Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Uncomfortably honest

** I had to repost the whole thing... this new beta blogger thing is wierd... so now I expect some new comments so you guys don't look so looney...
We're starting a new series soon, 'uncomfortable'. Hmmm... This is nothing new for me... I'm always uncomfortable... my pants are always too tight.
Seriously, all week, I've had this feeling about some change that is going to be going on. I felt a peace about it, even said to my boss, whatever happens, I'm going to be ok, but I'm sure I will hate it when it happens. I was thinking more like new job, moving, that sort of thing.
Last night I went on my first Fuel "field trip" and overnighter and a trip to Great Lakes Crossing (I don't like malls, that but that place is SWEET). I had a headache, it was loud, and the diesel fumes or gas fumes, whatever they were - stunk!
We divided up and I was supposed to go with Mark and like 10 other kids. They left me behind. Not kidding. Didn't even realize I wasn't there. So I tagged along with Jessie, Amber, Courtney. How can you be a fifth wheel when there is only 4 of you? I don't know, but that's how I felt.
There was an issue with where the girls would sleep, Adam asked if we could use my house, of course. I made preparations... and we were all set. He also asked the Mara's who said yes (their house is awesome I must say). It was decided that we would just all go to the Mara's. Quite frankly, I wanted to go to my own house. Completely selfish, but I did. And so did Phyllis. But we went with the group and went to the Mara's.
On the bus home I was sitting there, tired, headache, stinky fumes, and it was dark, and I pretended to take a little cat nap, but really, I was crying. "Are you kidding me God, why am I here? These kids don't like me, they have enough help, Lord, I got nothing, why?" I might sound like a jerk, but I was ready to quit. And God said to me "just wait, I got a spot for you". I'm not very patient, and I didn't want to wait. ***Youth Ministry is not for the weak, and I don't give up...
We all went to the Mara's and had a good time. We got all the kids out on time (and fed some yummy pancakes - I made them) and off to church. Still wondering to myself as I saw my daughter all the way in the back of the van, not talking to anyone and she wasn't happy. And again, "what are we doing here? Really?"
We got to church, I was praying for Aaron who did the teaching today, and I said,
God let Your message be heard by those who need to hear it. And Lord, if You are talking to me, my heart is open, Lord.
I could have stayed at my old church. It was comfortable, I could serve wherever I wanted, but I knew that wasn't part of the plan. I knew I had to go to Metro and God would eventually find my place.
His message was loud and clear. I have my place in Fuel, and I have my gifts that He gave me for good use. I am a part of the body of Christ.
1 Cor 12:12 The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ


Sara said...

hey! you deleted everybody!!! apparently you are the fingers in the body! xos

Pat said...

Now that's one major deleting job!
I'd say you not only the fingers, your the entire hand!

Margie said...

I couldn't just delete one or two comments... it was nutty... I am not sure if i like this new blogger, it doesn't save me on the computer either... ugh!

Tonya said...

I guess I deleted the first one that you apparently deleted.

Sara said...

both margie and tonya were deleted from the lifegroup meeting tonight! you guys owe me for representing everybody!