I am amazed sometimes how I let people disappoint me.
I could try to push the responsiblity off on them, to hold them to expectations that they may never be able to live up to. But I won't. It's my fault. I shouldn't trust them.
My life started out regularly early with people leaving me. My mom left. Not her fault, but she's gone. I have a bunch of people in my family that may love me but honestly, I am not sure if they really like me. And that's probably my fault, I can be a little hard to take sometimes. I'm loud, I have a big bark (and butt) to keep people who are the surface type away.
It seems that in the last couple days I have been nothing but disappointed, and I'm angry, but I'm angry at myself for even allowing myself to believe in the word of others.
And so this brings me to my point. God is always there. He's always true to His Word, and while we might not always get what we want, we get what we need. Sometimes I am at such a loss, I can't communicate what I want. But God hears my heart. In Psalm 139:23 it says Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts, I long for His lessons, they make me better and stronger. To make me more like Him. Can you imagine the disappointment He has in me? I feel like I am always falling, failing. But thankfully His arm is never too short to reach down, pick me up, dust off my knees and point me in the right direction. I'm asking to be pointed, Lord. I ask that You set me on the path that You have for me. Lord, should I wonder from that path, do what it takes to get me where I need to be, in Your light, Oh Lord.
Worship Song for the day (sorry, no YouTube)
The Solid Rock
My hope is built on nothing less,
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' Name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.