Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Pulling back

I can feel myself. I can feel myself pulling back. Retreating. Not for any reason. Except the need to. I have this horrid habit, when I am hurt or uneasy (and sometimes both) I climb into the shell. I think, contemplate what's going on around me, and what am going to do (or not do).

I also don't trust easily, and the more people come towards me (especially if it's a lot of people in a small time frame) I will pull back, and assess a situation. I don't trust that easily, although there are two people who are in my life right now that I trust completely. I assure you, you can trust me, but sometimes I am not so sure about you. :) You may know a lot about me, because I do put a lot of stuff "out there" but there is always something that is held back.

Lately I have felt like I needed protection, and so I've been pulling back, and most won't even notice, the smile will still be there, but if you pay close attention, I'll be a little quieter than usual, and I probably won't smile much, almost as though I am preoccupied. Before, I would turn to darkness. Where I would dwell to find the answers I needed wasn't always a good place. But this time, it's different, and the retreat has been guided. As though to say, "come this way, I will protect you". Where I'm retreating, it's Light. The words and guidance are loving. And the pulling away was not my intention, the feeling was strong, and I didn't really get it, until yesterday when the words of David came loud and clear, in a text message.

Psalm 25:4-5
4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

I feel like God is placing a hedge of protection around me, and I didn't even really feel like I needed it, but I must have. He's telling me to turst and listen. And trust doesn't come easy for me, even trusting God. Oh, I sound like a jerk. But at least I'm an honest jerk, and I know God has it all.. And I've got to listen, and I talk a lot, so listening doesn't come easy either, so I might need duct tape.

I don't know exaclty what's going on, but I'm releasing control to the One who has it all.

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.”- Psalm 19:14

Also, the picture from last Friday, I made it into an 8X10 and it will be hanging in my house.

All Creatures - Crowder

All creatures of our God and King
Lift up your voice and with us sing
Oh, praise Him!
Thou burning sun with golden beam
Thou silver moon with softer gleam
Oh, praise Him!
Oh, praise Him!


Mrs. Mac said...

Margie ... sometimes God moves us in the direction of pulling back to save us from self destructing ... i.e. doing too much, thinking too hard, piling up more on our 'plate' than He wants us to have. It's a fine state to be in ... His protective ways are not our ways ... just go with His flow sweetie.

KayMac said...

Have to admit, your post makes me feel protective OF you right now. Will be praying for you.

Arlene - BY HIS STRIPES!!! said... I told you when you were here, you are such an inspiration to me. You are so honest and turning to God, our Light, is the way when we are going through things like this. It is easy to get where you are feeling the need to be protected. As long as you are looking to the Light, you can't go wrong. Know that you are being prayed for and loved much more than you could possibly know. You are without a doubt a true servant of God.

Sara said...

praying. and you are not pulling back, you are pulling inside of yourself to reorient your heart.

John Cowart said...

Hi Margie,
Jesus knows what it is to pull back; He often withdrew to an isolated place. Not a thing wrong with that.

St. Francis' "All Creatures..." is my favorite hymn.