I got these from Pat, had to share, I will post a "real" one later.
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who serves carrots knows nothing of theholiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like finesingle-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer thansingle-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now.So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" orsomething. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point ofgravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out ofyour mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or butter-and-cream. If it's skim milk, pass. Why bother? It's likebuying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to controlyour eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eatother people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and NewYear's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling thebuffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat ofeggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, likefrosted cookies in the shape and size of Santa Claus, position yourselfnear them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If youleave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Pecan. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.Or,if you don't like mincemeat, have two pecans and one pumpkin.Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with themandatory celebratory calories, but don't turn up your nose and attemptto avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. . .try some witha BIG dollop of Cool Whip!
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the partyor get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who serves carrots knows nothing of theholiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like finesingle-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer thansingle-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now.So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" orsomething. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point ofgravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out ofyour mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or butter-and-cream. If it's skim milk, pass. Why bother? It's likebuying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to controlyour eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eatother people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and NewYear's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling thebuffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat ofeggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, likefrosted cookies in the shape and size of Santa Claus, position yourselfnear them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If youleave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Pecan. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.Or,if you don't like mincemeat, have two pecans and one pumpkin.Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with themandatory celebratory calories, but don't turn up your nose and attemptto avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. . .try some witha BIG dollop of Cool Whip!
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the partyor get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
Comments
Merry Christmas !!