Today wasn't my shiniest day. I barely shined at all. When someone told me today "you're blessed and a child of favor". I simply replied "not today". When someone joked with me, snapped back. I cried during worship, the only tears that Jesus can wipe way. Not the kind of remorse (though I'm never completely innocent), they were the tears when I just say "thanks for being there" And I'm speaking to Jesus. We sang "You never let go" by Crowder today. Joy and pain, sun and rain, You're the same, You never let go" . No matter what you think of me after I say this... it's the only song of worship that I engaged with God today.

I have days like these. Days when all I want is to find the arms of Jesus, and lay there. I don't want to be funny, quite frankly, I find no humor when you try to cheer me up, it really just gets on my nerves. My heart is screaming "leave me alone" and if you look into my eyes you'd see that too. Unfortunatly people think they can cheer me up. If I wanted to talk, I would. I love you, really, but just please let me be.

Someone said "are you ok?" I said "why?" "you look sad" "I am."

There isn't much you can do for me on days like today. I don't want you to either. I want to figure it out on my own, well, me and God, and I want really nothing but to be by myself. I will come out of it. I promise. Because it's not for anyone but me and God to figure it out.

Today, I was hurt, and mad, and rejected, and sad. I could still count my blessings, but it didn't change the way I felt.

I am a child of God, I am a child of favor. Today and everyday.

Proverbs 3:3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.




You Never Let Go - David Crowder
When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills hope

Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You're the same
Oh, You never let go

Comments

Shazy Boy said…
on days like theo ne you described i simply search within myslef for tht spark of laughter that made my tummy crack up and trust me i start smiling and then the rest goes smoothly... its not worng ot have bad nor is it inhuman but those who smile sail through

ALL THE BEST :)