Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


10 years ago tomorrow Phyllis was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (by the time the JRA was under control it was in her hip, both wrists, both knees, both ankles, fingers, one elbow - they said she only had a 15% chance of going into remission). Looking at her today, you might never know unless you look at her wrists that still have low range of motion.

That was a tough time in my life. I was quite a fighter back in the day, and between the fear of losing my job and what was going to be the outcome of my daughter's life based on the choices I had to make all by myself, I was a wreck. Only by God's grace am I standing before you today. Only I didn't really understand grace back then.

I wrote Phyllis a letter. Today, my head seemed to be spinning, I was on my knees asking for God. Even wrote on a post it note, "Please God" that's it. I don't need to go into it with God, He understands what I need what I want, and He will provide for it all, or He won't but I trust in Him. At some point, I looked at the calender and thought, wow, we've come a long way. And so that was the point of the letter. To remind Phyllis, and myself, that we have a God who loves us and never leaves us even when times are tough.

I worship an amazing God.

Dear Phyllis,

Today, I don’t know why but I feel like my life is circling way out of control. And for a minute, God stopped me, tomorrow is the day that you were diagnosed with Arthiritis, 10 years ago. That means that 10 years ago today, we slept in a hospital bed. Well, you slept, I cried. I remember that day like it was yesterday, and in the years passing that moment, I remember each time I had to get a wheel chair for you, I remember how your cried, how you looked.

And I think about how God never left us. I think about how God is ever faithful, and how on my knees I begged Him to give me your pain. I remember how as I put the authorization in the fax machine that I couldn’t make anymore decisions and that your life was in His hands. It always had been but that was the day I think I truly relinquished you to Him. To say “I’m not smart enough or strong enough, BUT GOD, You are. Please handle all of this”. And at that moment my prayers were answered.

I think about where we were and where we are, and boy, am I thankful to a God who loves us, endlessly.

Happy December 4th! Let the Glory be to God!!

Isa 53:5 5 But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.

1 comment:

KayMac said...

God is amazing. And you are an amazing mom!