I'm sick of my gifts. Ok. I said it. I want to have different gifts. Right now, I am not liking my gifts. Incredibly selfish you are probably thinking, right? she loves working with youth (because she's the mom type), she's great with baking/cooking. She is a great hugger, smiler (hello! have you seen my lips), I can spot danger ahead sometimes before it's close to happening (it's that stupid mom thing again), and I have a knack of getting kids to remember that counters aren't chairs, so we don't sit on them (that would be my "hey sweet pea, that's not a chair, don't sit on it"). I always have an escape route in case something happens, a plan A, B, C, sometimes all the way to Z plan in case something happens and my baby and I need to get out quick. Yes, that's right, our bus breaks down in Kings Island and I IMMEDIATLY start to pray for wisdom on where we are going to stay, just in case. And if your child is in my presence, rest assured, I will take every effort to make sure that they are safe and well cared for (and probably well fed). But sorry, I am sick of my gifts.
You are thinking those are all good things, right? Do you really know what its like to never really ever let go and have fun? I do. It means that while you love God with all your heart, you really hope that He does see it because if I let it all the way open, something might happen and I won't be prepared. It means that when your heart wants to open when you are with all those kids, you're back at the words making sure that it doesn't go wrong and the kids have the right words. It means that during service, you are distracted wondering if every person got greeted, did they feel welcome, and next service (experience) when there is 3 times (at least) as many people, will they feel the love of God when they walk in. It means not crying because you don't want people wondering or asking what's wrong when you are handing them a program. It means that "go big or go home" might fall a little short.
I wasn't there on Sunday, I picked my dad up from a well deserved vacation. I missed church, I missed the message that God had for all of us, but as usual, my focus is me here. I missed the message, but the print out was sitting at the back desk, and I stole it (gasp). It probably would have been thrown out anyway, but i will return it when I am there on Sunday (so I didn't EXACLTY steal it, I borrowed it). I wanted to hear what He had to say via Jeremy. And I got to hear it (read it) undestracted, I haven't finished it yet. But you know what I heard? I heard that God is using me for something great. That He will use me (and my gifts), for Him, even though He certainly doesn't need me. But that He has provided a way for me to succeed in Him, that I don't always need an escape route, because He's got it. He's got it all and though I am small, and weak, and that I have been forced to worship in what I do not just singing (which is an incredible lesson in itself to be shared in another blog), He's got it. And He put me right here for a reason. And that in the HIStory of all His people, there were times when we all didn't like our gifts. And that I can't have someone else's gifts because mine are needed.
You know, I was a little bummed that I missed church on Sunday, that the flight landed smack in the middle of the mornign so I woudn't be able to go to church, maybe it was all part of the plan.... Hmmm...
John 3:27 (Msg) John answered, "It's not possible for a person to succeed—I'm talking about eternal success—without heaven's help