Tomorrow I have to talk in front of the kids of Fuel about sex or at least my testimony. I wonder now why I opened my big mouth and volunteered for this... what the heck was I thinking... So here it is, I don't have anything else to write about today.
When I was 15 I had this incredible crush on someone that I had known since I was 5. It was the summer that I moved to Lincoln Park, I was all alone. My friends all in Dearborn had been sleeping with their boyfriends and it seemed that I was the only one who was still a virgin.
I really liked this guy and I thought that if I slept with him that would make him like me more and take us to the next level. We had been friends for so long and you see stuff on TV that shows that it’s the thing that takes you over the edge. I really liked him, he liked me but just as a friend.
So we had sex. And you know what, our friendship didn’t change, it didn’t bring us any closer and didn’t push us apart. It was like any other thing we ever did. We went fishing, we listened to music, we had sex. That was it. I could tell you that I felt all empty inside but I really didn’t. But I didn’t feel great either.
Then I met someone when I was 18, we were friends and we started dating. He had his own apartment, and he smoked pot and we slept together. After about 6 months or so, he started doing cocaine. I told him he had to chose between the drugs or me. And he chose the drugs. A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I went to go tell him, and he asked me to marry him. Believe it or not, I said no. He hadn’t stopped doing the drugs and I asked him for money for an abortion because I didn’t want to face my family as “a single mom”. I made the appointment for an abortion, but on the day of the appointment, I cancelled it. I couldn’t go through with it.
And from that day, I knew that people were going to talk, they would either talk about how I pulled myself out of the mess I got myself into or they would talk about what a shame it was that I had “so much potential” and a few wrong choices turned my whole world upside down.
I don’t regret the decision I made to keep my baby, because it’s Phyllis, but I will tell you that life as a single mom isn’t easy and that I knew that I couldn’t do it on my own. I gave her right over to God right from the beginning. I wish that I would have “saved myself for marriage” but I know that because of the decisions I made, God made good from wrong choices.