Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

What is hiding in my heart?

I am the off the cuff writer, when God gives me something to write about, I rarely think about it longer than a half hour unless I am struggling with it, then I hold on to it forever it seems.

Today on Sara's blog she tells us she will be speaking, oh how I wish i could be there, but one more thing on my plate and I am done for.

What's hiding on my heart? The thing about me is that most things don't hide for long. They eventually come pouring out like green slime. So what's hiding on my heart today?

1. I forgot to write down an automatic payment and I am freaking out about it. But I know that somehow this will all work out.

2. I have to cook for a spaghetti dinner on Sunday and I have no idea how many I am cooking for. None. A note got sent out late inviting the church which is an awesome thing, but it puts a lot of pressure on me on getting it all together, and keeping it that way. I wonder "do you realize how much this work is?" And while I love it, it stresses me way out.

3. Am I doing too much? That answer is yes, but what the heck can I give up. I will certainly disappoint someone, and there isn't one person I want to disappoint, some more than others. Nonetheless my heart is churning

4. Am I a good mother? why does my daughter seem to have this huge attitude. Maybe I am a good mother because she has a huge attitude, I don't know. What the heck? And even though I am healed more and more everyday of losing my mom, if I would have had a mother, maybe that would help me to grasp all this. So, why God did you take my mom??

5. Christmas Eve. It's always been Mom's side Christmas Eve, Dad's side Christmas Day. Now, I have this new family (which I love) and they celebrate on Christmas Eve, both at the same time, with a church service RIGHT smack dab in the middle of it all. How the heck do I do it all? I believe in what Metro is doing but I am losing my mind about the whole thing. How can I be in two places at once? How do I not disappoint someone? Good Lord, this is a lot of pressure over something that is supposed to be celebrated.

I guess all that worrying isn't hiding any longer.
As a note, I just realized that 9 years ago tomorrow, Phyllis was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis, but is now in remission. She has been in remission for nearly 5 years. Boy, do I remember those days, they were awful, BUT GOD is ever faithful, and ever healing, and in all He has done for me I am thankful, but if healing Phyllis was the only thing He had ever done for me, I would thank Him for always.
Matthew 6:24-30 25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?


Louise said...

Dear Margie, I've learned, the hard way, that when things seem to be be churning and rumbling and stressing me to no end that I need to find a quiet place and simply be still ... even if it's just a few minutes, be still. It isn't in the hustle and bustle and busy-ness that we hear our Father speak, it's in the stillness. The small quiet inner voice is usually His. And for me anyway, He has never shouted to get my attention.

We are going to have questions not answered and our kids will have attitudes (even grown-up kids have them!) and you are a good Mom regardless of what your daughter may think at the momemt, and in this life we are going to disappoint someone at some time. We are not here to please people ... we are here to please and honor and glorify the Father. His opinion is all that matters.
And often, when you're walking with Him, there are good Christian people who simply won't understand it. And that's okay.

Rest today child. Find a quiet place, take a deep breath in and exhale slowly and relax.

Remember this:
"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."
---John Piper

KayMac said...

Will be praying for your busy schedule and that God's peace prevails right in the middle of it all!