There's a good chance that if you know me (or you think you know me) you like me. Not to be a jerk, but I was born a sales person. Maybe not born a sales person, but I certainly have developed the personality of a sales person over the years, probably out of survival. I hate to admit it, but I have.
Have you ever seen a brick wall? They typically don't make them ugly to the outside world, but there is a reason for a brick wall. To keep something in or keep something out. Have you ever seen my smile? While I may not think I am the most beautiful thing to look at, I gotta smile that will make you smile. It's my brick wall. That smile will keep you back, thinking everything is a-ok and you won't try to go past the surface. Those of you who know me, and know the truth about me (before this post) already know this. "How are you?" "FANTASTIC" Sign #1 that everything is not ok, but most won't go past that, and if you do, I'll think of some great thing happening in my life (which there are tons because I am blessed by God) to tell you, you'll walk away, and I'll be glad you did.
Reading this book I am reading "Captivating" I'm learning more about myself and why I am the way I am and really how I wound up this way. It's pretty crazy. No its amazing. AMAZING.
I live a loud, loving life, but I feel like it's time to turn down the volume, I must give something up. 4 things, if I could just let go of one. BUT (yes, that's a mighty big but) I can give you a reason why I don't want to or rather "I can't". I can, I just don't want to. Living a busy life keeps you from confronting that fact that you are lonely or gives you the excuse not to work on something. It does, I'm an expert. I do that. I've learned that lesson, and it's time to take that life lesson and do more with it then learn it, it's time to put it into action.
I need to get past this surface living, this 'not trusting' thing, I need to get past the "we need to get together but I don't have time" or (you can fill in the blank) but I don't have time. I don't think it's God who keeps me busy, actually I know it's not God. I think it's me who is afraid to be hurt and disappointed.
It's time to stop living a life on the surface, and to trust.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.