A secret can only hurt you if you keep it. It can riddle you with guilt. It can make you feel miserable inside.
Here's my secret. I sometimes listen to satan when he tells me I'm worth nothing. That I can't. Sometimes I hear his word, louder than I hear the word of God. Maybe I don't hear it louder but sometimes I listen to it more. I allow him to use people in my life to echo what he has to say. You're not good enough, smart enough, you're nothing. You're only good enough to sit in the back. And sometimes he even tells me that my own father doesn't love me, that I mean nothing to him, and that I will never be good enough for him. And... I listen.
But that's not the truth. In Christ, I stand good enough, strong enough, smart enough, and loved.
I have this dream, maybe more like a vision, because I really can see it. That one day, I will be a woman of faith speaker. Not Women of Faith, but a woman of faith speaking. It sounds wierd but I can see a family traveling with me, a husband and kids, and everything. Odd, I know. I'm just me. And maybe this woman of faith isn't speaking from a stage in an auditorium to 1000s of people but to one at a time. I just know that's what I am supposed to do, to speak life.
To fulfill a dream, there is hard work and preparation involved. And sometimes there's disappointment because it doesn't work out the way we think it will. There's disappointment because we don't do what we're supposed to.
I've never really thought of myself as an 'upfront' person. I'm quite comfortable in the back. Cooking or cleaning or doing words or helping to run sound equipment or show a video or whatever needs to be done. But I have this dream.
There are parts of my life that must change. That I must become small, I must let God cover me, and mold me and make me, and CHANGE me, and seep into parts of my heart, that have been damaged and broken. I've seen Him do great works in me, however, He's not finished, and He has a long way to go.
Today God said to me, I gave you the dream, and in Me, you are good enough. Now start preparing. I know that every day will be a constant surrender. I know that it won't be easy. And I'm not exaclty sure where I'll end up, except in the Arms of Jesus.
I was reminded yesterday of this dream because I visited this sacred place, where good works will be done, and lives will be changed. DREAM. HOPE. WISH. (and for the record, a prayer is just a wish - turned upward).
The path towards today was winding and crazy. It was filled with HIGHS and LOWS. UPS and DOWNS. I struggled with where I would be today. I wrestled with it. And satan used some to stop me, however, God used His Mighty (MIGHTY!) warriors to get me where I needed to be (Thank you Angie, Debbie, Becky, Melissa, Corinne, & Megan).
My heart has not been what it should be. And God called out and reached out to bring me back.
Not sure what lies ahead on this path. I know that it is guided by a God who loves me, and never lets me go. It's a path, that no matter what, God will be the guide of it. I know He will never leave me.
I have so many scripture that are rolling around in my head, one of my most favorite scripture comes from Paul. That is the one that has been singing in my heart.
18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that[i] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
More Than Conquerors
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[j] who[k] have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.