Passion



Passion is a gritty kind of love, tough and

optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it

through to the end. (10,000 Reasons Overflow)


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lost

*this was yesterdays' post, blogger wouldn't let me on....

In order to be found, you must first realize that you are… lost. I often steal the great thoughts of Adam (our Youth Pastor) and then have my crazy way with them. “If you want to know who you are, you must first know who God is”. Brilliant.

Most of my life I’ve always been somebody’s something, Bob’s daughter, Phyllis’s mom, Dani’s girl (and Dani is a guy though his name is spelled the feminine way). And that’s ok.

Unless you are just reading this for the first time or you’ve really not been paying attention, you know that my dad got married in December. And it is taking some adjusting. I’ve never had a step mom, I know what I do as a mom, but I don’t know who does what when it comes to mom’s relating to dad’s, and that whole hubby-wife thing, because that’s never really been a part of my life. My role in my dad’s life has changed considerably, really for the good. I love the whole mom thing. Though, I did call her because I bought my dad clothes for his birthday (as I often do) but didn’t want her to be offended. I have had to figure out a new role for myself.

I’ve been coming to the realization that my daughter is not going to be in school much longer, and she will be finding a life outside of the one I have with her (and I am praying I have done a good job).

I was writing a letter to Dani, he’s not too thrilled with me because he had once told me that we would never make it, and so my relationship with him has changed. Meaning marriage, babies, etc, for a lot a reasons. And in the letter I said “sometimes I don’t even know how to be happy. I have lived my life for someone else for so long, for my dad, for my family, for Phyllis, and even at times, for you. Trying to be everything and someone that everyone else wants me to be.”

Things are a changin’. The only thing that stays the constant is change.

Our lives are never the same, the mom I was when Phyllis was 1 is different that age 4, different from age 15.

Even the life I live as a Christ follower is not the same as it was 1, 2, 3 years ago. I’m learning who I am in Christ instead of just who I am.

And my interests have changed. Even what I liked 6 months ago, I have decided maybe wasn’t for me. Things I thought that would work out, and that it was part of The Plan, aren’t. People I thought that I really had an interest in, and they me, isn’t seeming to work out, for whatever reason. But sometimes things and feelings change, and I can’t help the way they feel.

I like that I am constantly changing, and most importantly growing. I’m not lost because God found me, but I was. And at times, I didn’t even know I was lost. I was lost in a world that I had no business being in. And somedays, I find myself back there. And as always, God has a close eye on me. So I will never be completely lost, my heart always knows how to find home.

I say this all because I feel like I know who I am, I know who God is, I know who I want to be in Him. And if I have to be known as somebody’s something, I want to be a part of His flock.

Matthew 18:13-14 13And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.



Now my life song sings

I once was lost, but now I'm found
I once was lost, but now I'm found
So far away, but I'm home now
I once was lost, but now I'm found
And now my lifesong sings

I once was blind, but now I see
I once was blind, but now I see
I don't know how, but when He touched me
I once was blind, but now I see

And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings

I once was dead, but now I live
I once was dead, but now I live
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You

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