Wednesday, January 09, 2008
I am reading my book, Captivating, slowly but surely. The problem isn't that I am not interested in the book, the problem is that I am so interested in the book and the scripture that goes along with it, that I spend a lot of time in thought, that it takes me forever to read it. I love the book.
I have lived most of my life in survival mode. Well, at least the last 15 years, I have had to scrap with doctors for the well-being and health of my daughter, I have worked 4 jobs in order to just survive, literally. I have gone without. And truth be told, I am tired of being strong. This momma bear is ready to rely and live with a strong, Christian man.
I am attracted to strong men. Men who can sit facing the door so that if anything were to happen, it's taken care of before it happens. Men who can make a decision and say "I understand your feelings, but truly, this is what's best for our family", and men who can be so strong that they say "you are right, this is what's best for our family". Unfortunatly, like I said a couple days ago, strong leadership is not the same as strong personality, although they do sometimes walk hand in hand. I have dated men who have strong personalities, and who also abuse such power. Men who surely didn't understand the gem they had in me, and would have rather buried me in the dirt then to allow me to sparkle. Not to say that I am wonderful, but in God, I am a gem.
In reading this book, I read yesterday about how men were made to be strong, because like us, they were made in God's image, a strong warrior, able to defeat those who are against us. And woman, she was made to be beautiful, in God's image, (Song 4:9, 15). I think God made me to be more beautiful and less strong. And in the last years I have had to be strong, that's where my focus was, out of survival.
I'm ready to put down my club and be who I was intended to be, beautiful.
Rev 18:1 After this I saw another angel coming down from heaven. He had great authority, and the earth was illuminated by his splendor