer at a time. I am praying for the light of Christ to surround me to ward off hate, bringing me one step closer to God with each prayer. I am watching it breed all around me. I feel myself resisting, but I can feel the negative feelings around me. It’s awful.
I left work today, too distressed to even cry. I wanted to cry, but I was unable. I wondered if they made pills so I could become oblivious to all the YUCK around me. I wanted to go home, curl up on the couch with my buddies Ben and Jerry and have a party. But… I had a commitment. I committed to Jeremy, myself, and most importantly to God that on Thursdays I would work at the building. Nothing should stop me (short of cooties). I thought it would be good to go to the building, serve. Do whatever needed to be done. I picked up some trash, took a look around the building (it’s very cool to see what a super market looks like when it’s not so super), and did a bunch of other stuff. It was good not to think about the YUCK for awhile. It was nice to be in God’s house, though it certainly doesn’t look like a church, and maybe that’s what God had in mind all along when He gave Metro the “unchurch” nickname… hmmm… that God… so wise. Maybe He knew all along that I would need to serve on Thursdays. I don’t know.
I still want to cry, but somehow, there is a dam blocking the flood. I’m trusting, Lord, do you hear me, I am trusting. I am trusting that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be in all aspects of my life. At work, at home, at church. I am EXACTLY where You want me to be. I am trusting that You have the path of cobblestones for me to walk. I am trusting that You will protect me from hate. I trust You Lord, because only You can deliver like no other. And I will keep saying it. Even when I doubt, I will keep saying it. I trust You, Lord, I trust in You alone.
Proverbs 3:5:6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
P.S. This post started out one way, and went off in a totally different direction… has that ever happened to you?