Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Connection/No Connection

You may know that I have a friend in prison. Enprisoned for something he didn't do. Though, if you ask him, he will tell you that they just didn't catch him for the things he did. I won't go into all the details here, but yesterday I was driving home and it occurred to me the connection of his previous life and the destroying of lives of people I have really come to love. And how it has even tied to my life being a single mom. It was a pretty big revelation. Shocking it never occurred to me before but it may have had something to do with the crack dealer that was going to walk up to my car last. God spoke to me in a lot of ways regarding that subject, a lot about mercy and grace. It's not about a judgement, just about a new view.

No Connection:
Second, I am going to share a fear with you. I am afraid to be thin. Not spiders, not snakes, though neither of those things thrill me, but I can kill them, if they don't kill me first.

The last time I was thin (I am yo-yo), I made a lot of bad decisions, the world thought I had it all together, I looked great, was healthy, I put on a really good show. Never been sadder in my life though I did have a lot of good memories. I literally had people tripping near me to get my attention. I'm scared to go back there.

Now, this fear, totally stupid, I wasn't walking with the Lord, He may have been walking with me, but I wasn't walking with him. Yesterday I had another revelation... being thin and making bad choices ARE NOT connected. I did feel great when I was thin, I was active, even more than I am now, rarely tired. So I decided yesterday, with a little nudging from some angels around me, it's time to get back to it. There's no connection to my wrong choices and being thin, and physically I feel better thin. I didn't walk with God, I didn't run with God, and I certainly didn't make God-honoring choices. Now, I want to live a life that brings Glory to all He does, and mostly for who He is. So ask me how it's going. I did lose about 20 pounds this summer but I got about another 50 to go. There's more to this story... and we'll go there another day.

Col 2:28-23 18Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. 19He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.
20Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: 21"Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? 22These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. 23Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.


Mrs. Mac said...

I'm glad to read that you are learning to disassociate former bad choices in life from accepting what is normal and OK. It takes a lot of strength sometimes to pull yourself up and shake off the dust of the past. God is not through with you yet sister. Good post.

Pat said...

Looks like you're doing some great soul searching and coming up with the right answers to life's questions. You are very wise, Oh young friend.

KayMac said...

Another thing you didn't have "back then" was all the saints around you that you have now, who truly love you and will do anything they can to help you through any kind of struggle!

Sara said...

you already know you're God's girl; now let her out! (no matter how thin or not-so-much she is!)

Margie said...

Thank you so much...

one question...
ya'll thought it was normal that a crack dealer almost walked up to my car last night?

Pat said...

Margie being Margie, I figured if you wanted to tell us the story about the crack dealer you would have.

Mrs. Mac said...

Margie ... you left off the word "night" ... your sentence just says ... "was going to walk up to my car last."

I was mostly making a comment about the "No Connection" part of your post.

Hurray for the revelation: "being thin and making bad choices are not connected" ...

Vikki said...

"I wasn't walking with the Lord, He may have been walking with me, but I wasn't walking with him." AMEN AMEN

I just can't put into words how much this post has affected me. Surrounded by recovering addicts who can't hide their brokenness, I am struggling to identify mine and come to terms with why it is I bite my nails to such a despicable state. Why do I eat eat eat at night. What am I holding on to? What am I afraid of?

Casting Crowns, East To West
Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
in your sea of forgetfulness
chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
don't want to end up where you found me
it echoes in my mind
keeps me awake tonight
I know you cast my sins as far
as the east is from the west
(skipping lots, you know ;)
you're holding on to me
I don't have to see the man I've been
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy
I find rest